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Divorce (1 Viewer)

  • Thread starter shmmeee
  • Start date Feb 7, 2017
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Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Feb 16, 2017
  • #176
Obviously too worth seeking out Fathers4Justice and any other groups out there of people in like-minded situations.

The more you hear other stories and other outcomes, the more it might guide your thinking, as you will see what the percentage on the outcome of probability will be.
 

covcity4life

Well-Known Member
  • Feb 16, 2017
  • #177
just wrong how women entitled to so much after a failed marriage. dont get it
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Feb 16, 2017
  • #178
covcity4life said:
just wrong how women entitled to so much after a failed marriage. dont get it
Click to expand...
In this, the 21st century, it is just bizarre.

I pay the mortgage in our house and always have done, but I would fully expect me to lose the house if me and the missus ever split up.

I also do all the picking up of my daughter from school, all the taking to parties, all the taking to the park, her constant trips to London, taking her to friends and sleepovers and drama sessions and shows and the cinema and ice skating .....

Basically everywhere. Always me.

Very much expecting with the breakup that I wouldn't get custody of her either.

Hence the murder, sorry, tragic accident planning.
 
Reactions: Astute and Sky Blue Pete

stupot07

Well-Known Member
  • Feb 16, 2017
  • #179
Sorry Shmmeee, you might already have answered this, but have sought legal advice yet?

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
 

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
  • Feb 16, 2017
  • #180
stupot07 said:
Sorry Shmmeee, you might already have answered this, but have sought legal advice yet?

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

Not yet. Looking for the best cost/reliability tradeoff. Don't really want to go full lawyer, been looking at CAB or similar.
 
Reactions: stupot07

Majik

Member
  • Feb 16, 2017
  • #181
Hi Shmmee. I'm a bit of a lurker on the forums in general and have only just stumbled across this thread, and feel I can input as I've been through it in a very similar situation (but without the kids). My ex-wife was fine until her Mum got in her ear and then it all went to shit and the word "fair" lost all meaning. I put her through Uni, paid every bill, including the mortgage on the house (NOT from a joint account) and contributed everything (including the cleaning and cooking, if I'm feeling honest about it all) and paying for the mediators (who were from Cov and very good - referred by CAB) . Now the good news, so to speak.

Weigh up the monetary cost vs the lack of stress. It took me ages and I felt worn down, but in retrospect I should have done it almost instantly. Simply find out what she wants. Get it in writing through somebody legal. Take a long hard look and stop thinking about the time, tears, sweat and stress you put in previously. It's just a number on a piece of paper, and some stuff. Disassociate yourself. Half and half? No problem - ask to be bought out of the house (should be easily done if you've increased the value with repairs and investment) and then MOVE ON!!!!! Every penny you feel aggrieved to give away is ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT to be free of future encumbrances and months of resentment building up. The only thing to be concerned about is your kids. That's it. Get that in writing at the same time to ensure 50/50.

50/50 is the absolute best you can hope for, so don't quibble over objects and numbers. Get it done, and done quickly. Release the burden as soon as you can and rebuild yourself and your life with your kids before it all becomes poisoned (and it WILL if you let it).
 
Reactions: martcov, Astute, fernandopartridge and 6 others

Sick Boy

Super Moderator
  • Feb 16, 2017
  • #182
Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time...I know from my own experience how devastating a break up can be. I know it's a cliché and hard to believe at the moment but you will come out of it stronger and happier. After a break up of a 5 year relationship I found it difficult for a while but I can honestly say now I'm with a woman much better for me, younger and better looking.
 
Reactions: martcov, Astute, shmmeee and 1 other person
S

SkyblueBazza

Well-Known Member
  • Feb 16, 2017
  • #183
Majik said:
Hi Shmmee. I'm a bit of a lurker on the forums in general and have only just stumbled across this thread, and feel I can input as I've been through it in a very similar situation (but without the kids). My ex-wife was fine until her Mum got in her ear and then it all went to shit and the word "fair" lost all meaning. I put her through Uni, paid every bill, including the mortgage on the house (NOT from a joint account) and contributed everything (including the cleaning and cooking, if I'm feeling honest about it all) and paying for the mediators (who were from Cov and very good - referred by CAB) . Now the good news, so to speak.

Weigh up the monetary cost vs the lack of stress. It took me ages and I felt worn down, but in retrospect I should have done it almost instantly. Simply find out what she wants. Get it in writing through somebody legal. Take a long hard look and stop thinking about the time, tears, sweat and stress you put in previously. It's just a number on a piece of paper, and some stuff. Disassociate yourself. Half and half? No problem - ask to be bought out of the house (should be easily done if you've increased the value with repairs and investment) and then MOVE ON!!!!! Every penny you feel aggrieved to give away is ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT to be free of future encumbrances and months of resentment building up. The only thing to be concerned about is your kids. That's it. Get that in writing at the same time to ensure 50/50.

50/50 is the absolute best you can hope for, so don't quibble over objects and numbers. Get it done, and done quickly. Release the burden as soon as you can and rebuild yourself and your life with your kids before it all becomes poisoned (and it WILL if you let it).
Click to expand...
THAT looks like a plan!

...onwards & upwards PUSB
 

Mr T - Sukka!

Active Member
  • Feb 17, 2017
  • #184
Watch this video. And try and remember it.

 
Reactions: shmmeee

Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Feb 17, 2017
  • #185
Sick Boy said:
Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time...I know from my own experience how devastating a break up can be. I know it's a cliché and hard to believe at the moment but you will come out of it stronger and happier. After a break up of a 5 year relationship I found it difficult for a while but I can honestly say now I'm with a woman much better for me, younger and better looking.
Click to expand...
Yes, she is isn't she.
 

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
  • Feb 18, 2017
  • #186
Mr T - Sukka! said:
Watch this video. And try and remember it.

Click to expand...

Ha! Had that phrase "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again" pop into my head when I was feeling down the other day. It does work.
 
Reactions: Sky Blue Pete and Majik

ICHAN

Well-Known Member
  • Feb 18, 2017
  • #187
Sorry to hear your news shmmeee been through it twice, second time sounds very familiar to you, everything was fine just like any other day, I moved over this part of the country so no family etc here, then out of the blue after working nights in Milton Keynes and getting home, I used to pick daughter up from school before I used to drive back to work and she just said as calm as you like "no need to pick daughter up as she was going to see solicitor to see about a divorce" she never spoke of it and hasn't since, all I can say is this to you and how I coped.
If that's what she wants then how can I object, I loved her and was my soul mate, but I just thought to myself, I love her enough to let her be happy and respect her decision.
We have a daughter together and we get on like best friends and I can see my daughter whenever I want.
Although daughter made us left after I moved out, first time I went back the daughter said that they had a party when I left haha 4 year old kids.
Keep smiling mate and it will get better over time and I hope you can both stay friends as it's easier that way.
Good luck
 
Reactions: Astute, stupot07, torchomatic and 3 others
D

Deleted member 5849

Guest
  • Jan 27, 2018
  • #188
God, this is longer ago than I thught!

Anyway, just wondered if this all sorted itself out? (Yes, I know it's a bit odd to wonder about a random pseudonym on a random message board but, hey...)
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Jan 27, 2018
  • #189
Deleted member 5849 said:
God, this is longer ago than I thught!

Anyway, just wondered if this all sorted itself out? (Yes, I know it's a bit odd to wonder about a random pseudonym on a random message board but, hey...)
Click to expand...
Didn't Shmmeee say it was all resolved and back to happy coupling?
 
D

Deleted member 5849

Guest
  • Jan 27, 2018
  • #190
Otis said:
Didn't Shmmeee say it was all resolved and back to happy coupling?
Click to expand...
No idea, that's why I was asking
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Jan 27, 2018
  • #191
Deleted member 5849 said:
No idea, that's why I was asking
Click to expand...
Sure he posted it in the thread when he said he was moving to Southampton and he said his family were moving with him.
 
Reactions: The Reverend Skyblue
C

Colin1883

Member
  • Jan 28, 2018
  • #192
shmmeee said:
Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5.

Anyone who has been through it?

Got any advice?
Click to expand...


Bend over and smile !!!!!!!

If you got kids she will make your life a living hell over access / child support even if you have a court order for access she will be able to deny you access simply by saying there I'll
 

Bidda

Well-Known Member
  • Jan 29, 2018
  • #193
shmmeee said:
Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5.

Anyone who has been through it?

Got any advice?
Click to expand...
The only winners in divorce are the effing lawyers who accused me of all sorts of things when l got divorced in 2005, and mine took most of my savings in their fees. £250 an hour just to draft letters that l often had to amend to correct spelling and grammatical errors. If, sadly, you and your wife are going to divorce then try to do it amicably BUT get whatever you agree put into a formal agreement.
 

Gazolba

Well-Known Member
  • Jan 29, 2018
  • #194
A good song for divorced guys:
 

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #195
Well, this thread is relevant again.

 

Earlsdon_Skyblue1

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #196
shmmeee said:
Well, this thread is relevant again.

Click to expand...

What's happened?
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #197
Oh no.

So sorry to hear, Shmmeee.
 
Reactions: shmmeee

covmark

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #198
Shit one mate. All the best to you.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
 
Reactions: shmmeee

clint van damme

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #199
Sorry to hear that Shmmeee.
 
Reactions: shmmeee

rob9872

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #200
The time this thread's been going I thought you were divorced, remarried and this was onto the next one
 
Reactions: Philosoraptor and shmmeee

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #201
Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
What's happened?
Click to expand...

We’ve been back together for the last 6 months or so, got into a fight about money (she’s not been working for a couple of months) and she pulled the trigger again.
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #202
shmmeee said:
We’ve been back together for the last 6 months or so, got into a fight about money (she’s not been working for a couple of months) and she pulled the trigger again.
Click to expand...
Hopefully this time the gun backfires and she shoots herself in the face.

Some women can be ticking timebombs and they store away all the grievances in the backs of their minds like demented hamsters and acting like everything is okay, only to reel off a War and Peace list of 'things that are wrong' at the merest bit of conflict.
 

skyblueinBaku

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #203
Don't lose heart, Shmmeee. A row over money can be amicably resolved if both sides want that.
 
Reactions: Otis

Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #204
skyblueindorset said:
Don't lose heart, Shmmeee. A row over money can be amicably resolved if both sides want that.
Click to expand...
Yeah, good luck.
 
D

Deleted member 5849

Guest
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #205
skyblueindorset said:
Don't lose heart, Shmmeee. A row over money can be amicably resolved if both sides want that.
Click to expand...
However... having a divorce card pulled twice in six months isn't great.

I know nobody wants a harbinger of doom, but you probably need to ask if this is just a blackmail, a surface excuse when she wants an excuse to leave etc. The emotional turmoil every now and again is worse thasn just getting it done with, so best to find out what she *really* wants.
 
Reactions: Philosoraptor, stupot07, Sick Boy and 1 other person

Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #206
Deleted member 5849 said:
However... having a divorce card pulled twice in six months isn't great.

I know nobody wants a harbinger of doom, but you probably need to ask if this is just a blackmail, a surface excuse when she wants an excuse to leave etc. The emotional turmoil every now and again is worse thasn just getting it done with, so best to find out what she *really* wants.
Click to expand...
Yep. Agree with all of that and though the argument may be over money, that may just be on the surface and it's something much deeper or a reinforcement of what was wrong previously in her eyes.
 

skyblueinBaku

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #207
The most important thing, Schmmeee, is to find out exactly what is (in her eyes) wrong. Only then can you do something about it.
 
Reactions: stupot07, vow and Otis

Earlsdon_Skyblue1

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #208
shmmeee said:
We’ve been back together for the last 6 months or so, got into a fight about money (she’s not been working for a couple of months) and she pulled the trigger again.
Click to expand...

Is there a chance of working it out, as in, does she flip out regularly like that? If so, try and work through it.

If not... Go the fuck down to STA travel and book yourself a trip to the other side of the world. Worked for me when things went to shit with my ex.
 
Reactions: shmmeee and Sick Boy

Otis

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #209
Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
Is there a chance of working it out, as in, does she flip out regularly like that? If so, try and work through it.

If not... Go the fuck down to STA travel and book yourself a trip to the other side of the world. Worked for me when things went to shit with my ex.
Click to expand...
Did you ever come back?
 

Earlsdon_Skyblue1

Well-Known Member
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • #210
Otis said:
Did you ever come back?
Click to expand...

Sadly yes.

Lived in California for 6 months and it was incredible. Really hard to adapt back to normal life again though.
 
Reactions: Majik
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