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it's good, but it's not right

if it was, I'm spending it

'HIS'

how did you come up with such a fantastic competition format in such a short time?

no sorry, the amount I found was slightly higher. Hope it turns up.

ah, good point. It wasn't at a 'generally disliked' club if that helps.

is that relevant?

I found some cash (just over £100) in a scrunched up bunch of notes on the floor under a seat in the stadium when leaving a football match the other evening. I was one of the last to leave so not many others around, and everyone on that particular row had left. No wallet, just the cash. What...

a 'Mr Patel' cold-called me the other day to tell me that I had a problem with Windows. I wonder if it's the same Mr Patel?

are you sure that it wasn't HER bucket that was leaking (i.e. too much tea)?

people that say "yeah, no" someone in my office often says "yeah yeah, no no" do you mean 'yes', in which case say 'yes'. Or do you mean 'no', in which case say 'no'. But don't say both. You c**t.

sorry, a bit football related, but.. The phrase 'he just loves scoring goals' i.e. when a pundit is discussing the merits of a player, they often say "but do you know what I like about him the most.....he just loves scoring goals!". As if this gives him some sort of advantage over all other...

not really, obviously. Anyone else keep thinking that this is the title of the other thread? Man arrested for killing a burglar

you mean that garage that sells dodgems every easter? I thought they looked dodgy. The bastards charged me 2 tokens for a test drive, too.

Bit of pedantry, but I don't think 'Trade descriptions' have a telephone number. You could try 'Trading Standards' instead.

you must buy the posh nescafe if it costs you £1.50 a cup to make it at home.

can't you get the garage that sold it to you to do the MOT?

if it keeps you awake then fair play.

what you talkin about Willis?

couldn't he shit his own self?