The Parenting Thread... (1 Viewer)

Skyblueweeman · Oct 8, 2018

As I've mentioned a couple times (apologies if I've bored anyone....), I'm due to become a father to my first child. My wife is currently 11 days overdue so we're going to the hospital this afternoon to try and kick start the labour process and if that doesn't work, then she's going to be induced tomorrow so either way, I'll be a dad to a newborn in the next 48 hours or so.

Words cannot describe the excitement I'm feeling right now. We don't know if it's a boy or girl but as long as they're healthy, that's all the matters...and my wife being ok after the birth as well.

Has anyone else had any newborns recently for the first time? Any words of advice other than the standard get as much sleep as you can, work as a team etc?

fernandopartridge · Oct 8, 2018

Skyblueweeman said:
As I've mentioned a couple times (apologies if I've bored anyone....), I'm due to become a father to my first child. My wife is currently 11 days overdue so we're going to the hospital this afternoon to try and kick start the labour process and if that doesn't work, then she's going to be induced tomorrow so either way, I'll be a dad to a newborn in the next 48 hours or so.

Words cannot describe the excitement I'm feeling right now. We don't know if it's a boy or girl but as long as they're healthy, that's all the matters...and my wife being ok after the birth as well.

Has anyone else had any newborns recently for the first time? Any words of advice other than the standard get as much sleep as you can, work as a team etc?

Yes mate, my lad is coming up for 7 months now.

Everything is a bit of a whirlwind really, it's a culture shock but one you adapt to really quickly to the extent that it's hard to remember your life pre-baby.

You must work as a team as it can get a bit fraught. Try if you can to sleep when the baby is and don't worry about trivial stuff like housework etc, it doesn't matter.

When you go back to work, employers are generally pretty understanding of the pressures of a newborn baby so use that to your benefit where you can.

I know it sounds like a lazy cliché but enjoy it, time goes quickly and they change so quickly

Nick · Oct 8, 2018

As Fernando has said, it's a bit of a whirlwind.

My daughter was 5 weeks early and it happened really quickly, 2PM I was at work not thinking about it as there was 5 weeks left and by 9.30PM she was born.

Also as said enjoy it! Congratulations and hope it goes OK!

Skyblueweeman · Oct 8, 2018

Thanks both.

My work are pretty accommodating already FP. I can work from home when I don't need to be in HQ or with clients so as the wife is overdue, I've been working from home for the best part of over two weeks. Managed to get a lot done!

We have such a great relationship the wife and I that I know that we'll be fine on the teamwork front. I think lack of sleep will be the killer for me but we've agreed that the first two weeks, we'll both be up through the night (although she's the only one with the 'equipment' to feed) and then when I'm back at work, she'll do through the night when I'm working and then I can pick up through the weekend with expressed milk so she can catch up on sleep.

Hoping that the trip to the midwife this afternoon gets things kickstarted. And then we'll have a new Sky Blue in the ranks!

Otis · Oct 8, 2018

My advice is don't listen to too much advice.

Biggest disappointment for me was one of my friends (who had a 6 month old) telling me the best bit of having a newborn was that first ever bathtime. He said it was magical and wondrous and I'd remember it forever since.

Hmm. Our daughter hardly ever cried, been the same throughout her whole childhood. Hardly a peep out of her and hardly ever a sleepless night.

Had that first bathtime with her and she absolutely screamed the house down. It was so upsetting because I was told how fantastic it was truly going to be.

It was a horrible experience and I didn't ever forget it, but for all the wrong reasons. From that point on I took everything everyone told me with a big pinch of salt.

Every baby is different. Just go out there and cherish every moment you can.

richnrg · Oct 8, 2018

Otis said:
My advice is don't listen to too much advice.

Biggest disappointment for me was one of my friends (who had a 6 month old) telling me the best bit of having a newborn was that first ever bathtime. He said it was magical and wondrous and I'd remember it forever since.

Hmm. Our daughter hardly ever cried, been the same throughout her whole childhood. Hardly a peep out of her and hardly ever a sleepless night.

Had that first bathtime with her and she absolutely screamed the house down. It was so upsetting because I was told how fantastic it was truly going to be.

It was a horrible experience and I didn't ever forget it, but for all the wrong reasons. From that point on I took everything everyone told me with a big pinch of salt.

Every baby is different. Just go out there and cherish every moment you can.

She should have mentioned not to use the kettle to fill the bath.

fernandopartridge · Oct 8, 2018

Skyblueweeman said:
Thanks both.

My work are pretty accommodating already FP. I can work from home when I don't need to be in HQ or with clients so as the wife is overdue, I've been working from home for the best part of over two weeks. Managed to get a lot done!

We have such a great relationship the wife and I that I know that we'll be fine on the teamwork front. I think lack of sleep will be the killer for me but we've agreed that the first two weeks, we'll both be up through the night (although she's the only one with the 'equipment' to feed) and then when I'm back at work, she'll do through the night when I'm working and then I can pick up through the weekend with expressed milk so she can catch up on sleep.

Hoping that the trip to the midwife this afternoon gets things kickstarted. And then we'll have a new Sky Blue in the ranks!

Sorry, congratulations by the way. You can't beat that moment when you hold them for the first time. It even beat the 3rd goal going in at Notts County

Otis · Oct 8, 2018

richnrg said:
She should have mentioned not to use the kettle to fill the bath.

She? A bit sexist that, mate.

I do have male friends too you know.

Otis · Oct 8, 2018

fernandopartridge said:
Sorry, congratulations by the way. You can't beat that moment when you hold them for the first time. It even beat the 3rd goal going in at Notts County

Err....steady on now. Wouldn't go that far.

Astute · Oct 8, 2018

My wife was late every time and needed starting off with all of them. It seems more like 18 months waiting for the day than 9 months. But as said once arrived time flies. The little one will be running around before you know it.

We have always worked it the same way. If I am at work I sleep at night. If I am not at work the next morning I do the night feeds and whatever else is needed. That way your other half gets a break.

Be prepared for your wife not being able to feed the baby herself. My wife never could but always tried. It gets them very upset. At least these days they are not put under pressure like they used to be. And there is nothing wrong with using stuff you can buy.

You are going to be absolutely knackered at times. But you soon forget once it starts getting easier. Keep an eye open for your other half getting emotional for what you see as no reason. Do what you can do when you can do it.

And get ready to have your hand crushed to bits when she is giving birth. Sneak a bit of gas and air if she uses it. Helps pass the time away. Will last hours and seem longer.

Good to see that you don't know what you are having. We never have done. Gives you something extra to look forward to. We have always had them pass the baby up to her so she can find out for herself.

Good luck and take care. Your life will be turned upside down. But it is worth everything.

Otis · Oct 8, 2018

Astute said:
My wife was late every time and needed starting off with all of them. It seems more like 18 months waiting for the day than 9 months. But as said once arrived time flies. The little one will be running around before you know it.

We have always worked it the same way. If I am at work I sleep at night. If I am not at work the next morning I do the night feeds and whatever else is needed. That way your other half gets a break.

Be prepared for your wife not being able to feed the baby herself. My wife never could but always tried. It gets them very upset. At least these days they are not put under pressure like they used to be. And there is nothing wrong with using stuff you can buy.

You are going to be absolutely knackered at times. But you soon forget once it starts getting easier. Keep an eye open for your other half getting emotional for what you see as no reason. Do what you can do when you can do it.

And get ready to have your hand crushed to bits when she is giving birth. Sneak a bit of gas and air if she uses it. Helps pass the time away. Will last hours and seem longer.

Good to see that you don't know what you are having. We never have done. Gives you something extra to look forward to. We have always had them pass the baby up to her so she can find out for herself.

Good luck and take care. Your life will be turned upside down. But it is worth everything.

Yup.

Only got the one, but ours was 10 days late and my wife was in labour for 34 hours.

Really, really annoying, cos I missed a shed load of good TV programmes while waiting around at the hospital.

Bumberclart · Oct 8, 2018

The only advice I'l offer is to use the same rule used by myself and my missus.
Anything said between 23:00 and 06:00 is instantly forgotten, and will never be taken to heart, or used back at the person who said it.
Possibly saved my marriage, that one.

Astute · Oct 8, 2018

Otis said:
Yup.

Only got the one, but ours was 10 days late and my wife was in labour for 34 hours.

Really, really annoying, cos I missed a shed load of good TV programmes while waiting around at the hospital.

The earliest my wife was is 11 days late. They started her off then as the weekend was coming.

Otis · Oct 8, 2018

Bumberclart said:
The only advice I'l offer is to use the same rule used by myself and my missus.
Anything said between 23:00 and 06:00 is instantly forgotten, and will never be taken to heart, or used back at the person who said it.
Possibly saved my marriage, that one.

Works perfectly for us too, cos at 11 I'm asleep and my missus is still up and at 6 am I am up and she's at work.

Perfect.

Astute · Oct 8, 2018

Bumberclart said:
The only advice I'l offer is to use the same rule used by myself and my missus.
Anything said between 23:00 and 06:00 is instantly forgotten, and will never be taken to heart, or used back at the person who said it.
Possibly saved my marriage, that one.

My rule was take all the shit thrown at me for the first few weeks. Always be polite whatever she said and give no reason for constant rants.

Skyblueweeman · Oct 8, 2018

Astute said:
My wife was late every time and needed starting off with all of them. It seems more like 18 months waiting for the day than 9 months. But as said once arrived time flies. The little one will be running around before you know it.

We have always worked it the same way. If I am at work I sleep at night. If I am not at work the next morning I do the night feeds and whatever else is needed. That way your other half gets a break.

Be prepared for your wife not being able to feed the baby herself. My wife never could but always tried. It gets them very upset. At least these days they are not put under pressure like they used to be. And there is nothing wrong with using stuff you can buy.

You are going to be absolutely knackered at times. But you soon forget once it starts getting easier. Keep an eye open for your other half getting emotional for what you see as no reason. Do what you can do when you can do it.

And get ready to have your hand crushed to bits when she is giving birth. Sneak a bit of gas and air if she uses it. Helps pass the time away. Will last hours and seem longer.

Good to see that you don't know what you are having. We never have done. Gives you something extra to look forward to. We have always had them pass the baby up to her so she can find out for herself.

Good luck and take care. Your life will be turned upside down. But it is worth everything.

Thanks Astute, nice post.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Terry Gibson's perm · Oct 8, 2018

My only advice is for you stay north and don’t head south it’s carnage down there it will stay with you for a long time if you see that car crash.

Good luck to you all

Ashdown · Oct 8, 2018

Try having one about 4 and then having twins........all girls, but that was 19 years ago so no wonder I'm 51 going on 79 at times !! Oh and the teen years have been the hardest by far. Everything up to 13/14 years old was a piece of cake !

Ian1779 · Oct 8, 2018

One thing I found - and this isn't advice as such, but I found myself surrounded by people that wanted to take pictures of everything. It is nice to have memories like that and pictures are great to look back at, but I found that people were getting obsessed taking pictures of literally everything, that often they missed the moments that they wanted to capture. I was much happier just living in all the extraordinary moments that you experience than worrying about trying to ensure they had been captured on film.

Monners · Oct 8, 2018

The only advice I took on board was to take every day as it comes - rather boring I know, but works for me.

Daughter is 18 next month - where does the time go (lad is 12, so I am officially skint)

I_Saw_Shaw_Score · Oct 8, 2018

Congratulations SBW
Nothing much more to add than has already been said, my lad is 3, starts school next year and the time has just gone!

Enjoy it, do it your way, everyone else has the ‘perfect baby’ of course (roll eyes emoji) & stick together as a team and you’ll be fine!

Astute · Oct 8, 2018

Ashdown said:
Try having one about 4 and then having twins........all girls, but that was 19 years ago so no wonder I'm 51 going on 79 at times !! Oh and the teen years have been the hardest by far. Everything up to 13/14 years old was a piece of cake !

Only had one slightly difficult teen.

Have always been very firm but very fair. They get what they need. If they are good they also get what they want if reasonable. But their mother has had a much harder time as what she says and what she does can change.

One of the kids stole something off me. Gave him one chance. He did it again. Wife took him to police station. They put him in cells for 10 minutes. The hard man cried his eyes out. Never stole again.

Otis · Oct 8, 2018

Astute said:
Only had one slightly difficult teen.

Have always been very firm but very fair. They get what they need. If they are good they also get what they want if reasonable. But their mother has had a much harder time as what she says and what she does can change.

One of the kids stole something off me. Gave him one chance. He did it again. Wife took him to police station. They put him in cells for 10 minutes. The hard man cried his eyes out. Never stole again.

Just told my daughter this and she thinks it's outrageous.

Told her she better not steal then, cos if she did I'd do the exact same thing.

Nick · Oct 8, 2018

I_Saw_Shaw_Score said:
Congratulations SBW
Nothing much more to add than has already been said, my lad is 3, starts school next year and the time has just gone!

Enjoy it, do it your way, everyone else has the ‘perfect baby’ of course (roll eyes emoji) & stick together as a team and you’ll be fine!

Yeah, steer away from those twats who like to compare all the time and make everything a competition.

Don't worry about "development" and what other babies are doing.

Astute · Oct 8, 2018

Otis said:
Just told my daughter this and she thinks it's outrageous.

Told her she better not steal then, cos if she did I'd do the exact same thing.

Have a few friends that thought it was outrageous. A couple of them had similar. One ended up doing the same and said it was for the best. Their child suddenly changed. The other one has a grown up child in and out of prison.

Not saying it is the best thing to do. But it certainly works.

And best of all the kids have all thanked me for being the way I was with them whilst growing up at about the age of 18. The slightly difficult one said to me 'You know everything you said to me when I was younger? You was right' Then he changed the subject.

Not been a perfect parent. But I have done my best. That is all you can do. I have 4 that are adults and have never been in any trouble. The next 3 look to be the same. Job done.

Otis · Oct 8, 2018

Astute said:
Have a few friends that thought it was outrageous. A couple of them had similar. One ended up doing the same and said it was for the best. Their child suddenly changed. The other one has a grown up child in and out of prison.

Not saying it is the best thing to do. But it certainly works.

And best of all the kids have all thanked me for being the way I was with them whilst growing up at about the age of 18. The slightly difficult one said to me 'You know everything you said to me when I was younger? You was right' Then he changed the subject.

Not been a perfect parent. But I have done my best. That is all you can do. I have 4 that are adults and have never been in any trouble. The next 3 look to be the same. Job done.

Mine is having a wobble at the moment, but she is 14.

Just lots of mood swings.

JulianDarbyFTW · Oct 8, 2018

My kid was ten weeks early, so it was a real surprise when she arrived. The first night I was numb. My wife was in the George Eliot, my kid at Walsgrave, and I had no idea what to do or where to go. I wanted to be there for them both.

Eight weeks later the kid came out of hospital. That meant I'd had plenty of time to work out a plan. I did every single night feed from that first day home until she stopped needing bottles. It gave us a chance to bond - something that couldn't really happen when she was in an incubator for so long - and I have to say I've really reaped the benefits over the subsequent years. Our relationship is so tight, and she'll happily tell me anything. And I don't keep anything from her (I may dumb things down to her level, but I always try to keep her in the loop with everything from births to deaths).

Anyway, I've digressed. My point is, that while they're so young you get a chance to make a lifelong impact. Take the chance to talk to them, read to them, play with them. They do nothing fun for the first few months - just lie there and poo and cry - but they'll be soaking everything in. Don't sit there watching TV while they're sat in a basket beside you. Interact. Laugh. Read. Make funny faces. Make that bond early. It'll change your life.

Good luck, Weeman. I wish the best to you and your new family.

Astute · Oct 8, 2018

Nick said:
Yeah, steer away from those twats who like to compare all the time and make everything a competition.

Don't worry about "development" and what other babies are doing.

Development? A hard subject.

Have an older lad who has problems but lives an independent life. My youngest lad had to go for all kinds of tests as they said they think he is autistic. Told them he isn't. Of course the experts are always right. After about 3 years they admitted that I am right.

They ignored the fact I already had an autistic child and knew what to look for.

Astute · Oct 8, 2018

Otis said:
Mine is having a wobble at the moment, but she is 14.

Just lots of mood swings.

Teenage girls are fun. Wife has problems but I am their best friend. And they also know it is a waste of time doing drama in front of me as I just send them to bed and ground them :smuggrin:

Otis · Oct 8, 2018

Astute said:
Teenage girls are fun. Wife has problems but I am their best friend. And they also know it is a waste of time doing drama in front of me as I just send them to bed and ground them :smuggrin:

That's what mine wants though. She wants to be sent to her bedroom and not to go anywhere.

It's her dream come true at the moment.

Nick · Oct 8, 2018

Astute said:
Development? A hard subject.

Have an older lad who has problems but lives an independent life. My youngest lad had to go for all kinds of tests as they said they think he is autistic. Told them he isn't. Of course the experts are always right. After about 3 years they admitted that I am right.

They ignored the fact I already had an autistic child and knew what to look for.

Sorry, I didn't mean in a disability kind of way.

Of course if there is an issue like that then look out for them, I just meant the usual twats at the school "my son could walk, talk, shag birds and ride a bike when he was 8 months" type stuff where it becomes a competition.

Astute · Oct 8, 2018

Nick said:
Sorry, I didn't mean in a disability kind of way.

Of course if there is an issue like that then look out for them, I just meant the usual twats at the school "my son could walk, talk, shag birds and ride a bike when he was 8 months" type stuff where it becomes a competition.

Like I said a funny subject.

Lots of parents love saying how good their children are at certain things. But don't dare point out where they are behind.

The first child is the hardest. They don't come with instructions. But when you have had as many as we have you just mellow out. But they still wind you up.

Astute · Oct 8, 2018

Otis said:
That's what mine wants though. She wants to be sent to her bedroom and not to go anywhere.

It's her dream come true at the moment.

One of my old tricks was to go in the bedroom, wrap the electric cables around my hand and then pull the plugs off. They can see their things but can't play on them. Then ground them to their room so they can see them.

Then when they start playing up just ask them if they want their plugs pulling off.

Otis · Oct 8, 2018

Astute said:
One of my old tricks was to go in the bedroom, wrap the electric cables around my hand and then pull the plugs off. They can see their things but can't play on them. Then ground them to their room so they can see them.

Then when they start playing up just ask them if they want their plugs pulling off.

She has pulled a trick there though, because she always tells me she's not decent and I can't go in.

I have parental controls on her devices though and I can just set a time limit and a time they can no longer be used past (8pm at the mo).

JulianDarbyFTW · Oct 8, 2018

Astute said:
One of my old tricks was to go in the bedroom, wrap the electric cables around my hand and then pull the plugs off. They can see their things but can't play on them. Then ground them to their room so they can see them.

Then when they start playing up just ask them if they want their plugs pulling off.

My mum used to take my extension lead so I couldn't plug my Spectrum in. Worst punishment ever.

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