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The only day of the year when we have nut roast. But it's a special one this year from some celebrity chef's book - with apricot, chestnuts and aubergine.

When I was a kid I prayed every night for six months for a new bike, but I never got one. Then I realised that God doesn't work like that. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

I'm surprised he's wearing the sponsor's logo, he doesn't usually do marketing.

Am I the only one that is surprised that it's 30 years since Chernobyl and still no superheroes?

"The Banning Order". Shame, I thought this might be the name of a gritty new ITV drama. Starring Mark Venus as Jobbo, an unemployed lumberjack, it follows Mark wandering around Coventry in the 1970s harassing shoppers... No more ITV threads please guys - it's getting boring now.

"Can the Telegraph Sink Much Lower?" Shame, I thought this was the name of a new ITV Game Show. Hosted by Mark Venus, contestants stand on either side of a large pool and throw stones at the Telegraph, which sinks further with each hit. The team to get it most submerged wins an electronic...

Good, 'cos that's where we play strikers.

Shame, I thought that "Out with Mark Venus" might be the name of a new ITV series. In episode 1 he takes Jeremy Corbyn to a greyhound meet; episode 2 he takes Holly Willoughby paintballing...

Surely some mistake?

This is the line where I believe professional fees could lie. The average means nothing over such a wide spread of salaries. 105 managers and players for £3.57m. We have maybe 50 players and say 15 coaches and managers. You have to add in Fisher & friends and an office manager but I cannot...

Police in Leicester found a cannabis farm & smuggled heroin; £200k of stolen goods; people trafficking and over 15 guns in a house behind the public library. Local residents were shocked: "We didn't know we had a library".

I didn't see your reply before I posted. How odd that we chose the same adjectives.

I understand your cynicism - but it's not what you think. Dark, moody, dystopian and no robots running around. You may be surprised.

Nope. I knocked a spreadsheet when I first saw the numbers. Even with the most outrageous assumptions I couldn't get close to the costs in the accounts. Cannot prove a thing; have no evidence; but I smell a rat.

At least now Reda's gone we have got some piss though.

Too true - I could see this coming. EU disappears into its own rectum; Labour swerves to the mad left and you get the nasties as a result. I'm hoping that we've seen some signs that Trump isn't going to do half of what he promised.

Ha ha. Don't bite people.

Did you use the wrong spelling of discrete/discreet deliberately because we were talking numbers? Top marks if you did.

What kind of a person posts this? Let's look at the evidence: 1. New member with 19 posts; 2. "please keep swearing to a minimum there are women on this forum and it is a bit common" 3. Ludicrous claims And now a joke. Hmmm, methinks I smell a troll. Did you remember to use a different PC...