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Just after the birth of one of my kids, I popped outside for some fresh air and overheard a new dad on his phone telling his family about the arrival of his new baby. Apparently the baby was fine but 'a bit swollen', and as such it 'the doctors can't tell whether it's a boy or a girl just yet'...

supermarket staff (usually in small 'tesco extras' or 'co-op locals' or whatever they're called) who have finished their shift, are doing their own shopping and are in front of you in the queue. Invariably they will have a nice chat with Pat on the till about their shift patterns for that week...

You're right - Villa eh? What a cúnt

+1 for the offensive - very funny. A cross between 2012 / W1A /The thick of it

where's her right hand?

was one of them you?

i once pissed 4 1/4 pints in one go (measured in 5 x pint glasses as a challenge)

sorry - just wanted to know if it smashed or not? Did you catch it just before it smashed (pointless) or did your catch prevent it from smashing (superb)

i thought you said you were kind to animals.

you caught it just before it smashed against the worktop? Not much point catching it then.

what are you going to do with the remaining 4 1/2 minutes?

....rodgered by 19

sounds like the perfect wife (i.e she lives next door)

This American Life (and it's spin-off Serial). Brilliant if you like human interest stories. Guardian Football Weekly Quickly Kevin Will he score - 90's football

the peado thread

the big boxing day shit is always a highlight for me.

would you really walk into a pub and say "I would like a pint of beer". Or do you wear a monocle?

I'm wondering how she got to carry the Olympic torch in 2008 (Bejing)?. Is it because she told them that she likes Chinese food?

..and don't have 'league 1 champions 2018-19' underneath.

you seem to spend a lot of your time in supermarkets