Bloke goes into a bar and nails a quadruple whiskey in one. Barman says "What's up?"
Bloke says "I came home from work early to find my wife sucking off my best friend."
"What did you do?" asked the barman.
"I told her to pack her things and fuck off!"
"And what about your best friend?"
"I looked him straight in the eye and said 'BAD DOG, NO BISCIUTS'"
Bloke says "I came home from work early to find my wife sucking off my best friend."
"What did you do?" asked the barman.
"I told her to pack her things and fuck off!"
"And what about your best friend?"
"I looked him straight in the eye and said 'BAD DOG, NO BISCIUTS'"
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife
called it the Dead Sea.
A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks,
"Doc, how do I stand? " The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
called it the Dead Sea.
A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks,
"Doc, how do I stand? " The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
A man called his mother in Florida,
"Mom, how are you?"
" Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't
eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible.
Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with
food if you should call."
"Mom, how are you?"
" Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't
eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible.
Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with
food if you should call."
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part
in the play. She asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a
speaking part."
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a
nuisance to anybody."
in the play. She asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a
speaking part."
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a
nuisance to anybody."
Did you hear about the vagrant who walked up to a Jewish mother on
the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that Isn't 20% off.
the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that Isn't 20% off.
My new girlfriend said it would be at least six months before she'd consider sucking my cock.I told her I fully understood and respected her decision.
I said I'd give her a call nearer the time!
**************************************
I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blow jobs and smoking weed.
She was known as oral high Jean.
***********************************
A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.
I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick.
****************************************
I was on a train this morning, in the loo.having a shit, when a voice called out "Can I see your ticket please?"
"Not right now." I replied, "I'm having a shit."
"I don't believe you." Said the voice. "Slide it under the door."
"No probs," I said. "The yellow bits are Sweetcorn!"
A geordie goes into his doctors in Newcastle and says "Doctor, I have a terrible problem. Every time I lift my arms up I can smell coconuts'' and the doctor said ''Aye lad, you're bounty''.
A repeat but still makes me smile:
Doctor Doctor when I lift my arm up it hurts
Don't lift it then !!
Doctor Doctor when I lift my arm up it hurts
Don't lift it then !!
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
" I'll have a pint please, and one for the road."
" I'll have a pint please, and one for the road."
A friend of mine fell & drowned in a bowl of muesli
He was pulled under by a strong currant..
He was pulled under by a strong currant..
Interesting
write more and more, but clear and long so we can understand easily. otherwise as like you as......
.:wave:
write more and more, but clear and long so we can understand easily. otherwise as like you as......
.:wave:
Oliver, you might want to change your location in your profile. I seriously wouldn't advise giving what looks like your home address!!
