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And melted down for glue.

That's what I tell myself when I'm giving it to the missus.

On the flip side, I have a cousin who moved to Sydney but returned home a year later and said people over there are very clicky and hard to make friends with.

I had a dream that we won 2-1 with a winning goal in the 6th minute of injury time scored by Kanye West.

I'm confused about what tip you're referring to now.

I'd agree with that. I can't see any other outcome that makes sense.

If we win and Bolton are liquidised next week then what happens to the points?

I remember watching Coronation Street when I was a child and seeing a few of the characters always pouring brown liquid from those crystal glass decanters and downing it like it was coke, so in my head I thought that it must have been tasty stuff. One day I went to my dad's booze cabinet and...

Have you never heard of walking, you lazy bastard?

The Game is cancelled and we are awarded Bolton's stadium as a result. Sisu pay to get it airlifted to Coventry and we win the Champions League. Just got 5/1 on Bet365 for that outcome.

Yeah, taking the first step and reaching out for help is probably the hardest but ultimately best thing someone with mental health issues can do. There's a Scottish comedian called Limmy who openly talks about his struggles with mental health and how he deals with it. I found it very helpful...

Don't worry lads. Wigan could well loan him to us.

It sounds like you need something strong that will temporarily help, like anxiety medication or whatever. I can't see a bit of meditation or a cup of green tea helping. I don't know what's causing your issues but going days without sleep sounds serious and a trip to a doctor couldn't do any...

This is an example of why people get divorced so much these days.

Make a day of it and visit the sights of Bolton. I've heard that they have a lovely Tesco Express

I haven't felt this much desperation since the last time I asked my girlfriend for sex.

Opening a packet of raw chicken that stinks like rotting flesh and is obviously off even though the use by date is a week away.

Damn, I was hoping to go on there and get personally congratulated on signing a great little player

That's not what your Grindr profile says.

The fancy flavours and massive glasses are too much of an allure for women and bars are taking full advantage. "Ooh look, a tampon and custard cream flavoured gin served in a goldfish bowl!"