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It works! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've been impotent for 20 years. I just muttered 'It looks like Peter Crouch may be coming out of retirement to join Coventry City on a six month contract' under my breath... and bless my soul if Little Trench isn't pointing North. Thank you.

I shouldn't get that excited. We're third favourite because of recent results and current league position. Lose the next game and out we go again.

Home against Birmingham less likely to generate a good gate you reckon?

Has to be Man U away - we're not going to win this cup, so best to get the most cash out of the experience to support the promotion drive (or hopefully to prepare for the Championship in the summer). With a capacity of 74k, a game at Old Trafford could make the club over £1m in just one game...

Thanks. Could you please send text updates to my phone every 5 minutes?

We're rubbish at crossing the ball into the box under any scenario: free play; free kicks and corners. I don't know we bother even taking them; better to save the time and just pass it to their keeper.

Are you the SkyBlue1991 who is rude to strangers on the internet?

You spoil that boy! He's never going to learn to use the internet by himself if you keep doing it for him.

I think your secretary is back from vacation now so I've stood down from covering for her. Tell her that there's a new-fangled internet search tool called Google and that she'll probably find out using that.

Not only do we not know, but I doubt we'll ever know. The club is hardly going to advertise that it's just received a wadge of dosh and mismanage selling clubs' xfer fee expectations (or indeed players' wage expectations). I read that Jesse Lingard is being offered in part-exchange. If we are...

I doubt that anyone here knows - and we'd only know if someone in the club told us. I have zero knowledge of what actually happens in football transfer contracts. However it seems to me that there are several options: 1. The percentage we negotiated only applies to the first transfer (from...

Sunderland's current style is all about conceding more goals than they score. I reckon he could fit in if he really tried.

The big difference I see this year is the way we play after we have gone ahead. For years I have seen us forget trying to play football and cower in our own half, booting the ball randomly back to the opposition and yielding possession until we concede one or more goals. This year we are...

He speaks very highly of you.

Was it six figures for each? Sounds quite high for what feels like a high risk gamble. Did we pay six figures for Bosma too?