Divorce (1 Viewer)

torchomatic · Feb 8, 2017

Otis said:
Hello you feeling, Torch? Manage to watch the game on TV?

I'll update my thread. Don't want to hijack this one.

shmmeee · Feb 8, 2017

Update:

Told the kid last night. She was as shocked and confused as I am, doesn't want it to happen and is swinging between sadness and silliness which I understand is normal.

After I got back from the match, charges my phone and almost immediately had a video call from my daughter and my wife. Was making my daughter laugh and trying to cheer her up. Told her all about Wembley and how we are going to go. After that the wife called and seemed to think she'd made a mistake then swung back the other way. Went over to pick my daughter up and take her to school. On the way she was OK but when I went to leave she was in bits. Went back to the house in the hope of talking things through a bit but the wife was back to coldness and "needing space".

As a City fan I'm eternally optimistic, but as any City fan knows it's the hope that really gets you. All over the place this morning. Going to take the little one to feed the ducks then for a pint with a mate (shandy for the baby - this is a joke if child services are watching).

Thanks again for the support lads. Man love (no homo) to all of you.

clint van damme · Feb 8, 2017

shmmeee said:
Update:

Told the kid last night. She was as shocked and confused as I am, doesn't want it to happen and is swinging between sadness and silliness which I understand is normal.

After I got back from the match, charges my phone and almost immediately had a video call from my daughter and my wife. Was making my daughter laugh and trying to cheer her up. Told her all about Wembley and how we are going to go. After that the wife called and seemed to think she'd made a mistake then swung back the other way. Went over to pick my daughter up and take her to school. On the way she was OK but when I went to leave she was in bits. Went back to the house in the hope of talking things through a bit but the wife was back to coldness and "needing space".

As a City fan I'm eternally optimistic, but as any City fan knows it's the hope that really gets you. All over the place this morning. Going to take the little one to feed the ducks then for a pint with a mate (shandy for the baby - this is a joke if child services are watching).

Thanks again for the support lads. Man love (no homo) to all of you.

your wife probably got swayed a bit by your daughters reaction. Probably best she reverted back to her original stance because in the long run that wouldn't be a sound basis for the pair of you to stay together unfortunately.

richnrg · Feb 8, 2017

shmmeee said:
.. Man love (no homo) to all of you.

best to keep your options open in your situation.

covcity4life · Feb 8, 2017

shmmeee said:
Update:

Told the kid last night. She was as shocked and confused as I am, doesn't want it to happen and is swinging between sadness and silliness which I understand is normal.

After I got back from the match, charges my phone and almost immediately had a video call from my daughter and my wife. Was making my daughter laugh and trying to cheer her up. Told her all about Wembley and how we are going to go. After that the wife called and seemed to think she'd made a mistake then swung back the other way. Went over to pick my daughter up and take her to school. On the way she was OK but when I went to leave she was in bits. Went back to the house in the hope of talking things through a bit but the wife was back to coldness and "needing space".

As a City fan I'm eternally optimistic, but as any City fan knows it's the hope that really gets you. All over the place this morning. Going to take the little one to feed the ducks then for a pint with a mate (shandy for the baby - this is a joke if child services are watching).

Thanks again for the support lads. Man love (no homo) to all of you.

if your wife isnt sure there is still hope!

shelby76 · Feb 8, 2017

shmmeee said:
Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5.

Anyone who has been through it?

Got any advice?

Listen it might not seem like it now, but it will work out for you and you will be happier! Dont get angry be silly send silly texts that can get you locked up restraining orders etc...good luck, take a holiday somewhere nice.

Sky Blue Harry H · Feb 8, 2017

Every situation is different Shmee. Agree with no knee jerk messages/txts (especially if you've had a shandy). However it works out, do the best thing for your kids, keep it sweet with your missus and later on you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you've acted honourably. If there is a chance for the pair of you (should you want that), or even if there isn't, it will be so much easier for the whole family if you can avoid acrimony. Good luck mate - try not to feel deflated, maintain your dignity and all those around you will respect you the more for it.

smouch1975 · Feb 8, 2017

covcity4life said:
if your wife isnt sure there is still hope!

You cruel bastard

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Sky Blue Pete · Feb 8, 2017

Sounds tough shmmeee - hope things work out

Sky Blue Harry H · Feb 9, 2017

Nick said:
Sky Blues Talk Salsa?

Could just turn the sisu /ccc stuff into a dance off.

[/'QUOTE]
Not heard it before, but weren't Derby fans singing 'we're gonna dance in a minute' atLeicester last night?

P.S, Hope all going ok Shmee ......

lifeskyblue · Feb 9, 2017

All the best Shmee. Whatever happens don't lose sight of your kids...the last time hing you want or need is to be cut off from them. Hope it works out for you.

PUSB

Gazolba · Feb 9, 2017

It can't hurt to have some couples counselling if she will agree to it. I don't know the law in the UK, but some places mandate it before allowing a divorce. Unless you are both great communicators, there could be some deep-seated issues that have never been brought up.
She might also have found someone else that she is not sure about and is hedging her bets.
But you need to find out what your legal rights are. There are many legal pitfalls regarding joint bank accounts and jointly-owned assets.

Astute · Feb 10, 2017

Sorry to hear mate. I certainly know where you are at the moment. I have children with 4 different women. You have had some very good advice so far.

As you know your children are your top priority. I would get as much sorted out while things are amicable. But most of all if things go wrong don't argue in the slightest in front of the children. Made that mistake myself. And if you need to go through the family court at any point you don't need a solicitor. It is nothing like an ordinary court. I started off with a solicitor. Cost me 2.5k in 4 months. And I didn't get anywhere. Got rid of my solicitor and got what I wanted. I acted thick. The judge always got her solicitor to explain things to me.

If you have a mortgage it is the next thing I would try to sort out. You will struggle to get another one unless you have a big wage coming in. If you agree that they stay in the house you will need to sort out who pays what. And maybe agree that the house is sold when the youngest is 18 or no children live there whatever comes first. Work everything out and get it written down. Then when the solicitors get involved a lot of the work is already done. It could well be worth letting her have everything else. It could end up being cheaper. And it could help keep your relationship together more friendly.

It won't be easy to start with. But time heals. Try not to start a relationship on the rebound. Have some fun. Then when you are ready you will know when you meet the right person.

And the children....you could find that they end up enjoying being able to stay with both mummy and daddy. And getting double presents. And you never know. She might want you back after a bit. But it is you that says no.

robbieray · Feb 10, 2017

Like I said shm , sme, shem. Mate look after number one and daughter

Nick · Feb 10, 2017

What I don't get is if the bloke moves out and the wife stays living in the house, how does the bloke then manage to pay the mortgage and find somewhere to live for himself?

Otis · Feb 10, 2017

Nick said:
What I don't get is if the bloke moves out and the wife stays living in the house, how does the bloke then manage to pay the mortgage and find somewhere to live for himself?

Madness I know.

Seen that so many times. The bloke is kicked out and then has to pay towards the old property, but then go and get one for himself and pay for that too.

Nick · Feb 10, 2017

Otis said:
Madness I know.

Seen that so many times. The bloke is kicked out and then has to pay towards the old property, but then go and get one for himself and pay for that too.

I can't see how it is physically possible to do it unless they earn a massive wage. Then there is the issue of having to get a deposit for another mortgage etc.

olderskyblue · Feb 10, 2017

Astute said:
I have children with 4 different women.

you will know when you meet the right person.

???? :emoji_confused:

Astute · Feb 10, 2017

Nick said:
What I don't get is if the bloke moves out and the wife stays living in the house, how does the bloke then manage to pay the mortgage and find somewhere to live for himself?

That is why you have to sort out who pays what. There is also child support. So I would suggest child support towards mortgage. This is where individual finances and being able to talk in a friendly way comes into it. And it is in the woman's best interest to make sure it is affordable. If not the house is lost and her home is gone.

Yes everything is on the side of the woman. I always said that I would never have kids and never get married. The kid thing went wrong many years ago. And I got married because I lost a bet. Yes I lost the biggest bet of my life. Not had to pay out yet.....

Astute · Feb 10, 2017

olderskyblue said:
???? :emoji_confused:

Still think I got married to the right one. But you never know. Life has a habit of kicking you in the bollocks when you least expect it.

smouch1975 · Feb 10, 2017

Yes. Yes it does

Learning that this week

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fernandopartridge · Feb 10, 2017

shmmeee said:
Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5.

Anyone who has been through it?

Got any advice?

I do look for positives in things, and I think it's better that it has happened now while you're still fairly young. Good luck.

shmmeee · Feb 10, 2017

fernandopartridge said:
I do look for positives in things, and I think it's better that it has happened now while you're still fairly young. Good luck.

Taking of positives, I've never had so many people tell me I'm young as in this past week.

Working with teenagers all day makes you feel proper old.

fernandopartridge · Feb 10, 2017

shmmeee said:
Taking of positives, I've never had so many people tell me I'm young as in this past week.

Working with teenagers all day makes you feel proper old.

We're all trying to make ourselves feel young ourselves by telling you that you're young!

chiefdave · Feb 10, 2017

Nick said:
Then there is the issue of having to get a deposit for another mortgage etc.

The only way I'll be buying a house now is via inheritance. With the cost of renting and paying off the divorce I'm lucky to have enough money to last the month, no chance of saving a deposit.

Nick · Feb 10, 2017

chiefdave said:
The only way I'll be buying a house now is via inheritance. With the cost of renting and paying off the divorce I'm lucky to have enough money to last the month, no chance of saving a deposit.

Is your ex hard off also from it?

This is what I don't get about it all. If the bloke still needs to pay for the woman a house because the kids live there and the woman cant afford it on her own, why not just let the kids live with the dad if the mum cant provide?

smouch1975 · Feb 10, 2017

Did you explain to the ex three nights a week down the brothel was
a. Cheaper
b. Variety

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smouch1975 · Feb 10, 2017

Nick said:
Is your ex hard off also from it?

This is what I don't get about it all. If the bloke still needs to pay for the woman a house because the kids live there and the woman cant afford it on her own, why not just let the kids live with the dad if the mum cant provide?

Nick, you are clearly innocent of this matter. Stick to football threads

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Nick · Feb 10, 2017

smouch1975 said:
Nick, you are clearly innocent of this matter. Stick to football threads

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Note the question marks, I was asking about it rather than claiming to know the ins and outs of family law.

smouch1975 · Feb 10, 2017

It's pants mate.
Perticularly biased.

Your proposition above would never fly

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Nick · Feb 10, 2017

smouch1975 said:
It's pants mate.
Perticularly biased.

Your proposition above would never fly

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Again, that's why I was asking. Why doesn't it happen like that etc etc?

smouch1975 · Feb 10, 2017

Court decisions start at 60 - 40 in the womans favour and go from there.

Then consider the requirement to 'keep her in the manner she was a customed to'

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smouch1975 · Feb 10, 2017

smouch1975 said:
Court decisions start at 60 - 40 in the womans favour and go from there.

Then consider the requirement to 'keep her in the manner she was a customed to'

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Edit: mostly as a result of domestic violence by men. Which I do not condone

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Houchens Head · Feb 10, 2017

I'm on my 3rd marriage (not including 2 long-term live-in relationships!), got hundreds of kids (well, it seems like it!), and I never paid bugger all maintenance. Well, my 2nd missus tried taking me to court and I got the ruling of "5p per child per annum"! That taught her to lie in court! I tossed her 50p as we left court and said "Here you are! The first year up front!" We actually get on really well now though. Kids all grown up with kids of their own. It's not a nice situation Shmmeee, but it does simmer down after a while. Best wishes mate!

Nick · Feb 10, 2017

smouch1975 said:
Court decisions start at 60 - 40 in the womans favour and go from there.

Then consider the requirement to 'keep her in the manner she was a customed to'

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That's what I mean "the manner she was accustomed to".

So a bloke could in theory be homeless and working full time while his ex is living bill free? As said, I can see why people dress as batman.

What happens if the wife then moves a bloke into the house that the ex husband is paying for while he cant afford a house??

There would be murders, literally.

again, im not saying I know, just asking what would happen!

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