Are you happy

fellatio_Martinez

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Mar 22, 2011
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They were extremely close, and it has hit my wife like an express train, even though we were expecting it.
Sorry to hear about your troubles.

I've found that grief only properly kicks in the moment the person dies. It's like a lightning bolt of sadness just hits you. In the films everyone is blubbing and crying for days before the person dies but it doesn't work like that.
 
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Liquid Gold

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Sep 16, 2013
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Brizzle
@Earlsdon_Skyblue1 I had a similar thing happen a few years ago. Met a girl we fell hard for one another but both lived in different places and both coming out of something heavy. I lived in London at the time and that's where she was from, all her friends were there, I got on with them and she'd move away to be with her ex. It felt like it needed some unknown thing just to click into place and it would be perfect. We met at festivals and spent a summer together, not quote holidays and stuff but has that same feeing of being away from the real word. After the summer was over things started to drip like you'd mentioned. I also did what you're doing now of leaving it to her to initiate contact. I got one email from a burner account from her one time saying how strong her feelings were and she dreamt of me almost every night but she just can't see how things would work. I replied but it bounced back as she'd just deleted the account. That was the last time I spoke to her, it was really rough at the time and I can understand the anxiety about letting it all go as things can seem so perfect but after I accepted that things weren't going to progress I was able to take a step back and evaluate myself, find areas for self improvement but also realise that some things weren't my or her fault but just bad timings or poor fate. Eventually I got over it all and it's just a footnote, I've been with my other half for year, got engaged a few months ago and couldn't be happier.

I didn't mean to hijack you in any way here, just express that from my experiences this is rough but even if you don't get what you want here things will get better. When you're in the middle of it it seems like it's the only light at the end tunnel but it really isn't and you will come out stronger for the experience.
 

clint van damme

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May 3, 2015
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Really really rough day.
My mother in law passed away last night (not from covid).
My wife had moved in with her two weeks ago to look after her, in her last days.
They were extremely close, and it has hit my wife like an express train, even though we were expecting it.
She came home to me and our two kids this morning and completely lost the plot. She was hearing her mums voice in her head and hallucinating.
I think it was due to a mixture of shock, grief and exhaustion.

Seeing her go through that nearly broke me this morning. She went to sleep for a few hours, and woke up in a much more level state.

It's been one of the hardest days of my life.
I know there are tough days left to come, both for my wife, and my kids, who are also distraught.

It's good to have a thread like this to let shit go.


Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk
Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately a bad situation that will no doubt be made worse by trying to deal with it in the current climate.
All the best to you and your family
 
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I_Saw_Shaw_Score

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May 8, 2015
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I was seriously considering just going to the doctor and asking for pills when I stumbled upon an app called Dare. It guides you through clinically proven ways to manage anxiety and how to stop it in it's tracks. I found myself instantly becoming less tense and the cloud lifting the first night I listened. The audio is spoken by an expert who has a very relaxing and comforting tone. It almost feels like a therapy session. There are also meditations in the programme but I personally find them less helpful than actual expert advice.

I downloaded it a week ago and today I feel almost 100% fine and if I do feel a rush of anxiety I know how to handle it instead of just worrying and making it worse which I'd been doing for about a year or so. A constant loop of worrying about feeling anxious which made me more anxious which manifested itself physically which in turn lead to more worry and so on. Being inside your own head all day is exhausting and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.


I highly recommend the app. It tackles depression and worry also. You can sign up for a free 15 day trial which unlocks the entire app which I think is enough time to get the full benefits without spending a penny.

Dare Apps — Dare Response
Its been a while since I posted but just wanted to say Thanks very much for mentioning Dare FM!
 

Earlsdon_Skyblue1

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Dec 15, 2015
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@Earlsdon_Skyblue1 I had a similar thing happen a few years ago. Met a girl we fell hard for one another but both lived in different places and both coming out of something heavy. I lived in London at the time and that's where she was from, all her friends were there, I got on with them and she'd move away to be with her ex. It felt like it needed some unknown thing just to click into place and it would be perfect. We met at festivals and spent a summer together, not quote holidays and stuff but has that same feeing of being away from the real word. After the summer was over things started to drip like you'd mentioned. I also did what you're doing now of leaving it to her to initiate contact. I got one email from a burner account from her one time saying how strong her feelings were and she dreamt of me almost every night but she just can't see how things would work. I replied but it bounced back as she'd just deleted the account. That was the last time I spoke to her, it was really rough at the time and I can understand the anxiety about letting it all go as things can seem so perfect but after I accepted that things weren't going to progress I was able to take a step back and evaluate myself, find areas for self improvement but also realise that some things weren't my or her fault but just bad timings or poor fate. Eventually I got over it all and it's just a footnote, I've been with my other half for year, got engaged a few months ago and couldn't be happier.

I didn't mean to hijack you in any way here, just express that from my experiences this is rough but even if you don't get what you want here things will get better. When you're in the middle of it it seems like it's the only light at the end tunnel but it really isn't and you will come out stronger for the experience.
Thank you so much for the post. I did read it before but just wanted to reply when I had the time to put a proper message together.

It seems like we both went through a very similar thing. Nearly everything you said I can relate to.

I don't know if I'll ever hear from her again, but at this point reaching out isn't an option. I was up front with how I felt and told her she has space to figure herself out, and to get in touch if she feels she wants to. I didn't really have another option I guess.

I'm feeling much better in the respect that I'm getting on with life and it isn't so upsetting but I still miss her every day. Her friend reaching out was weird but guess I can't read too much into it.

I think it's so hard when something is that good and it just turns into a car crash without any really warning or explanation. Like you said though, some things are out of our control and I don't think she ever meant to hurt me on purpose.

The door is open but I'm getting on with my life. That's all I can do now, even though I wonder each day and curious if she still thinks of me in that way.

Thanks again for your message, it's really nice to know there are others out there who have a very similar experience.
 
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Liquid Gold

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Brizzle
Thank you so much for the post. I did read it before but just wanted to reply when I had the time to put a proper message together.

It seems like we both went through a very similar thing. Nearly everything you said I can relate to.

I don't know if I'll ever hear from her again, but at this point reaching out isn't an option. I was up front with how I felt and told her she has space to figure herself out, and to get in touch if she feels she wants to. I didn't really have another option I guess.

I'm feeling much better in the respect that I'm getting on with life and it isn't so upsetting but I still miss her every day. Her friend reaching out was weird but guess I can't read too much into it.

I think it's so hard when something is that good and it just turns into a car crash without any really warning or explanation. Like you said though, some things are out of our control and I don't think she ever meant to hurt me on purpose.

The door is open but I'm getting on with my life. That's all I can do now, even though I wonder each day and curious if she still thinks of me in that way.

Thanks again for your message, it's really nice to know there are others out there who have a very similar experience.
All you can do is carry on. She'll either come back and it will be worth it or you'll wake up one day realising you haven't thought about her for a week and you've moved on.
 
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Ccfcsj

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Apr 1, 2011
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My issues at the beginning of this year are already on here so not going to go over them again. 4 months later and I was just getting my life back together and now this weekend my car has been keyed, not once but twice - every panel affected.

Had to get the police involved so can't say any more.

Am I happy, far from it but I have my family's and now the police's support

Hope the saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' is true
 

clint van damme

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May 3, 2015
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My issues at the beginning of this year are already on here so not going to go over them again. 4 months later and I was just getting my life back together and now this weekend my car has been keyed, not once but twice - every panel affected.

Had to get the police involved so can't say any more.

Am I happy, far from it but I have my family's and now the police's support

Hope the saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' is true
Good to hear you seem a bit stronger.
HopefullyHope they get the bastard responsible for your car
 
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skyblue1991

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Dec 19, 2012
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Woke up this morning with brain fog and no motivation.

What did I do to overcome it? Drink water.

You may not feel like it but try and drink a couple of pints of water if you feel a bit lethargic. After an hour you will feel 10x times better ready to take on the world.
 
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hill83

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Sep 15, 2008
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Woke up this morning with brain fog and no motivation.

What did I do to overcome it? Drink water.

You may not feel like it but try and drink a couple of pints of water if you feel a bit lethargic. After an hour you will feel 10x times better ready to take on the world.
I've got a bottle of water on the go all day every day except for when I'm in the pub. Can't recommend it enough.
 

Nick

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Feb 25, 2008
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Yeah I got one of those big bottles and tried to drink one of those every day.

Since the lockdown it's been easier just to get cans from the fridge.
 

hill83

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Sep 15, 2008
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I started this as a teacher cos I was talking all day and carried it on when I left. So much hunger and general shittiness is actually dehydration.
Definitely, I rarely snack. Rarely eat crisps or chocolate. And when I feel like I'm hungry I drink water.
I'll admit though, that was a technique I developed growing up as we barely had any food in the house.
 

fernandopartridge

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Dec 9, 2011
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I find that I drink significantly more water whilst working (at work) than I do at home. It's far more habitual at work whereas I drink much less at home. Agree on its benefits though
 

skyblue1991

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Dec 19, 2012
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Definitely, I rarely snack. Rarely eat crisps or chocolate. And when I feel like I'm hungry I drink water.
I'll admit though, that was a technique I developed growing up as we barely had any food in the house.
It's a habit I need to get into.

If I feel like snacking, eithe rhaving soemthing healthy (e.g. piece of fruit) or drink some water.
 

clint van damme

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May 3, 2015
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I find that I drink significantly more water whilst working (at work) than I do at home. It's far more habitual at work whereas I drink much less at home. Agree on its benefits though
Exactly the same. Drink loads at work, almost 2nd nature but have to force myself to drink it at home
 

Ccfcsj

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Apr 1, 2011
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Good to hear you seem a bit stronger.
HopefullyHope they get the bastard responsible for your car
Car now gone in for repair - Police have no evidence so can't take things further. However, I have now put up CCTV to watch in case anything else happens.

Now had further issues where the police have had to come out and more reports recorded - however still no sign to the end of this current nightmare.

Looking to move house as soon as possible now to escape all this and try to start afresh
 

clint van damme

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May 3, 2015
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Car now gone in for repair - Police have no evidence so can't take things further. However, I have now put up CCTV to watch in case anything else happens.

Now had further issues where the police have had to come out and more reports recorded - however still no sign to the end of this current nightmare.

Looking to move house as soon as possible now to escape all this and try to start afresh
sounds dreadful.
Good luck with moving, hopefully you can get somewhere else ASAP.
 

Ccfcsj

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Apr 1, 2011
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sounds dreadful.
Good luck with moving, hopefully you can get somewhere else ASAP.
Unfortunately it is. Scared to be in the house in case something happens; scared to leave the house in case we bump into the person or something happens to the house when not there. Hardly sleeping though worry. I'll get through it though - determined to come out the other side a stronger person in a house where I can relax and enjoy life again

Just got to hope I can get the value I need for my house and a mortgage I can afford for a new house
 

clint van damme

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May 3, 2015
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Unfortunately it is. Scared to be in the house in case something happens; scared to leave the house in case we bump into the person or something happens to the house when not there. Hardly sleeping though worry. I'll get through it though - determined to come out the other side a stronger person in a house where I can relax and enjoy life again

Just got to hope I can get the value I need for my house and a mortgage I can afford for a new house
you've got CCTC now which is a good start, is there anything else you can do to beef up security? I'm sure you'll be fine but it just gives you peace of mind. Things like door and window jammers are cheap and easy to fit.
You sound really determined to get through this so I'm sure you will come out the other side in a better place, mentally and literally.
 

Earlsdon_Skyblue1

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Dec 15, 2015
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Unfortunately it is. Scared to be in the house in case something happens; scared to leave the house in case we bump into the person or something happens to the house when not there. Hardly sleeping though worry. I'll get through it though - determined to come out the other side a stronger person in a house where I can relax and enjoy life again

Just got to hope I can get the value I need for my house and a mortgage I can afford for a new house
Do you know who the person is? Apologises if I missed something.

Sorry to hear about all this.
 

wingy

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Jul 9, 2011
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Yes although the police (or won't) do anything
What has been the trigger here If it's not too personal to share , although If you'd rather not that's perfectly understandable
Reason for asking Is If council could be involved with solving.or lawyers perhap
 

Ccfcsj

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Apr 1, 2011
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What has been the trigger here If it's not too personal to share , although If you'd rather not that's perfectly understandable
Reason for asking Is If council could be involved with solving.or lawyers perhap
Don't want to go too deep into it but it started when she demanded money from me to which I said no - it all escalated from there
 

Earlsdon_Skyblue1

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Dec 15, 2015
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I'm currently trying to plan revenge on a guy who orchestrated getting me fired from my job about a year ago.

Need some moderation though, some of my ideas are a bit whacky.

Any half responsible (or not) thoughts on how I can screw with someone (who really deserves it) please let me know.
 

Liquid Gold

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Sep 16, 2013
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Brizzle
I'm currently trying to plan revenge on a guy who orchestrated getting me fired from my job about a year ago.

Need some moderation though, some of my ideas are a bit whacky.

Any half responsible (or not) thoughts on how I can screw with someone (who really deserves it) please let me know.
Go on the DW, get a hacker to get all his passwords for you then send some horrible emails from his account and get him sacked.
 
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NorthernWisdom

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Apr 23, 2013
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I'm currently trying to plan revenge on a guy who orchestrated getting me fired from my job about a year ago.

Need some moderation though, some of my ideas are a bit whacky.

Any half responsible (or not) thoughts on how I can screw with someone (who really deserves it) please let me know.
Back in the day, I'd have said buy him a BNP membership, then wait for the list of members to be hacked and publicised. So... Britain First? EDL?
 
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chiefdave

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Sep 27, 2008
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Was listening to a podcast yesterday and they threw out the stat that 85% don't like their job. Quick google seems to suggest there are polls that back it up.

That must have a huge impact on peoples overall happiness given how much of our life is taken up with work. Not to mention that things are 'always on' these days and, for salaried employees at least, longer than contracted hours expected.

I think back to my Dad and he worked 9-5, never had to start early, never asked to stay late. That was the norm. Lunch breaks, and other breaks were enforced as well. And (I've just checked with him) in the 50 years he was working for the same employer he had one phone call at home.

Compare that to now. I work supposedly 9-5 but am expected to be in the office at 8 and lucky to be home by 7. Very rare to get a lunch break or even to be able to take a full years leave allowance. Evening and weekend calls and emails are a regular occurrence. Don't think its just down to my employer as this is the third job in a row where its been like this.

Work life balance, for lack of a better term, seems to have seriously gone wrong somewhere along the way. Then to top it all off my generation get told the reason we can't afford houses, car, holidays etc as our parents did is because we're lazy and don't work hard enough!