Custody Law (1 Viewer)

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All you need to know is:

www.dadshavenorights.com and www.womencandowhattheylikebutstillgetthekidsontheirterms.com

Unfortunately though Shmeee, there's no such thing as cheap legal representation. And if you find some, it'll be shite service.

Most of the expense comes from unavoidable court and barrister fees. It's a dear game, I'm afraid.

Custard IS the law!!!

Try the Citizen's Advice Bureau for a start, shmmeee. They should be able to give you some pointers. If the worst comes to the worst, a solicitor is essential, but not cheap.

Solicitors should be the absolute last resort. Not had to go through a break up of that magnitude but appreciate from others experiences that they will cause more trouble than they solve and when they do get you in court they will rule heavily in favour of the Mother whatever the circumstances unless she is actually unstable or dangerous. Make some concessions and try and sort it yourselves.

Good luck Shmmeee. Hope you can keep it amicable. Fingers crossed, but seen so many that start off with the intention of being amicable, but then descend into madness.

What sort of claims is she making? Saying what she thinks she would be entitled to etc.?

shmmeee said:

Yeah essentially she broke our original separation agreement within a week and I’ve lost trust in her. Probably naively originally I said she could have full custody on paper because she said she needs he benefits (only because she’s choosing to work part time). I want 50/50 legally now as I don’t trust her and she’s saying if I ask for that she’ll kick off, allege all kinds of stuff, get full custody anyway and get child maintainable and spousal support. She’s saying she’s had advice and this will definitely happen, and I’ve not had advice as we said no lawyers at the start.

Basically I’ve been a bit stupid and now need to work out what my rights are so I can’t be blackmailed.

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Best of luck.

She has obviously taken advice and now got thoughts in her head.

Surely 50/50 should always be the intented solution if it is at all possible.

Hate all this 'see them every two weeks bollocks.'

You spend every day with them and then suddenly you are supposed to just give all that up and be thankful for every other weekend? Nonsense.

Sorry to hear you may have to go through the process pal, it's a minefield. Took me a few (stressful) years but got there in the end.

Some solicitors will give you a sit down meeting for an hour or two, get all the facts and your side and then write a letter to your ex outlining when you want to see them etc. and asking for agreement without the need for legal action. They do this within a fixed fee (I think I paid £200 three years ago). I used Rutherfords in Tamworth.

If she's not on board, your next port of call is mediation which is mandatory. You don't need to arrange that via a solicitor, you can do it all yourself. She has to attend, if not the courts will take issue with her if/when you issue proceedings for access. Mediation is not too expensive, about £60 for a few sessions between you. Or free for both if she's entitled to it (e.g. doesn't work, receives tax credits etc.) The mediator will meet with you separately and then jointly and draw up an access plan. It's not binding, but if she doesn't stick to it again the courts don't look fondly on it. The courts can make it binding if you get that far.

If she doesn't get on board after all the above then your option is to issue proceedings. Again, you don't need a solicitor, you can do it all yourself and represent yourself. It's not complicated if you read up first. The issue fee is around £200 only, it's the solicitors fees that cost a bomb. In most cases, the courts will award you reasonable contact after a few hearings over a couple of months and she will be bound by that.

The caveat to the above is if she is making domestic/drug/alcohol allegations against you. In those instances it is more complicated and take longer, but you'll still get there. Mine was the above route but a family member was accused of beating his ex by her and being addicted to cocaine etc. (Complete fantasy) and it took him a year of fighting in the courts but he now has his two children from Friday to Sunday twice a month as ordered by the court.

Bottom line mate, it will all come good. The courts attitude has changed a bit of late, women no longer get free legal aid and in the majority of cases men do get their access unless there is a criminal record for violence against the ex and kids.

PM me if you want any advice. Good luck with it all

This might be useful. You can ask questions and get free advice from experts who give their time free.
Free Divorce Advice | Solicitor Divorce only £179 | Divorce and Separation Support

Great advice there.

So gutting when partners make accusations falsely against you.

Not happened to me, but was right in the middle of my wife's friend's horrible encounter.

That ended dreadfully. She even ended up in prison and has now not been allowed to see her kids at all for the past four years.

Dad has moved away with them and they have all changed identities.

What a mess.

Don't worry Shmmeee by the time they get to their late teens like mine you will be relieved to leave them with their Mother for as many days as possible !!!!

Cheaper for a hitman and a roll of carpet?*

*I was in a pub once, one of my mates got off the phone and said "fucking bitch" or something and a random bloke came over and seriously offered to sort it. It was funny but equally scary.

shmmeee said:

Yeah essentially she broke our original separation agreement within a week and I’ve lost trust in her. Probably naively originally I said she could have full custody on paper because she said she needs he benefits (only because she’s choosing to work part time). I want 50/50 legally now as I don’t trust her and she’s saying if I ask for that she’ll kick off, allege all kinds of stuff, get full custody anyway and get child maintainable and spousal support. She’s saying she’s had advice and this will definitely happen, and I’ve not had advice as we said no lawyers at the start.

Basically I’ve been a bit stupid and now need to work out what my rights are so I can’t be blackmailed.

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Jesus Christ. They really are something else women. How can they be so spiteful?

shmmeee said:

The way she broke the agreement was introducing her new bloke to the kids without talking to me first.

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Ay? What?

I have a pretty long fuse but there would be absolute carnage. If you haven't been round and volleyed his head so far you have much more self restraint then I ever could have.

shmmeee said:

Ha! I’m not a violent guy at all, but I went over yesterday to sort this out with her and he was there. For the first time in my life I squared up to someone and told him to get the fuck out of my house and stay the fuck away from my kids.

Was kind of exhilarating. Might become a football hooligan.

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I'm the same but that would be way too much.

Cheeky bitch / prick.

I'm angry for you! It's one thing him seeing your ex, but being around your kids in your house is a completely different matter.

I am a totally non-violent guy, but I am angry for you too.

shmmeee said:

Cheers guys. Unsurprisingly she thought I overreacted. He’s lucky my three year old was in the house or she’d have seen overreaction.

Don’t get the guy at all, if roles were reversed no way would I be putting myself in the middle of a family breakup like that. Immoral prick.

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Nope, me neither.

The last place I would be taking a new woman would be to the house I shared with my newly separated wife.

Talk about lighting the blue touchpaper.

And Shmmeee, you are a complete arsehole for suggesting a half share of the house.

How very dare you!

shmmeee said:

Cheers guys. Unsurprisingly she thought I overreacted. He’s lucky my three year old was in the house or she’d have seen overreaction.

Don’t get the guy at all, if roles were reversed no way would I be putting myself in the middle of a family breakup like that. Immoral prick.

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It's only been a couple of months hasn't it? Why would he even want to?

I can half understand if you had done one and she was a single mum but not too sure why he doesn't he expect a kickin for swaggering about in your house.

Do you know who he is? Just a random?

Need to get somebody to pick him up in the back of a transit and drop him off in rural Wales after blindfolding him and giving him a pasting.

Horrible situation shmmeee......keep a record of her actions, broken promises, threats, texts etc. & try to stay focused on your kids.......they're THE positive that will pull you through this shit.....

...good luck.

shmmeee said:

Apparently she knew him from before we were together, I’ve no idea though.

His actions have told me all i need to know about him though.

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Please don't do anything that seems confrontational to him in front of your wife, it will be used against you, so please use restraint at all costs. I have seen and heard of women using anything and everything against their ex partners as leverage to get the kids or finance, so please exercise caution.

Also like jimmyhills fanclub said keep a record of everything, and log everything.

Will PM you over next few days. Thin we are both firmly in the same boat with a few minor differences!

I would reiterate what some of the others have said, get everything in writing and make copious notes of what was said and when. Be nice to her and her new fella (bitch about them afterwards) don't give them any ammunition. Most importantly be nice about her in front of the kids, whatever happens between you both she will always be the mother and in years to come you will get over all of this and will be civil to each other. You never want the children to have to choose who to invite to the wedding!!

jimmyhillsfanclub said:

Horrible situation shmmeee......keep a record of her actions, broken promises, threats, texts etc. & try to stay focused on your kids.......they're THE positive that will pull you through this shit.....

...good luck.

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Yep. Document everything. Keep records of everything.

If it were me personally I would try and get her on tape saying she is going to make things up with all this alleging threat.

This is where my wife's friend got let down. Her husband hid cameras all over the house and then used the recordings as evidence against her.

Otis said:

Best of luck.

She has obviously taken advice and now got thoughts in her head.

Surely 50/50 should always be the intented solution if it is at all possible.

Hate all this 'see them every two weeks bollocks.'

You spend every day with them and then suddenly you are supposed to just give all that up and be thankful for every other weekend? Nonsense.

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The problem is the 50/50 element is a complete fabrication. It does not exist. Dependent children make the situation more complex.

It would appear that compromise is actually now impossible so the only thing to do is obtain a solicitor and then let them do all negotiations and representation. Personal involvement is likely to be counter productive.

As someone else mentioned Citizens Advice can be very useful. Some reputable solicitors offer a fixed fee for paperwork and court submissions.

Depending on assets though if its a dispute it can be expensive as valuations will need to be done and court representation is a must but will cost.