Bad joke corner

[Hugh Jarse]

My gay, dislexic friend is gutted today as he thought it was Vaseline Day.

 

[Brighton Sky Blue]

What's the difference between your mum and the Wolves job? Your mum gets filled.

 

[scroobiustom]

The Con-dem coalition is now less of a coalition and in fact represents more of a hostage situation.

 

[scroobiustom]

Why was tigger looking down the toilet??
A: Because he was trying to find Pooh!!

I read this as 'Trigger' for some time!

 

[BackRoomRummermill]

My gay, dislexic friend is gutted today as he thought it was Vaseline Day.

That made me LOL

 

[Alex]

What do you call someone with no body and a nose?

Nobody Knows.

 

[Alex]

Also, how many Mexicans does it take to change a light-bulb?

Just Juan.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Who sang Tiger Feet?

 

[Brighton Sky Blue]

Clive Eakin related chant:

'Clive, Clive, Cliiiiive Eakin, Clive is the voice of Coventry-he'll fook you up, wherever you may be 'cos Clive is the voice of Coventry'

 

[hughescov]

'It's a boy!'

I shouted as I ran from the Thai brothel.

 

[Disorganised1]

Mud ! (No 1 on my 21st Birthday)

Did you hear about the lonely pyromaniac ?

He's still looking for the perfect match.

 

[Sumo the Micky Quinn]

A lester fan is shagging his daughter and says "Your'e a better shag than your mother"

so she replies "yeah I know my brother told me!!"

 

[Hugh Jarse]

What do you call a lifelong Chelsea fan?

An eight year old!

 

[skybluedan]

when i was younger i had a way with the ladies....
and me mates use to call me mr lover lover
until one night i shagged a disabled girl up the arse...........
and now they call mr mr bum spastic..........

 

[Hugh Jarse]

How does an Arsenal fan beat the queues when leaving the Emirates?

They wait for the match to finish.

 

[scroobiustom]

Tim Vine "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.":laugh:

 

[andrew.roberts]

I used to be a good mate of MC Hammer but I stopped hanging out with him because he wouldn´t let me touch anything

 

[hughescov]

I just found a £20 hanging from my ceiling.

It was a suicide note.

 

[DH - Sky Blue]

When I broke up with my wife, I didn't want anything from her in the settlement except a pint of milk, four egg yolks, a vanilla pod, an ounce of caster sugar and two fluid ounces of single cream. She mixed it all up in a bowl and then threw it in my face.

On the plus side, I did get custardy.

 

[smileycov]

Mud ! (No 1 on my 21st Birthday)

Thats Right, Thats Right, Thats right!!

 

[Disorganised1]

Thats Right, Thats Right, Thats right!!

And the winner of the longest wait for a punch line is.........

 

[Hugh Jarse]

And the winner of the longest wait for a punch line is.........

That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat!!

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Someone asked me if it was too early for Muamba jokes? I said I didn't know.

I'm sure the Diana jokes came out quicker.

 

[LastGarrison]

I had an argument with the missus earlier so I picked up the washing machine and threw it at her.



Bosch

 

[LastGarrison]

I was feeling a bit down so I tied some balloons to a bottle of whiskey.



Certainly lifted my spirits.

 

[skyblueprincess]

Knock knock

 

[Hugh Jarse]

My other half asked me to kiss her somewhere smelly last night so I drove her to Hillfields.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

I was mid-stroke with the wife last night when I just stopped and held the same position, deadly still for a few seconds. 'What the hell are you doing?!' she asked. 'Don't worry love', I replied, 'i've seen them do this position on RedTube loads of times, it's called "buffering"'.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Knock knock

Go on then Princess, who's there?

 

[skyblueprincess]

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee lol

 

[Hugh Jarse]

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee lol

This place gets worse

Have a great evening.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Just got back from Blackpool, never again!

On the seafront I saw a guy and woman having a shouting match until the woman smacked the guy in the head and they started fighting.

Then a copper turned up but instead of trying to calm things down he starts twatting the guy with his baton, in the end the guy gets the baton off the copper and starts hitting him AND his wife!...

.......Then this crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages!

 

[scroobiustom]

Just got back from Blackpool, never again!

On the seafront I saw a guy and woman having a shouting match until the woman smacked the guy in the head and they started fighting.

Then a copper turned up but instead of trying to calm things down he starts twatting the guy with his baton, in the end the guy gets the baton off the copper and starts hitting him AND his wife!...

.......Then this crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages!

B.r.illiant

 

[skyblueprincess]

Knock Knock

 

[dutchman]

Knock Knock

Okay, I'll bite!

Who's there?