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There's been a McFlurry of signings

Blimey - those years indoors have done him no favours .How pale can you get whilst still being alive? His face looks like my big toe after I've taken a plaster off it.

good point. It should have said 'Gary' Hoffman and 'Alan' Shearer. Sorry.

Hoffman Shearer

everyone on radio 'phone-ins', but especially those with cockney accents that say they are Liverpool/Manure supporters, and then say 'we' when describing what Liverpool/Manure should do/have done. FFS! You're from London you cunts. If you want to be a glory supporter then pick Chelsea, Spuds or...

given our standard of play surely PMSL seats are the way forward.

here's another serial offender oops

John Bishop tells a joke: 9:30 pm: "I used to haaave threeeee teen-age sonnnns...." 10:00 pm: "I've nowwww gottt twoo teeeeeeeeeeeeen-age sonnnnns.........and...."etc

twats in tight black polo-necks wearing wireless headset microphones walking around a stage talking about the exciting launch of their new electronic product.

or perhaps re-arrange the letters of your competitors shop sign one night to confuse/discourage their customers e.g. A DRY COC FART

"I've done promos, used advertising space in the centre and all sorts. I really can't grumble about the numbers I have coming in, it's much better than I ever predicted." so it's not the footfall that's the problem. (sexism alert) Perhaps you need a bird with big tits serving behind the counter.

i bet you were deflated.

Bugger!

I've started to swear a lot more recently, so I phoned the tourettes helpline to see if I had a problem. They told me to fuck off.