crap joke thread (6 Viewers)

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Sep 22, 2018

• #36

Incorrectly is always spelt incorrectly,
unless it's spelt incorrectly.

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Sep 22, 2018

• #37

The waitress asked “Are you ready to order?”
“My wife is in the ladies.” I said.
“Do you know what she’s having?”
“Well she’s been gone 10 minutes, so probably a good shit.”

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Sep 22, 2018

• #38

Thought I’d treat the wife last night, so I booked us a table. What a shit night.
Turns out she doesn’t even like snooker.

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Nov 2, 2018

• #39

I’ve painted my top lip a lovely shade of purple for mauvember

 

ccfcrob

Well-Known Member

• Nov 2, 2018

• #40

What do you call a man with no shins? ........ Tony

 

Captain Dart

Well-Known Member

• Nov 2, 2018

• #41

I asked my boss "What do you want me to do with this 6 metre roll of bubble wrap?"

He said "Just pop it in the Corner".

4 hours it took me!

 

Mild-Mannered Janitor

Kindest Bloke on CCFC / Maker of CCFC Dreams

• Nov 2, 2018

• #42

What type of cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

 

Captain Dart

Well-Known Member

• Nov 3, 2018

• #43

I once got arrested for impersonating a firework.

They let me off.

 

Captain Dart

Well-Known Member

• Nov 15, 2018

• #44

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Nov 16, 2018

• #45

Wife’s just had a go at me for donating £20 to children in need


Next time I’ll use me own phone

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Nov 17, 2018

• #46

How do you annoy an archaeologist?


Give them a used tampax and ask which period it’s from

 

Captain Dart

Well-Known Member

• Dec 1, 2018

• #47

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Jan 31, 2021

• #48

I just ordered some items online and accidentally used my organ donor card Instead of my credit card . It’s gonna cost me an arm and a leg

 

Wyken Sky Blue

Well-Known Member

• Jan 31, 2021

• #49

I need to buy myself a watch but I haven't got the time.

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

 

Sky_Blue_Dreamer

Well-Known Member

• Jan 31, 2021

• #50

Malaka said:

i was in the pub and there was a band on called The Duvet's. They were ok but they only did covers

Click to expand...

Think they used to perform on the Continent under the name The Quilts.

 

Sky_Blue_Dreamer

Well-Known Member

• Jan 31, 2021

• #51

Captain Dart said:

I fell asleep at a party last night, and someone put a teabag in my mouth, I went mental!

No one treats me like a mug!

Click to expand...

Sorry to break this to you but that wasn't a teabag!

 

Otis

Well-Known Member

• Jan 31, 2021

• #52

I'm wondering. Was it "tea bag in," or "teabagging?"

 

Blind-Faith

Well-Known Member

• Feb 1, 2021

• #53

When I was younger my fairy god mother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory?

I can’t remember which one I chose....

 

B

Brighton Sky Blue

Well-Known Member

• Feb 3, 2021

• #54

6x9 + (6+9)= 69

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Feb 3, 2021

• #55

Me and the wife were extremely happy for 26 years.
.
.
.
Then we met!

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Feb 3, 2021

• #56

Two nuns out for a bike ride in the countryside.
As they freewheeled down a cobbled street, one turns to the other and says "I've never come this way before."
The second one says "Nor me. It must be the cobbles!"

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Feb 3, 2021

• #57

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.

She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, permanent."

 

Sky_Blue_Daz

Well-Known Member

• Feb 3, 2021

• #58

Guess who I bumped into in the opticians?

everyone

 

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern

• Feb 7, 2021

• #59

 

B

Brighton Sky Blue

Well-Known Member

• Apr 30, 2022

• #60

I have a few polyamorous friends.

They come in different shapes and sizes.

 

Wyken Sky Blue

Well-Known Member

• Apr 30, 2022

• #61

Judge: Becker, you're being sentenced to 2.5 years in jail
Becker: How many months is that?
Judge: 30, love

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