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or call a plumber

excuse me lads - what do you think this is? A bloody football fourm or something!

Tony Blair I might have voted for him in the past, but what makes him think that he's got any credibilty now when suddenly reappearing ( two years too late) to campaign against Brexit?

I do a bit of walking and used to like miles, but since I've got older I prefer kilometers. They're a little bit shorter so not as tiring.

how much for the loft

think you've spelt your own name wrong mate

I've tried changing my diet many times, but no matter what I eat, it always seems to be SHIT that comes out of my arse, unfortunately.

get one with a battery, otherwise you need a very long lead.

although he has recently said that his sprint times have been better than ever (i.e. even before his injuries). It's his first touch that I think is his weakness - don't think he's quite good enough for a top 6 team in England.

people were smaller then

you should tell your wife to use the bowl with the taps.

I can imagine myself sitting there after having shot a couple of elephants in my pyjamas....(cue Otis)

Looks like the set for the film 'Titanic' inside

i always double (and because of the stench, sometimes triple) flush, but haven't tried the shit-flush-wipe-flush technique, which I will action today. And someone may be right about that fetish. No sooner had I taken a shit this morning that said employee was in there like a flash.

bit cruel on the oompa loompas

There are 5 of us in the office at work, 4 blokes and a girl. Technically I am the 'boss' of 3 of them, including the girl. We have one open plan office with a shared toilet room in the corner. My tricky situation is this. Every now and again I have a tremendous dump. I am courteous enough to...

why not tender for the Amazon warehouse window cleaning business?

no sign of Daz, one week after his interview.

shop assistants that don't look you in the eye when giving change. e.g. "two pands fifty free - fan-queue" - whilst staring over your shoulder at the traffic outside.