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How many overs are we likely to face? 20? My prediction is the loss of 3 wickets and Ashes chances over. Hope England can dig in.

I think it's all the training they get swimming away from sharks and running away from crocs.

Hooray!!! We take a bloomin wicket!!

Guessing they won't risk Tom Curran.

Forgot about Plunkett and yeah, it's a surprise he's not in the squad.

I didn't realise that Overton was so slow. Boycott saying he's not quick enough for Australian wickets. We're there no other candidates for that slot besides Ball?

And it's now the clown show. Two fielders going for the exact same catch, result, catch not taken. :(

Yep, as you say, it's the kids now getting smartphones at 10 and 11 (and seemingly the vast majority of the kids getting iPhones specifically. It is the must have). Yeah, on Snapchat, the police said that is the most problematic in terms of paedophile inflitraton. Far and away for them. This...

This is getting rather embarrassing now and England's bowling is ragged. Now looking like 450 might well be on the cards.

Yep and I think we felt sorry for ourselves as soon as we knew that Stokes wasn't going.

Well I haven't, unless that was you who used to send me anonymous short and curlies through the post. Always thought it was my sister, but now you have worried me just a tad.

Well I think that's it. Just passed 350 and the runs are starting to flow now as well. 400 is truly on the cards. Not at all what you want when you send someone in to bat first and that must be very deflating for England. I would now expect us to not make it past 250-270. Sincerely hope I am...

There is a bit of that for sure, the running the clock down, but that is just the same as taking the ball into the corner flags in football. The scale of cheating and feigning injury and diving and time wasting in football makes American football pale in significance. The great thing about the...

Hmm, not looking good. We need them all out for below 350. Anything more than that and I think we will lose.

Shame. Was hoping it might calm you down and make you sensible. :) Good luck!!

That's a bit false though isn't it. You are talking about time wasted rather than players time wasting. Two completely different things. You can't for the best part, deliberately time waste in American football because it is all on the clock and the clock stops at the end of many plays. Time...

N*pe!

Probably because he's Fr**ch. Oh right, there you go. Proves it. You can't say Fr**ch.

Depends if you're a f***ing c**t or not.