Job Titles (1 Viewer)

Houchens Head · Aug 13, 2019

Are you in a job where the title sounds really impressive but actually, it's just a job?
A few I've come across lately...…...
.
Bread Scientist – Baker
Direct Marketing Demigod – Office clerk
Swiss Army Knife – Jack of all Trades, Master of none.
Digital Overlord – Website Manager
Happiness Advocate – HR Worker
Brand Warrior – Someone who works in Marketing
Beverage Dissemination Officer - Bartender
Retail Jedi – Shop Assistant
And finally, just for BringBackRattles:
Light Enhancement Engineer – Window Cleaner
Anyone got any more or was your own position advertised with daft phrasing?

Malaka · Aug 13, 2019

Wanker- Prime Minister

Gazolba · Aug 13, 2019

Our person in charge of hiring new employees is called The Talent Aquisitions Manager

Corrado · Aug 13, 2019

Sandwich Artist - Subway

We'll_live_and_die · Aug 14, 2019

I'm a Technical Sales Manager who isn't involved in sales at all.

OffenhamSkyBlue · Aug 14, 2019

Gazolba said:
Our person in charge of hiring new employees is called The Talent Aquisitions Manager

That term is pervading the UK workplace as well, Gaz. What about all the talentless wankers they "acquire"?

But also, the number of jobs that are supposedly "Engineers", when they don't have a clue how to engineer anything. They are technicians or operatives. In Germany, you don't get to call yourself the highly-prized title of "Engineer" until you have a doctorate in engineering!

bringbackrattles · Aug 14, 2019

Houchens Head said:
Are you in a job where the title sounds really impressive but actually, it's just a job?
A few I've come across lately...…...
.
Bread Scientist – Baker
Direct Marketing Demigod – Office clerk
Swiss Army Knife – Jack of all Trades, Master of none.
Digital Overlord – Website Manager
Happiness Advocate – HR Worker
Brand Warrior – Someone who works in Marketing
Beverage Dissemination Officer - Bartender
Retail Jedi – Shop Assistant
And finally, just for BringBackRattles:
Light Enhancement Engineer – Window Cleaner
Anyone got any more or was your own position advertised with daft phrasing?

My proper job title Houch is : Pigeon Shit Extractor or : Have A Look At My Gutter While You're Up There Please.

Travs · Aug 14, 2019

I applied for a job a couple of years back with the impressive title of National Estimating Manager.

Suffice to say, neither the salary, nor the responsibilities of the role, were in any way related to the impressiveness of the title.

Travs · Aug 14, 2019

Have also had this in reverse. When I first started work as a Building Services Engineer/Contracts Engineer, most of my mates thought I was a plumber who had given myself a flash title to make it sound better.

Also worked for a couple of major oil/petrol companies, who have storage terminals in the area, as a site engineer... most people seemed to think I was working as a pump attendant in a petrol station.

Ccfcsj · Aug 14, 2019

I am now an IT manager but used have the job title before my promotion as Service and Support Officer - basically an IT jack of all trades.

Mcbean · Aug 14, 2019

Unemployed - Ricoh football steward

Terry Gibson's perm · Aug 14, 2019

Revenue Recovery Operative - I stand around watching parcels going on a belt and adding charges if the customer hasn’t followed the rules.

OffenhamSkyBlue · Aug 14, 2019

Travs said:
I applied for a job a couple of years back with the impressive title of National Estimating Manager.

Suffice to say, neither the salary, nor the responsibilities of the role, were in any way related to the impressiveness of the title.

Is that just guessing stuff?

Sky_Blue_Daz · Aug 14, 2019

Years ago my eldest brother got me a summer job at the Rolls Royce plant in Ansty, he told me I was going to be an industrial hygienist. I interpreted that to be stripping down and cleaning the machinery and was really excited, turned out I was cleaning the toilets in all the shop floors .

Travs · Aug 14, 2019

OffenhamSkyBlue said:
Is that just guessing stuff?

Effectively it’s quoting for projects/work.

eastwoodsdustman · Aug 14, 2019

My current favourite is an internet influencer. Wtf

LastGarrison · Aug 14, 2019

Full Time Mummy

OffenhamSkyBlue · Aug 15, 2019

LastGarrison said:
Full Time Mummy

Is that OK if you're Egyptian?!

Briles · Aug 15, 2019

LastGarrison · Aug 15, 2019

OffenhamSkyBlue said:
Is that OK if you're Egyptian?!

Only if you’re in denial.

hill83 · Aug 15, 2019

LastGarrison said:
Full Time Mummy

As much as people take the piss out of that, I had my son 3 days a week for the first 3 years as I worked shifts and my wife went back full time, and I'll tell you now. My actual job was easier.

hill83 · Aug 15, 2019

Easy since he's turned 4 though. And way more of a laugh.

clint van damme · Aug 16, 2019

hill83 said:
As much as people take the piss out of that, I had my son 3 days a week for the first 3 years as I worked shifts and my wife went back full time, and I'll tell you now. My actual job was easier.

looking after kids is hard as fuck.

bringbackrattles · Aug 16, 2019

clint van damme said:
looking after kids is hard as fuck.

My youngest son is harder work now than when he was a kid. He's 35 !

shmmeee · Aug 16, 2019

hill83 said:
As much as people take the piss out of that, I had my son 3 days a week for the first 3 years as I worked shifts and my wife went back full time, and I'll tell you now. My actual job was easier.

I was at uni and working a couple of days a week while my daughter was 3 and I was doing school runs, childcare, etc.

Loved every second of it, but have a new respect for stay at home Mums. Not the ones who have teenage kids tho!

Terry Gibson's perm · Aug 16, 2019

I work nights and then do the school drop offs in the morning and pick them up after school, but it’s great as I can go to all the awards stuff and sports days

djr8369 · Aug 16, 2019

OffenhamSkyBlue said:
That term is pervading the UK workplace as well, Gaz. What about all the talentless wankers they "acquire"?

But also, the number of jobs that are supposedly "Engineers", when they don't have a clue how to engineer anything. They are technicians or operatives. In Germany, you don't get to call yourself the highly-prized title of "Engineer" until you have a doctorate in engineering!

As somebody works in engineering ‘engineer’ is just thrown around and it diminishes the job and wider industry. Very frustrating.

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Gazolba · Aug 16, 2019

My very first job was working behind the counter at the Post Office.
Our official title was 'Postal Telegraph Officer'.
I have no idea where the 'Telegraph' came from since I never saw one or used one.
We were Government employees and subject to the Official Secrets Act.
When I left, I had to sign a document promising to never reveal any of the very damaging secrets I had learned about stamps and postal orders.
I might even be commiting a crime by posting this.

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