Bad joke corner

[Quball]

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!

 

[skybluejelly]

sorry this is awful, i heard it on the radio this morning...

David Season has official got the longest goalkeeper through in premier league history, he used to through the ball out to Thierry Henry over mars...

i'll get my coat.....taxi

was there interference because that does not make sense to me

 

[smileycov]

sorry this is awful, i heard it on the radio this morning...

David Season (seamen) has official got the longest goalkeeper('s) through(throw) in premier league history, he used to through the ball out to Thierry Henry over mars...

i'll get my coat.....taxi

sorry was bugging me

 

[smileycov]

why did the chicken cross the road? it was stuck up anthony worrell thompson's jumper!!

 

[stupot07]

sorry was bugging me

thank you - bloody iphone and it's spelling auto correct

 

[hughescov]

Two blondes walk into a bar..

Surely one of them must of saw it!

 

[Hugh Jarse]

I went to a fortune teller last week..

She studied my hand and said., "You have been masturbating.."

I said "Hey you are good, can you tell me anything about my future.???"

She looked at my face and said.

"You'll be doing it for a f*cking long time..!!"

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Little Johnny jumps on a bus & sits behind the driver.

Johnny starts chanting at the top of his voice ''If my mammy was a cow & my daddy was a bull then id be a calf...if my mammy was a ewe & my daddy was a ram, then id be a lamb...if my mammy was a mare & my daddy was a stallion then id be a foal...


The driver was getting pissed off and said to Johnny ''And if your mammy was a whore and your dad was a w*nker, what would you be?''


Johnny replied ''A f*cking bus driver!!!''

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

Two blondes walk into a bar..

Surely one of them must of sEEN it!

Fixed for you.

 

[hughescov]

Fixed for you.

Surely one of them must HAVE seen it!

Fixed for you.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Girlfriend sends a text to her boyfriend: If you are sleeping send me your dreams!


If you are laughing send me your smile!


If you are crying send me your tear drops!


Bloke responds:


I am having a shit, what do i do?

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Women are like hotwater bottles..



Hold it by the neck, pour in the hot liquid and watch out that it dont spit back in your face.


Wipe off the dribbles and cuddle..!!

 

[dutchman]

Q. What is the difference between a buffalo and a Dyson?

A. You can't vacuum your carpet with a buffalo!

 

[Disorganised1]

Apparently Tevez has said he's never going to play in Europe again.

So I assume he's signing for Aston Villa.

 

[KelV6]

The Alzheimer's specialist gave me some bad news yesterday

But I cant remember what is was...

 

[blueflint]

coventry city worst joke in town at mo ointlaugh:ointlaugh:ointlaugh:

 

[scroobiustom]

‎"I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone"

 

[KelV6]

Chris Huhne's wife to replace John Terry
They say she’s good at taking penalties

 

[andrew.roberts]

God finishes creating the world on the sixth day and calls over Adam and Eve for a chat.
"I´m about knackered " he says, "going to take tomorrow off. Just wanted to say that I hope you enjoy yourselves while I´m away but whatever you do, don´t have sex with each other ´cause I haven´t really got that bit properly organised yet "
They agree and off he goes to enjoy his Sunday .
When he returns on Monday morning Adam and Eve approach him looking somewhat embarrassed.
"What´s the matter ?", he asks.
" We are really sorry" they say, "but the temptation was too much for us, and we ended up having sex, and quite a lot of it.
" But don´t worry God", says Eve, "I went to the river afterwards and washed myself thoroughly".
"Oh no", says God, "I didn`t want the fish to smell like that ".

 

[skybluedan]

I met this girl and decided to take her home and meet the folks.......
me dad whispered to me where the fuck did you meet that thing she,s crossed eyed,got a big fat arse,and no teeth?
I said no need to whisper dad she,s deaf.......................................

 

[skybluedan]

my wife is leaving me for getting erections in the most inappropiate places..................
the last one was in her sisters arse............................

 

[hughescov]

Finally my coffee has arrived, despite not being what I ordered.

Still... better latte than never.

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

Houston we have a problem.

 

[kdrinkell]

Houston we have a problem.

Ouch is that too soon ?!

 

[kdrinkell]

30 years on from the Falklands War and Simon Weston doesn't look a day older

 

[Disorganised1]

What's pink and lies on the doormat ?

Whitney Houston's Valentine card.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Bianca's distraut. First Pat, then Ricky sods off and now Whitney, whatever next for the poor girl.

 

[LastGarrison]

Albinos.

You can't get fairer than that.

 

[hughescov]

I put ham and pineapple into a bap today.

Because that's Hawaii roll.

 

[hughescov]

What's yellow and smells of marge?

Homer Simpsons fingers.

 

[LastGarrison]

Two queers in a phone box.

Ringing each other.

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

what did the gangsta say when the houses fell on him? answer: get up off me homes

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

why do elephants paint their toenails red? answer: to hide in the strawberry patch.
have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? answer: works doesn't it?

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

Why was tigger looking down the toilet??
A: Because he was trying to find Pooh!!

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

What did the mother buffalo say to her child as he left for school?...Bison