Bad joke corner (1 Viewer)

Christmas; the only day of the year DFS hasn't got a sale.

At least after the 2022 World Cup,

Qatar will have some cracking stadiums to stone women in.

Taziano said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koY6kXhQDQo

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[video=youtube;koY6kXhQDQo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koY6kXhQDQo[/video]

Class!!! :laugh:

Coventry La La La said:

[video=youtube;koY6kXhQDQo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koY6kXhQDQo[/video]

Class!!! :laugh:

Click to expand...

Sounds about as miserable as a CCFC fan, is this you IrishSkyBlue? haha

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

I stole it fair and square..... "How very dare you ! " LOL

Due to the financial problems surrounding many football clubs at present, Man Utd have released 15 members of staff from their payroll.The 5 referees and 10 linesmen involved are said to be devastated.

I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"

Police looking for the fan who vicously punched a Stevenage player............immediatly ruled out Audley Harrison

On the net earlier, i went on conjuctavitous.com............now thats a site for sore eyes!

smileycov said:

On the net earlier, i went on conjuctavitous.com............now thats a site for sore eyes!

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I believe Kammy said this joke as a guest on Russell Howards good news

M<y wife thought I might be addicted to drinking brake fluid, but I told her ~ it's OK I can stop any time.

My wife said she is fed up with me being so lazy, and if i didnt sort it i can pack my bags and go.....................i said will you pack for me?

Save money on a bigger TV by simply moving the couch closer to your existing one.

What does FIFA stand for ?






The Russian National Anthem !

Whats the difference between pink and Purple?....................The Grip

WOMENS LONELY HEARTS ADS
what they really mean..........................

ADVENTUROUS = slut
ATHLETIC = no tits
30 SOMETHING = 41
FUN = annoying
WILD = gets pissed easy
BEAUTIFUL EYES =face like a robbers dog
SEEKS NIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR =ex husband is a fucking nutter
NEW AGE = hairy with a smelly fanny
ENJOYS PUBBING AND CLUBBING = alcoholic
CURVY = fat bitch
CUDDLY = fat bitch
LIKES EATING OUT = greedy fat bitch
LIKES NIGHTS IN = lazy fat bitch

"The awkward moment when you find your nan doggin' in the frozen food isle in sainsbury's"

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES
·If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
·If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.


EATING OUT
·When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
·When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY
·A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
·A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS
·A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
·The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS
·A woman has the last word in any argument.
·Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE
·A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
·A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS
·A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
·A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE
·A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
·A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP
·A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
·A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL
·Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
·Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

I've booked a table for me and the wife for Valentines Day. It won't be much fun for me to be honest though; she's crap at snooker.

good one disorganised

A man walks into a pub in leicester, barman say's what you want? can i have a wine, the bar goes quiet as the regulars all stare at the newcomer....your not from round here are you, say's the barman? no im from London, im a Taxidermist.What the fuck is that he say's you drive taxi's or something? no i mount animals.............Barman turns and say's it's okay folks he is one of us!!!

What did the man from Leicester say to the baker?

I'm in bread myself

All this sexism in football ~ I dunno what to say, its a Gray area.

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ?



Iron Man is a super hero ~ Iron Woman is a simple instruction. (I got it from Richard Keys)

Fernando Torres is a blue
Is a blue
Is a blue
Fernando Torres is a blue he hates Scousers

Andy Carrol is a red
is a red
is a red
Andy Carrol is a red he hates Geordies

Got lucky with a dyslexic girl last night ~ she ended up cooking my sock.