Over The Hill XI-Take No Arjan's!

Nonleagueherewecome

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Can't remember if this one got done, but the criteria is the biggest possible gulf between their peak & when we signed them (not just old people who were never that great in the first place.)

My Pitiful Pensioners:

GK-Andy Goram. Was blinding at Oldham & had some good times in the SPL when it was still decent, but to this day Rangers fans blame him being chosen over Niemi for them losing the 97-98 title and the "10 in a row" crown. He was 34 then-we had him when he was 37, & his terminal decline had continued. Would get into our Cricketing XI, too. Backup GK has to be Shilton, just cos.

RB-Struggled here. Foley? Although we mostly played him DMC. Stephen Wright? Although he was OK 1st year I thought and got worse when moved to CB.

LB-Steve Staunton. Still had a good left foot, but so very slow when he joined us aged 34. Fights off competition from Kenny Sansom (who played in the glorious Xmas maulings of Liverpool & Villa, so wasn't that bad!), Dean Gordon (actually really good at Palace & Midboro but total bobbins at City) & Hermann, who was never that good (& only played a few games before injury).

CB-Arjan de Zeeuw. Absolute legend at his previous clubs & a nice bloke, but a total donkey for us. Was so slow that it felt as if time had stood still when watching him. If he had to turn, it was like he was stuck in quicksand. Within a year of leaving us was working as a detective.

CB-Terry Butcher. Terrible manager & utterly knackered as a player when he rocked up (bad knees I think?)-costing a whopping £400k too. As a teenager, I was so excited by his signing coming not long after the glory of Italia 90, visions of Butcher strutting around in a fancy new sweeper system in my mind. My cynical old dad knew better, "nah, he's well past it!" Had the gall to bin off Peake and Regis for being over the hill (when they weren't, but he was). Plenty of other CB contenders: Gillespie 2nd stint (although he did got crocked); Steve Walsh for being utterly fucking abysmal in his brief appearances & ex-Leicester (but despite their adoration, I can't believe he was ever all that); Andy Webster misses out on the "was never that great" rule, despite that Rangers fan-made vid of him on the treatment table...

RM-Struggled to think of many, but maybe Stephen Hunt? Also possibly Andy Impey: clearly only signed as he was Adams' old mate & only paid if he played, so Adams used to bring him on for a few mins at the end just for that reason...

LM-Joe Cole. Can only be him, really. Never seen a player spend so long hunched over, gasping for air with his hands on his hips. Fair enough that he was good for Maddison, but the circus equally derailed us. Others: Peter Barnes (but one great goal); John Salako-had his moments, but was a truly cracking player at Palace & rapid. By the time we got him, he had a dead mans tendon in his knee (the best chant we never had, that!) & was terrified of running at full backs; & Keith O'Neill (not that we really saw him...)

CM-Kevin MacDonald. Has to be, really. Another one in the "so slow, you're not quite sure if he's actually moving or you're having some kind of seizure" class. Branded "The best Free Transfer signing ever" by Snoz. My dad muttered something about how "Liverpool don't sell good players". Had broken his leg a few years before & was clearly all washed up, was so frustrating that we kept picking him for so long.

CM-Tim Sherwood. First action after coming off the bench for his debut was a terribly mistimed two footed tackle that he was booked for. Didn't really get any better than that. At least he did the right thing and retired that summer rather than see out his expensive contract. Notable mentions: Kevin Richardson (Big Fat Ron's secret love child, had a great career at Everton & Arsenal that was looong behind him) & Vincente Engonga. "We've signed a Spanish international!!!" "Engonga? Hasn't he retired?" He probably should have done, but I he guess just wanted to give England a crack.

ST-Alan Brazil. "Noooooo fuuuuck, we've sold Gibbo!!! I HATE FOOTBALL & LIFE!!!" "Ah it's alright though, we've got Alan Brazil as part of the deal!" Probably the day my childhood ended, tbh. 2 goals in the first 4 games, & it looked like he might be alright. He never scored again & within a year was in nonleague. Amazingly, he was only 26 when we signed him, despite looking 40. Judging from his much-documented drink issues, perhaps they may have already started by then?

ST-Dean Holdsworth. When a striker doesn't score in 6 games of a loan spell, you accept that he might not be the bloke to sign, right? Nope, you snap him up on a perm deal, then act surprised when he doesn't score, ever! Was a canny and prolific striker at his Dons best, but a shadow of his former self at City. You could see that he knew what he was meant to do, but the body just couldn't do it, so he played it simple, rarely venturing into the opposition area. Honorable mentions to Bob Latchford (who I can barely remember, just knew my dad hated, but he misses out as he did actually score a couple), Bannister second spell (he always looked kinda ill!), Kevin Drinkell (so did he, actually, very pale and wan) & Charlie George (the game was pictured in a programme I had, so it counts!).
 
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Nonleagueherewecome

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I’m chucking Yakubu in there. You don’t score nearly 100 Prem goals if you’re rubbish. He was literally half dead by the time we signed him.
Absolutely, meant to have him on the shortlist!
 

Nonleagueherewecome

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Think the joe Cole one is a bit harsh, unbelievable player and would never get a player like him in his prime, did a lot for the team in terms of moral boosting.
Yeah my point is kinda the gap between between peak and what they were at City though, tbf. He was amazingly unfit-didn't he hold the record for the most substitued Premier League player too? Not disputing that it was fun & he helped the youngsters.
 

Frostie

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Slightly controversial but, as exciting as it was, I think the Joe Cole signing hindered more than helped us personally.

We'd started well, playing some excellent attacking football & were 5th having only lost 3 when he signed. Of course we tailed off & failed to make the playoffs.

Not all on Cole obviously, the infamous January signings were horrific but I feel we were better with the young core we started with mixed with the experience of Ricketts, Reda etc. & shoehorning Cole in disrupted us.
 

stay_up_skyblues

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I thought Andrew Impey was a full back? That’s how I remember him lining up for his weekly 3 minute cameo anyway.
 

Nonleagueherewecome

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I thought Andrew Impey was a full back? That’s how I remember him lining up for his weekly 3 minute cameo anyway.
True, but generally he was a winger converted to wing-back later on in his career, but think he was midfield in this game!: Crystal Palace v Coventry City, 20 September 2005

Only picked him due to lack of options though, there must have been other over the hill right wingers we had...
 

Nonleagueherewecome

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Legia Sky Blue

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Peter Ramage started out as a right back I believe. Andy Impey could fit in there too. Goram seems a bit harsh, I don't recall him being that bad. For those with long memories Raddy Avramovic must be worth a shout. Would probably get in any Notts County all time XI, but wasn't quite so good for us. Others I don't think have been mentioned are Kevin Kilbane, Herman Hreidarsson, Colin Cameron and Michael Hughes.
 
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Nonleagueherewecome

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Peter Ramage started out as a right back I believe. Andy Impey could fit in there too. Goram seems a bit harsh, I don't recall him being that bad. For those with long memories Raddy Avramovic must be worth a shout. Would probably get in any Notts County all time XI, but wasn't quite so good for us. Others I don't think have been mentioned are Kevin Kilbane, Herman Hreidarsson, Colin Cameron and Michael Hughes.
Did struggle to think of GK's-the Oggy longevity meant we didn't have many others to choose from for most of my childhood and teenage years! I do remember Raddy very vaguely but it was before I was old enough to go to games. Can remember my dad saying he was crap, though.

Cameron is a great shout for the bench: was a cracking player at Hearts & Wolves who I was really looking forwards to seeing, but he was well past it, sadly. Hughes was bloody terrible aside from one game when he had an absolute stormer and got Man of the Match, can't remember who against.
 

skyblueusername

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Vicente Engonga
I was quite excited when we got him on a loan deal as I used to watch Real Mallorca when I lived there who were a really good team at the time.
Oh dear, what a disappointment.
 
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clint van damme

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In a season that will live long in the memory for all the wrong reasons watching Yakubu waddle around the same 2 metre square patch of grass was a particular low point.
 

Nonleagueherewecome

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Peter Shilton

We also had Kevin Pressman and Tim Flowers
On gulf between ability & that with us, hard to argue against Shilts! I guess the total lack of games makes him harder to pick (ditto Pressman?). The stubborn old bugger kept going until he was 47 until he finally got his elusive 1,000th game at Leyton Orient. Bet Barry Hearn was chairman then and eyeing some publicity!

I quite liked Flowers, was disappointed when he retired quite young for a keeper (12 years younger than Shilton!).
 

TTG

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David Meyler
 

Nonleagueherewecome

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Not his fault but Matt Jansen.

Horacio Carbonari was excellent at Derby albeit fairly short lived.
Remember Jansen scoring a cracker. We were probably the last side to see him play with a bit of confidence, sadly.

Carbonari is a decent one-I thought he was a decent signing at the time as he was popular with the Derby fans (and noway near as old as I thought at the time either), but he was poor. Mainly I guess his and Trollope's negative impact was as much in simply upsetting the applecart as it was poor performances on the pitch?
 

Nonleagueherewecome

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For CB, how about Colin Hendry? You'd never think he'd won the Premier League when he played for us.
Now that is a cracker! When you're making fans think Willo and Shawsy weren't so bad, you're going some. He spent far too much time on his curling...

Due to the heights he reached compared to the depths he plummetted, he might take Arjan's place in my XI.
 
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baldy

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Lightbourne (he was ok with Walsall at least)
Same with Clayton Ince for Crewe
Isaias maybe
Darren Jackson
Jemson
Eoin Jess
 

fernandopartridge

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Think the joe Cole one is a bit harsh, unbelievable player and would never get a player like him in his prime, did a lot for the team in terms of moral boosting.
There is no evidence to support that. The team was in great form when we signed him
 

fernandopartridge

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Did struggle to think of GK's-the Oggy longevity meant we didn't have many others to choose from for most of my childhood and teenage years! I do remember Raddy very vaguely but it was before I was old enough to go to games. Can remember my dad saying he was crap, though.

Cameron is a great shout for the bench: was a cracking player at Hearts & Wolves who I was really looking forwards to seeing, but he was well past it, sadly. Hughes was bloody terrible aside from one game when he had an absolute stormer and got Man of the Match, can't remember who against.
Hughes played well at Blackburn in the cup that day we won 4-1
 
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Hobo

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Coventry
Guillaume Beuzelin