Are you happy

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Rich, Jun 18, 2019.

  1. skybluetony176

    skybluetony176 Well-Known Member

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  2. Mr Panda

    Mr Panda Well-Known Member

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    This is a fantastic thread.

    I have suffered with anxiety at random occasions during my life. Through my teenage years I felt like I spent years suffering with panic attacks for what felt like no reason but around the age of 18 they just stopped.

    I turned 27 this year and they randomly came back. Between September and February this year I would say I've been very much out of control of my own body to the point that I felt breathing was no longer natural but more a concious effort. This has been horrible to the point that going to bed was exciting just so I could let go of control of my body.

    I've never been one to worry too much about health but I think I've developed some kind of health anxiety and have convinced myself, more so pre Christmas that I have anemia, tumours, heart issues, going blind. It's crazy what my mind was telling me about my body, but I believed it and on some occasions convinced myself I was feeling very real symptoms of the above. It sounds absolutely mental but I'd just convince myself I was going to die.

    I seem to be creeping out of all of that now. Breathing is natural again...I have moments where I still think something is up with my heart but my mind seems to be maturing a bit rather than obsessing over it all day.

    I joined the Village in November and swim about 3 or 4 times a week. Being in the water just made me feel weightless and gave me a focus for an hour or so which I attribute towards my general recovery. I also take 10 minutes a day to practice mindfulness and focus on my breathing.

    I felt like I haven't been able to enjoy anything from September until around the last couple of months really. I have seemed so shut off to my family and friends because all my effort has been concentrated on myself. I think it's so important that whatever the situation, however bad it feels that you just tell yourself that it's going to get better, even if you don't believe it just tell yourself that when you're feeling low. You need someone saying something positive to you whilst your up against the odds of your own mind, even if that someone is yourself.

    Right now I feel good and I feel positive.
     
  3. skybluetony176

    skybluetony176 Well-Known Member

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    I’ve read that swimming is good for mental wellbeing. Some people especially recommend swimming underwater a lot for anxiety. Apparently to do with breathing, or lack there off so your breathing is slowed right down and the almost swaddling sensation you get from being fully immersed underwater. Must admit I’ve always loved swimming underwater but that’s just the big kid in me but since reading it when ever I go swimming I always make sure I spend as much time as I can swimming under water and find it very relaxing.
     
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  4. Grappa

    Grappa Well-Known Member

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    You've pretty much summed up CBT there! Our thoughts affect our feelings and behaviour. Shit thoughts lead to shit feelings and shit behaviour.

    One of the most successful CBT techniques is called '3 good things'. Every single evening you write down 3 good things you've done that day. If you're really low, that can be something like 'I got out of bed'. Further along it can be things like 'I made the effort to call a friend and explain why I've been ignoring them'. The point is that you tell yourself that you've done something good, every single day. A lot of people who are low in mood can have spent an awful long time just thinking about all of the 'shit things' they've done. Shit thoughts, shit feelings, shit behaviour.
     
  5. bringbackrattles

    bringbackrattles Well-Known Member

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    Since seeing that psychologist all those years ago I started studying psychology and mind matters. In my "mad"years I'd act before thinking, if I felt slighted the person would get punched without a second thought, which obviously led to more violence. Even when I was inside I'd be even worse lost time for fighting, spent days in the block. But just by thinking differently it changed things, it may sound corny, but everything we do starts by a thought. But in prison you get by in your own way, my way then was by fighting, which is negative thinking. I wish i knew all this back then !
     
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  6. Tommo1993

    Tommo1993 Well-Known Member

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    Never knew about that underwater thing, I used to love it. Me and the mrs go swimming, I think I might start doing it again
     
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  7. The Reverend Skyblue

    The Reverend Skyblue Well-Known Member

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    This was one of the recommendations the therapist told my daughter.
    The next day she went and bought a diary and every night she fills in the ' 3 good things' she's done that day. Also she recommended reminding herself of three good people in her life, or had met that day through work. She said this helped her a lot and she does it to this day.
    It helps her cope much better and as I said before she is like a different person since she got help.
    My last bit of advice isnever take no for an answer. Like Marty he must insist he has an appt tomorrow or at the least within two days as these problems require urgent help if they seem to be getting out of control. It's life saving stuff so if the receptionist says there's no doctors available until August just stand your ground and say I need help now. If you just stand there they will find you a spot.
    Without going into too much detail this approach without doubt saved my daughters life.
    I never even realised she was struggling so much, which upsets me to this day, she hid it well but I should have noticed.
     
  8. Houchens Head

    Houchens Head Fairly well known member from Malvern

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    Isn't it about time you wrote that autobiography BBR? I remember you saying quite some time ago, that you'd like to do it one day. I'm still waiting! I would definitely purchase a copy! ;)
     
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  9. hill83

    hill83 Well-Known Member

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    The fact that this sort of thing is being spoken about, by blokes no less, is brilliant. Would not have happened even 10 years ago.
     
  10. skybluetony176

    skybluetony176 Well-Known Member

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    I sometimes wonder if it’s a regression thing. I’ve never heard or read it but in my own train of thought it seems almost like a regression to the womb.
     
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  11. JulianDarbyFTW

    JulianDarbyFTW Well-Known Member

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    I've learnt that I can control how I feel. I make a decision to feel happy, and I work my hardest to make it happen. It took a long time to get to the place where I could do it. Is it easy? Not always. But I can drive my own feelings in the direction that I want. I can motivate myself, build a fire in my belly, make myself smile. Major life events can make it difficult, for sure, and they can try to swamp the feel good factor at times, but I know that I can regain control. It's a mindset. At the end of the day, the only person you can try rely on to turn your life around is yourself. The only person stopping you doing it is yourself.

    You can start small. Do one thing today that future you will be thankful for. Clean the dishes so future you doesn't have to do it in the morning. Put a load of washing on so future you has something clean to wear. Tidy your shit away so future you can feel at peace when they get home from work tomorrow. Get the you in the here and now to do future you a favour, and do it every damn day, and I guarantee that you'll feel in control, at peace, and a heck of a lot happier.
     
  12. covmark

    covmark Well-Known Member

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    I've struggled with anxiety for around ten years on and off. Started off with an obsession about something absolutely horrendous happening to one of my children. Welcome to the awful world of OCD.
    People use it as a throw away comment. Ahh he keeps washing his hands, OCD that is.
    No its fucking not. OCD is truly harrowing. Having to hug your child for fear of something terrible happening to them, when rationally, they're in no danger.
    The OCD then goes hand in hand with the anxiety. Constant distress. Its numbing.
    I've learnt to deal with it, and taught myself that it's all in my own mind. And it's me that controls my own mind.
    Thankfully I've been good for around 18 months. It's always there though, hidden away in a box, in my brain. Determined to stay happy and healthy.

    Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk
     
  13. bringbackrattles

    bringbackrattles Well-Known Member

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    I read your book Houch as you know. I'm going to write a football book, but a mate and my sister reckon I should do a book on my past experiences etc. Got a lot to write about. I could write a book just on my prison time !
     
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  14. JulianDarbyFTW

    JulianDarbyFTW Well-Known Member

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    If you have stories to tell then tell them, and do it right away. Get the fire going, get the words on paper, reminisce, laugh and cry and everything inbetween while you write. There's no reason to delay. People say they'll write a book, and wait and wait and wait for inspiration, but it never comes. You have to go out and grab it by its fucking neck Here's a guarantee for you. If you do it, I'll buy it*.

    *Subject to a maximum cost of £9.99
     
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  15. Nick

    Nick Administrator

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    I had a couple of sessions of it and it did nothing.

    Here's a thought book, write good things down in etc. She wasn't listening to what I was telling her and wanted me to just write certain things down all the time and it wasn't doing anything.

    It just made me angrier and more annoyed.
     
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  16. skybluetony176

    skybluetony176 Well-Known Member

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    OCD is another condition that’s massively misunderstood and used flippantly to describe someone who’s just tidy. Unfortunately I know someone like yourself who genuinely has the condition and like you it’s manifested itself around a fear of something happening to her children. She’s in a situation where if she doesn’t hoover the house X number of times a day something might happen to her children. She had severe post natal depression and as she recovered from that the OCD stepped into the space. Like you she’s found a way to cope and she’s doing good.
     
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  17. Grappa

    Grappa Well-Known Member

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    It's not unusual for it to take a while to find a suitable therapist. For it to work, you need a rapport.
     
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  18. Nick

    Nick Administrator

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    Only issue at the time was that it was one at the doctors surgery, I was having to book mornings off work so was pissed off to get there and her not really listen and realise it was doing nothing.

    Didn't have the money to go private :(
     
  19. covmark

    covmark Well-Known Member

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    Finding that place in your mind that can cope with these awful feelings is really hard, so fair play to her.

    Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk
     
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  20. bringbackrattles

    bringbackrattles Well-Known Member

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    I once wrote articles on a writers site about my window cleaning experiences, they were popular. Maybe a book on that could be interesting?
     
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  21. skybluetony176

    skybluetony176 Well-Known Member

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    Even though I personally know someone who’s going through what you are I can’t begin to imagine what you or her are going through and how you deal with it. Massive respect to you and wishing you the best. Makes me having some anxiety to a much lesser extent than others on here seem very superficial.
     
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  22. Houchens Head

    Houchens Head Fairly well known member from Malvern

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    Haven't you already done that one under an assumed name? :emoji_smile:
    .
     

    Attached Files:

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  23. Houchens Head

    Houchens Head Fairly well known member from Malvern

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    Mine's only £8.80! ;)
    Pater Noster by Barry Adams (Paperback) - Lulu
     
  24. JulianDarbyFTW

    JulianDarbyFTW Well-Known Member

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    This is more personal than I intended it to be, but I think it adds some context to my previous post.

    My mum passed away at the turn of the century. I spent a year drinking, trying (and usually failing) to womanise, self destructing in every way I could think of. I was young, had no job, had to move to a place where I knew no-one, had no hopes, no money, no friends, no girlfriend. I had fuck all. My dreams had died when she did.

    Then someone in a pub told me, rather bluntly, that a year was long enough to be wallowing in self pity and that I should apply for a certain job that was available in Birmingham. I didn't want to. For a start, a year isn't long enough to grieve. A lifetime isn't. Plus the job sounded boring, and it meant I'd have to give up sleeping in until midday and cracking open another bottle of Southern Comfort as soon as my eyes opened and chain smoking fags until my eyeballs stung. The only reason I went to the interview was because somewhere deep down I knew I had to make a change. It's a cliche, but if you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got.

    And here I am, 20 years later, working in the same industry, in a job I love, with people who respect me and see me as a role model, with a family that I love and who love me just as much. I'm well aware that inside, deep inside, is still the same teenager who feels like his life is fucked up. Who feels like he's letting his mum down. But I'm not. I'm doing a fucking good job of living. Of being happy. Of living a fulfilling life. I've worked hard to get myself here, and I'm not stopping now.

    Our past defines us, but it doesn't have to be the only measuring stick. You can move forward. For some people it takes finding that spark that's barely alight, for others medication or therapy helps, maybe you just need someone, anyone, to listen or point you in the right direction. What you were isn't what you are, it isn't what you can be. Reading that back, it sounds like hippy bullshit, but it really isn't. You can make your life your own, starting right now.

    I'm happy to message anyone on here about anything they want to talk about, because talking - and having someone to listen - can be the first step of the journey. No matter how bad things seem, no matter how much you feel like there's no way to move forward, there is. There really is. After all, we've managed to survive 100% of the shittiest days in our life so far, and that's a damn good success rate.
     
  25. fellatio_Martinez

    fellatio_Martinez Well-Known Member

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    That's very valuable advice. Especially for people with depression or young people with no direction in their lives.

    Jordan Peterson talks quite a lot about this kind of thing.


     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2019
  26. Otis

    Otis Well-Known Member

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    I keep typing a post up on here, but then keep changing my mind and deleting them. I never, ever wish to be a burden upon anyone.

    Well done everyone for coming out and being honest and so open about everything.

    Hats off to you all.
     
  27. clint van damme

    clint van damme Well-Known Member

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    I don't agree with a lot of what he says but when he goes on about humans needing routine and structure in their life I reckon he is 100% spot on. It certainly applies to me and I think the majority of people.
     
  28. Nick

    Nick Administrator

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    Don't see it as a burden at all about something like this. You might feel better for posting.

    Your jokes however ;)
     
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  29. Otis

    Otis Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, touche. I burden everyone else with those don't I.
     
  30. Evo1883

    Evo1883 Well-Known Member

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    I was in the military for 7 years, served in Afghanistan, Iraq and various other places.
    Mum died when I was 12, dad became a violent alcoholic for most of my early life.
    Watched my dad's ex wife stab him in the back 20 times with a broken cup when I was 15.
    Had a very tough young life and joined the military when I was 17.

    My first problem actually came about when I was walking over to the gym at the barracks with a friend when I was 19 and I felt like my eyes wobbled and I felt light headed. It was the catalyst of 15 years (so far) of panic attacks, anxiety and depression.
    I went several years after leaving the army waking up having panic attacks every single night, anxiety so bad I would lie on the floor in tears feeling like my blood was running cold and I was dying.
    This lead to Alot of anger, fear and doubt, I struggled to hold down jobs, I struggled to maintain a healthy relationship with my partner, I gained weight through inactivity, I gained compulsive behaviour, things like spending money I didn't have, buying and returning items, getting tattoos I didn't want to try and make myself feel better, buying family and friends gifts I couldny afford to make myself feel happy.... Struggled to show rational behaviour in the face of normal family disagreements, everything seemed like a massive issue, even if it was so small.

    Several army friends have committed suicide in the last 5 years, struggled to deal with this as we were extremely close..

    Even as I write this tbh, I have a knot on my stomach, this knot is with me everyday, a reminder that I'm still unwell, its my anxiety.. I'm on and off tablets all The time, they work but I gain weight and lose my sex drive, so it's hard to find a healthy balance

    I don't believe you can cure mental health problems, but I believe with the correct treatment and therapy you can control it so you can lead a normal healthy life, I've felt it even if just for short periods over the last 15 years.

    I remember watching dexter the series a few years ago and I found the best way to summarise this.

    I have a dark passenger, its always there and I try my best to keep it away and out of the driving seat


    Good luck to you all

    Doesn't help supporting City either lol
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2019
  31. olderskyblue

    olderskyblue Well-Known Member

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    Just unload if you feel you want to. You can already see from this thread that there is no burden on anyone, you'll just get honest, considered responses, and from what i've seen so far, a lot of great advice.
     
  32. Nick

    Nick Administrator

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    However something serious isn't and you won't be judged and would in no way be a burden!
     
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  33. richnrg

    richnrg Well-Known Member

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    a 40 year old dog is, yes.
     
  34. bringbackrattles

    bringbackrattles Well-Known Member

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    When me and my mate Mick first started window cleaning I was amazed at the "behaviour" of some women customers. Very flirty and a few were downright filthy, they said stuff to us that would have made the local vicar blush ! I met my missus on the round, but I fancied her mate who was always round her house, as she was a right tease. But me and Mick had some great laughs on the round as he was a funny bloke who made the customers laugh. Sadly he passed away too young at 46 but what a character he was.
     
  35. Houchens Head

    Houchens Head Fairly well known member from Malvern

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    Great post and agree with all you say, especially where you say it takes more than a year to get over the loss of someone close to you. I too, lost someone close. One of my sisters was killed in a car smash in 1972. She was just 23 at the time and left behind a husband and three beautiful kiddies. Even now, 47 years later, I still can't get over her loss. We were very close. I'm still in touch with two of her children (now both in their 40's) and her daughter is now a paramedic, which makes me feel really proud. They never knew their mum but ask me all the time about her life and what she was like.
    I've lost a good few other people in my life as well; my oldest brother at 50, my mum, my dad, best mate aged 40, another close friend at 44, and a further good friend Gus McGrath, owner of Scholars. He was just 54, same age as my dad was.
     

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