Let's hear them.
Otis I'm expecting a cracker from you auld fruit
Think I mentioned it before on here some time back.
The one that springs to mind is when we used to have a tea trolley come round at our offices in a job way back. Top shelf was a tea and coffee pot and second shelf was a selection of biscuits and chocolate bars.
I was still living at home and my mum would make up packed lunches for me. Every day she gave me a Breakaway biscuit bar and I wasn't that keen on them, so would just stick them in my desk drawer every day, as I didn't want to hurt my mum's feelings.
Anyway, after a few weeks I must have had about 25 of these Breakaway biscuits stuffed in my drawer. We had a young trainee girl working in the canteen at the time. She had only been there a few weeks and I really fancied her. I asked her out and she said no, so one day when she was bringing the trolley round I grabbed my chance for revenge.
She would go into each office and ask if they wanted anything from the trolley and the trolley would be left unattended.
I waited this particular day and as soon as she went in one office I grabbed all the Breakaway bars from my drawer, ran up the corridor, stuck them on the shelf of the trolley and dashed back to my office and lay in wait.
When she reached my office, she came in, asked if I wanted anything and I said I would come out and have a look at what she had got.
I went out, perused all the biscuits on the second shelf and said 'How much are your Breakaway bars?'
She turned to me without looking at the trolley and said quite sharply 'We don't sell Breakaway bars, so don't try and be smart!'
'So, why are they on your trolley then if you don't sell them?'
'Eh?' she says, as she stares at the shelf baffled.
' I want to know the price please, can you go and find out!' says I.
She stood there completely bemused and confused and totally speechless for a few seconds and then decided to go back to the canteen to ask the canteen manager how much the Breakaway bars were.
As soon as she turned the corridor I retrieved all the Breakaway bars and stuck them back in my drawer. I then returned to my position in front of the trolley and awaited her return.
2 mins later and she storms down the corridor declaring 'We don't sell Breakaway bars!'
I retorted with 'I know you don't, I asked about Penguin bars!'
The look on her face was a picture and you could almost see the cogs going round.
When she found out she called me a 'bastard' and never spoke to me again.
Only other one I can remember was when I worked for a French firm. The 4 senior management people were French, but all of the rest of the workforce was English.
I convinced the entire workforce that a new directive had come out and that everyone could only speak French on the shop floor from that point forward and compulsory French lessons would be implemented for all those who couldn't speak French.
Thought it was a job well done....... until the union said they were going to strike over it and I had to come clean before they bashed the manager's door down.