Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Yet most are or have been in long term relationships.
Are you happy (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter We'll_live_and_die
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Yet most are or have been in long term relationships.
rob9872
Well-Known Member
I'm simply too lazy to have good friends. I'm not a great friend to anyone. Of course if they needed me I'd be there, but I honestly can't be arsed. I know so many people from school, playing football, pool, poker, watching the city, work, mates from the pub and I like lots of them, always have fun in most of those groups, but genuine real mates barely any and that's down to me not really wanting to particularly go anywhere or do anything. Unless it's watching the City, I struggle to find anything interesting these days. A night out seems like a chore when I could be sat in front of the box or having a pointless argument on a faceless phone or PC.
bringbackrattles
Well-Known Member
Most of my old mates are dead !
It's nuts reading all this. I have work mates and have the occasional night out with them but thats about it. I moved around a lot when I was a kid so don't have any mates from school and I often have shitty moments of feeling really lonely. Long term partner (now wife) and shes my best mate but I do often long for a tight knit group of mates.
Felt a bit of a tit when I was arranging our wedding. We were going to get married in the UK originally and obviously, tradition says you need a best man...the only people I could have asked were people I'd known about 3 years (i'm 35) which I found genuinely embarrassing. In the end, this being one reason we buggered off to NYC and did it there.
Sorry to hijack your thread...just read it and was like "oh...not just me then" Anxiety is huge with me. Would love the confidence to say hello to someone in the pub or say hello to fellow City fans in the pub pre game but inevitably I sweat profusely and isolate myself as far away as possible! Good example of this is at New Street when I arrive for a game. I never get a taxi up to the ground because I get mad anxiety that someone will inevitably say "want to share?" As we're obviously going the same place...An ideal opportunity to maybe make a pal to go the game with but I walk instead.
Anxiety is shit and genuinely hinders me every day. Someone once described anxiety to someone who didnt have it as "You know that heart racing moment you realise you're on yoir way to an important job interview/train/bus or whatever and you've realised you're late and then you've lost your keys and you're franticially looking for them shitting yourself on what MIGHT happen...that, over the smallest of things"
With the friends thing its always "What if they dont like me?" Or "Theyll probably think im some weirdo" all from nothing but I can't seem to get past them regardless.
Felt a bit of a tit when I was arranging our wedding. We were going to get married in the UK originally and obviously, tradition says you need a best man...the only people I could have asked were people I'd known about 3 years (i'm 35) which I found genuinely embarrassing. In the end, this being one reason we buggered off to NYC and did it there.
Sorry to hijack your thread...just read it and was like "oh...not just me then" Anxiety is huge with me. Would love the confidence to say hello to someone in the pub or say hello to fellow City fans in the pub pre game but inevitably I sweat profusely and isolate myself as far away as possible! Good example of this is at New Street when I arrive for a game. I never get a taxi up to the ground because I get mad anxiety that someone will inevitably say "want to share?" As we're obviously going the same place...An ideal opportunity to maybe make a pal to go the game with but I walk instead.
Anxiety is shit and genuinely hinders me every day. Someone once described anxiety to someone who didnt have it as "You know that heart racing moment you realise you're on yoir way to an important job interview/train/bus or whatever and you've realised you're late and then you've lost your keys and you're franticially looking for them shitting yourself on what MIGHT happen...that, over the smallest of things"
With the friends thing its always "What if they dont like me?" Or "Theyll probably think im some weirdo" all from nothing but I can't seem to get past them regardless.
Otis
Well-Known Member
Nice to know I am not the only one without friends.
Used to be five of us all go up the City, ST's. They all dropped off one by one.
Then I had all my old school mates, but they went by the wayside, and then my mates from my theatre group, but one then moved to London, one to Stratford and the others, I have no idea anymore.
I turned my back on social media too, which alienated me further. Stopped using FB and Twitter. Only really came on here and if course it's all strangers for the most part.
So, now I have one best mate, but haven't seen him now for about 5 years, though we still message each other all the time. And then another female friend, who is lovely, but always too busy and haven't seen her for about 4 years.
Then I have my wife, but we don't see eye to eye on anything. She hates sport, doesn't like any of the bands I like apart from Depeche Mode. She doesn't like any of the same films or TV either and has also never embraced the UK or our way of life, so doesn't celebrate Christmas.
Luckily, I have my daughter and we like all the same things. However, since she turned 15 she has done the teenage thing, alienated herself and just stays in her room all the time.
Actually, I would say my best friend now is someone I have met on a pen friend site. We talk several times a day and seem to think alike, so that is a great salvation.
Time for a group hug?
Used to be five of us all go up the City, ST's. They all dropped off one by one.
Then I had all my old school mates, but they went by the wayside, and then my mates from my theatre group, but one then moved to London, one to Stratford and the others, I have no idea anymore.
I turned my back on social media too, which alienated me further. Stopped using FB and Twitter. Only really came on here and if course it's all strangers for the most part.
So, now I have one best mate, but haven't seen him now for about 5 years, though we still message each other all the time. And then another female friend, who is lovely, but always too busy and haven't seen her for about 4 years.
Then I have my wife, but we don't see eye to eye on anything. She hates sport, doesn't like any of the bands I like apart from Depeche Mode. She doesn't like any of the same films or TV either and has also never embraced the UK or our way of life, so doesn't celebrate Christmas.
Luckily, I have my daughter and we like all the same things. However, since she turned 15 she has done the teenage thing, alienated herself and just stays in her room all the time.
Actually, I would say my best friend now is someone I have met on a pen friend site. We talk several times a day and seem to think alike, so that is a great salvation.
Time for a group hug?
It's refreshing to realise there are plenty in the same boat.
I'm with you on social media. I sacked it all off about 8 weeks ago. Used to make me worse, the endless pictures of everyone having a great time with family and friends whilst I was sat on my own. Now, I think this site is the site I visit the most...multiple times a day just reading "stuff"
That must be really difficult with the situation with your wife. How do you manage that?
hill83
Well-Known Member
Pay for the Headspace app and there’s a course on anxiety and how to reframe and live with it. Game changer for me.
hill83
Well-Known Member
I’ve got a decent group of mates. I’ve always said from day one that wether I’m in a long term relationship or not I won’t desert my mates. They have said the same. I don’t want to be in the same boat as a older blokes I know who deserted mates and now have none. Seems so daft to me.
Pretty much what happened to me after my first relationship. Had kids etc and focussed 100% on that.
Nice one for the reccomendation as well.
Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Yeah can’t argue with that.
Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
In our group 3 of us have long term partners (one just engaged), me included. They join on nights out though lately the third bloke has been doing pretty much what you describe. Moved in with her quickly now we hardly see him.
fellatio_Martinez
Well-Known Member
Comfort is the killer of many things.
Otis
Well-Known Member
God knows.
She's a nice person, but we have zero in common, so I go to concerts with my daughter, watch the likes of The Walking Dead, Sherlock, Fargo, Taskmaster etc with her and we hang out together too at places like Fargo. My wife likes none of the above.
hill83
Well-Known Member
To be fair back then was purely just meet up get pissed and go clubbing. Now we meet up with our kids and wives as well occasionally and our wives are friends as well now etc. Alongside the usual sesh.
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Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
We’re somewhere between. Used to always go for freshly chiselled burgers at the Colly until someone said ‘alright sir’. Cue hasty exit.
hill83
Well-Known Member
“Not tonight sir”
fellatio_Martinez
Well-Known Member
I think that men and women naturally splinter off into different interests but there needs to be some kind of mutual ground or else you'll just resent them for being so different.
Is there anything she likes that you can both enjoy together?
Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
To be fair the idea that teachers don’t live in the school is an odd concept for some
richnrg
Well-Known Member
don't mean this nastily, but why did you marry her in the first place? Did you ever have anything in common?
That sounds like you made the best out of it with your daughter though which is cool.
NorthernWisdom
Well-Known Member
How are you with exchanges? Are you willing to do something she likes in exchange for her doing something you like, and (most importantly!) everybody's happy doing that?
Difference in itself isn't a problem, but it is if it makes you feel lonely.
Nick
Administrator
Who did they get to smell their fingers though?
Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Just like my mates Simon, Will and Jay.
NorthernWisdom
Well-Known Member
They're all 89 too?
Mcbean
Well-Known Member
I love my wife very much but she is awkward with some of my family and my old friends which makes it quite difficult to make arrangements- long term Health issues also don’t make it the easiest to manage social eventing - we don’t get invited to much which is a shame and as above social media does not help this however I do like it for my main hobby which she accepts and football this site for instance I enjoy ( not some of the personal arguments but I just ignore these) - makes me laugh a lot and that’s important - humour is a great repairer
Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Yeah. Jay’s dad jacked Ferrari’s for the mafia so they aged them all by 70 years
fellatio_Martinez
Well-Known Member
Controlling spouses who won't let the man out? I've seen it with a few friends and my brother is borderline caged up the poor fucker.
Now there is an easy way out of that which is leave the woman but that's easier said than done, especially when kids are involved.
hill83
Well-Known Member
Yeah true. Surely you’d spot that sort of behaviour early on though and get out of it? No time for that. I wouldn’t dream of telling my wife what to do, same for her. Mutual respect and all that.
fellatio_Martinez
Well-Known Member
Common sense should prevail but it appears that some men get a whiff of beaver and all bets are off. Maybe they haven't been successful with women and don't want to back to kleenex and chill? Who knows, I'm sure every case is different but I know that for some men that abandoning their friends isn't a choice they made.
hill83
Well-Known Member
Ha ha.
