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I've watched some Astute, and sometimes they are amusing. The problem for me is that, as you say, the jokes go badly wrong. And whilst it's true that all jokes must have some kind of victim, their "jokes" are often thinly veiled attacks on people because of their race or sexuality. So...

I was lazy and didn't check it out before posting - actually didn't know this set before. Here's the one I intended to post:

Was it really that long ago? Time evades me.

Why does he guide Joy in footballing matters? Obviously I don't have your inside access to know exactly what goes on behind the scenes but I am surprised that she is interested in the footballing side. What has he said to you about having more power and loving it?

Wolf Hall was good.

I agree - mushrooms are most like meat. I also use a lot of olives and capers in my cooking to give peaks of flavour so you don't notice there is no meat. Quorn is good - so much better than the TVP (textured vegetable protein) we used to eat.

The only day of the year when we have nut roast. But it's a special one this year from some celebrity chef's book - with apricot, chestnuts and aubergine.

When I was a kid I prayed every night for six months for a new bike, but I never got one. Then I realised that God doesn't work like that. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

I'm surprised he's wearing the sponsor's logo, he doesn't usually do marketing.

Am I the only one that is surprised that it's 30 years since Chernobyl and still no superheroes?

"The Banning Order". Shame, I thought this might be the name of a gritty new ITV drama. Starring Mark Venus as Jobbo, an unemployed lumberjack, it follows Mark wandering around Coventry in the 1970s harassing shoppers... No more ITV threads please guys - it's getting boring now.

"Can the Telegraph Sink Much Lower?" Shame, I thought this was the name of a new ITV Game Show. Hosted by Mark Venus, contestants stand on either side of a large pool and throw stones at the Telegraph, which sinks further with each hit. The team to get it most submerged wins an electronic...

Good, 'cos that's where we play strikers.

Shame, I thought that "Out with Mark Venus" might be the name of a new ITV series. In episode 1 he takes Jeremy Corbyn to a greyhound meet; episode 2 he takes Holly Willoughby paintballing...

Surely some mistake?

This is the line where I believe professional fees could lie. The average means nothing over such a wide spread of salaries. 105 managers and players for £3.57m. We have maybe 50 players and say 15 coaches and managers. You have to add in Fisher & friends and an office manager but I cannot...

Police in Leicester found a cannabis farm & smuggled heroin; £200k of stolen goods; people trafficking and over 15 guns in a house behind the public library. Local residents were shocked: "We didn't know we had a library".

I didn't see your reply before I posted. How odd that we chose the same adjectives.

I understand your cynicism - but it's not what you think. Dark, moody, dystopian and no robots running around. You may be surprised.