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Amazingly the tree has impregnated the woman and the kid is now running around waving it's branches around and allowing birds to nest on him. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

She's just branching out.

Yes that is very irksome. People who say or write "just sayin'..." after a statement are also massive twats. Wouldn't the plane explode if it landed without the wheels?

It's truly odd. I met a guy a few years ago in a pub who sounded like he was fresh off the boat from Emerald Isle. My family is of Irish descent so I was interested to hear where he was born. "Tile Hill" was his response.

I always get a little nervous on take off and landing because that's the time when most planes crash but once in the air I'm fine.

I only discovered this band last week and have been obsessed ever since.

I knew someone would come along and use the 1/1000 shot as an argument.

I had a look at some bookies' odds last night and they all have us as outsiders for automatic promotion and around evens for the play offs. They're rarely wrong.

Sunderland fans won't be happy with the equaliser because it's still a poor result but it takes some pressure off the manager who is getting plenty of anti Scottish remarks made towards him on their forum.

Leave him alone for Pete's sake.

There are way more nut jobs on the Sunderland forum and there's also more overreaction with them, especially their fascination with opposition fans "hoying shit" and their superiority complex makes for utter delusion amongst posters. Still, it's great forum for those exact reasons.

It's a long shot but when you're checking your bags in mention to the airline rep who is checking you in that it's your wedding anniversary, birthday or whatever and if there are free seats in business / first class they have been known to give a free upgrade. The same works in hotels sometimes.

Airlines are scum of the earth. Asking for more money to sit in a seat you've already paid for. I've noticed that they will deliberately split up anyone booked under one name nowadays to scare you into choosing your seat the next time.

I flew with Ryanair to Prague recently and noticed the leg room on their plane has improved. There's no recliner and they've also taken out the big pockets on the back of the seats. I felt much more comfortable. I flew from New York with Norwegian air and the leg room was pathetic which...

And then everyone smiles and says it's lovely even though you were all moaning about the food a minute earlier.

36 Manchester United fans arrested for assault with a prawn sandwich.

The fact is that the bearded lunatic has been getting away with this behaviour for years, possibly decades and people just accept it because they're in a big crowd. It's proof that the bystander effect is real. Fair play to the guy with the kid for challenging him even if he didn't go about it...

That ol' time clock. The cruelest clock of them all.

If I met you in real life I'd slap you about the face with a large trout and tell you to grow a pair of bollocks, you utter dullard.