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I found some cash (just over £100) in a scrunched up bunch of notes on the floor under a seat in the stadium when leaving a football match the other evening. I was one of the last to leave so not many others around, and everyone on that particular row had left. No wallet, just the cash. What...

a 'Mr Patel' cold-called me the other day to tell me that I had a problem with Windows. I wonder if it's the same Mr Patel?

are you sure that it wasn't HER bucket that was leaking (i.e. too much tea)?

people that say "yeah, no" someone in my office often says "yeah yeah, no no" do you mean 'yes', in which case say 'yes'. Or do you mean 'no', in which case say 'no'. But don't say both. You c**t.

sorry, a bit football related, but.. The phrase 'he just loves scoring goals' i.e. when a pundit is discussing the merits of a player, they often say "but do you know what I like about him the most.....he just loves scoring goals!". As if this gives him some sort of advantage over all other...

not really, obviously. Anyone else keep thinking that this is the title of the other thread? Man arrested for killing a burglar

you mean that garage that sells dodgems every easter? I thought they looked dodgy. The bastards charged me 2 tokens for a test drive, too.

Bit of pedantry, but I don't think 'Trade descriptions' have a telephone number. You could try 'Trading Standards' instead.

you must buy the posh nescafe if it costs you £1.50 a cup to make it at home.

can't you get the garage that sold it to you to do the MOT?

if it keeps you awake then fair play.

what you talkin about Willis?

couldn't he shit his own self?

that kind of applies to most grounds - i.e. you can't see them if they're behind you.

St Marys (Southampton)is right next to railway line. I like looking out for them when flying e.g. Southampton to Glasgow. It's the best way to keep track on where you are. (I'm not the pilot, by the way)

"I thought he died years ago" It's OK - I'm fairly sure you're still alive.

I liked the 70p chocolate egg joke

or maybe you are 'Liscenced Bar'?

are you Keith Farnan, Damian Clark, or none of the above?

You must stop her hanging around with that deaf girl.