Are you happy (1 Viewer)

shmmeee · Feb 19, 2020

SkyBlueDom26 said:
What a load of shite, of course the gym will help you to lose weight as long as you are doing the correct workouts

A good diet + gym workout will give great results

Sorry mate but that’s bollocks. Think for a minute what it takes to consume 300 calories vs what it takes to burn it off. You’re talking reducing one doughnut vs a half hour run. Far easier to avoid the former than do the latter.

Exercise is important for health obviously and can help but it won’t move the needle alone in serious weight loss. There’s also significant evidence people over eat after a workout because they think they’ve earned it.

Trust me as someone who has lost five stone in a year before. I’m not doing down the gym at all, just saying diet is far far more important.

Nick · Feb 19, 2020

Aren't people saying a good diet and the gym? I doubt anybody thinks if they go to the gym and then eat crap all the time it will help.

There's also the mental aspect of a good workout.

Marty · Feb 19, 2020

shmmeee said:
This is just incel nonsense. I’ve had success with online dating and I’m hardly a looker. Women are people mate not some evil alien species.

I've just had to look at what incel means, I'm not being funny here, I've probably had more girls in the past year then you have in your life time. I never said they were evil alien species, just saying if you want to find a decent girl, you don't usually find it online. He's 28/29 and has zero confidence, that isn't going to change unless he does stuff face to face. He needs to build himself a friendship circle and get out into the real world, then opportunities will come his way as hes invited places, becomes more interesting, and continues to widen his friend circle. Your advice is to put a profile up and live happily ever after, which won't happen, if I met a girl and she had zero friends, I'd be concerned that shes going to latch onto me and want me to involve her in everything. It would be enough for me to disregard her as a partner.

Just go into the shops, doesn't matter where or what, someone will come over to see if you need assistance, he just needs to speak to them, about anything, do that a few times, then progress onto a bit of flirting, doesn't matter he likes them or not, before he knows it, he'll have the confidence to have a little chat with someone he likes and ask them out. His confidence could be sky high in one afternoon.

Or just set up an online profile, message a load of women and hope someone messages back (which is your approach). He'll still have self doubt and no confidence.

Just out of interest, what would you suggest as a first date?

Marty · Feb 19, 2020

shmmeee said:
Sorry mate but that’s bollocks. Think for a minute what it takes to consume 300 calories vs what it takes to burn it off. You’re talking reducing one doughnut vs a half hour run. Far easier to avoid the former than do the latter.

Exercise is important for health obviously and can help but it won’t move the needle alone in serious weight loss. There’s also significant evidence people over eat after a workout because they think they’ve earned it.

Trust me as someone who has lost five stone in a year before. I’m not doing down the gym at all, just saying diet is far far more important.

Diet is very important, like 90%, but if you want to look like a sack of shit after, then avoid the gym. You need both and it's just that simple.

CovInEssex · Feb 19, 2020

Marty said:
I've just had to look at what incel means, I'm not being funny here, I've probably had more girls in the past year then you have in your life time. I never said they were evil alien species, just saying if you want to find a decent girl, you don't usually find it online. He's 28/29 and has zero confidence, that isn't going to change unless he does stuff face to face. He needs to build himself a friendship circle and get out into the real world, then opportunities will come his way as hes invited places, becomes more interesting, and continues to widen his friend circle. Your advice is to put a profile up and live happily ever after, which won't happen, if I met a girl and she had zero friends, I'd be concerned that shes going to latch onto me and want me to involve her in everything. It would be enough for me to disregard her as a partner.

Just go into the shops, doesn't matter where or what, someone will come over to see if you need assistance, he just needs to speak to them, about anything, do that a few times, then progress onto a bit of flirting, doesn't matter he likes them or not, before he knows it, he'll have the confidence to have a little chat with someone he likes and ask them out. His confidence could be sky high in one afternoon.

Or just set up an online profile, message a load of women and hope someone messages back (which is your approach). He'll still have self doubt and no confidence.

Just out of interest, what would you suggest as a first date?

First date - down the boozer, few pints, back to mine for more drinks, get the bag out, sniff it off her arse

CovInEssex · Feb 19, 2020

The problem with online dating is the lack of replies could hit your confidence, thus starting a dangerous and vicious circle.

Nick · Feb 19, 2020

At least the Inbetweeners talk will cheer him up

vow · Feb 19, 2020

CovInEssex said:
First date - down the boozer, few pints, back to mine for more drinks, get the bag out, sniff it off her arse

U wot?

Marty · Feb 19, 2020

CovInEssex said:
The problem with online dating is the lack of replies could hit your confidence, thus starting a dangerous and vicious circle.

Bingo!

wingy · Feb 19, 2020

Marty said:
I've just had to look at what incel means, I'm not being funny here, I've probably had more girls in the past year then you have in your life time. I never said they were evil alien species, just saying if you want to find a decent girl, you don't usually find it online. He's 28/29 and has zero confidence, that isn't going to change unless he does stuff face to face. He needs to build himself a friendship circle and get out into the real world, then opportunities will come his way as hes invited places, becomes more interesting, and continues to widen his friend circle. Your advice is to put a profile up and live happily ever after, which won't happen, if I met a girl and she had zero friends, I'd be concerned that shes going to latch onto me and want me to involve her in everything. It would be enough for me to disregard her as a partner.

Just go into the shops, doesn't matter where or what, someone will come over to see if you need assistance, he just needs to speak to them, about anything, do that a few times, then progress onto a bit of flirting, doesn't matter he likes them or not, before he knows it, he'll have the confidence to have a little chat with someone he likes and ask them out. His confidence could be sky high in one afternoon.

Or just set up an online profile, message a load of women and hope someone messages back (which is your approach). He'll still have self doubt and no confidence.

Just out of interest, what would you suggest as a first date?

Would agree with a lot of this ,but not all.

wingy · Feb 19, 2020

Let's keep this thread respectful to those it may benefit.

Deleted member 5849 · Feb 19, 2020

Marty said:
I've just had to look at what incel means, I'm not being funny here, I've probably had more girls in the past year then you have in your life time.

This suggests it's your approach to online dating that's the issue with the type of girl you meet, rather than online dating itself.

Brighton Sky Blue · Feb 19, 2020

Marty said:
I've just had to look at what incel means, I'm not being funny here, I've probably had more girls in the past year then you have in your life time. I never said they were evil alien species, just saying if you want to find a decent girl, you don't usually find it online. He's 28/29 and has zero confidence, that isn't going to change unless he does stuff face to face. He needs to build himself a friendship circle and get out into the real world, then opportunities will come his way as hes invited places, becomes more interesting, and continues to widen his friend circle. Your advice is to put a profile up and live happily ever after, which won't happen, if I met a girl and she had zero friends, I'd be concerned that shes going to latch onto me and want me to involve her in everything. It would be enough for me to disregard her as a partner.

Just go into the shops, doesn't matter where or what, someone will come over to see if you need assistance, he just needs to speak to them, about anything, do that a few times, then progress onto a bit of flirting, doesn't matter he likes them or not, before he knows it, he'll have the confidence to have a little chat with someone he likes and ask them out. His confidence could be sky high in one afternoon.

Or just set up an online profile, message a load of women and hope someone messages back (which is your approach). He'll still have self doubt and no confidence.

Just out of interest, what would you suggest as a first date?

I get that it's just the assumption that the only women on dating sites are wronguns. Truth is many may just have the same confidence issues that blokes using them will have. If you're an introvert it's not as simple as saying 'go out and make friends' though I agree that doing stuff incrementally is the way to go. The only girls I've been with have been from long term relationships and I've never used a dating site to do it. I just kind of put myself out there but if you've got social anxiety like this guy does maybe online will help break the ice.

Wyken Sky Blue · Feb 19, 2020

Stop watching porn and masturbating. Your natural reproductive urges will force you to talk to women in order to try and find a mate to reproduce with.

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

SkyBlue_Bear83 · Feb 19, 2020

Thanks for replies everyone.

I have briefly considered a prostitute and I get the thought process of getting your first time out of the way with someone you don’t care about so it’s not as big a deal when I meet someone I really like. But I’m not sure it fits into my morals, maybe if I was sure she wasn’t being exploited in some way and was in the business by personal choice.

SkyBlue_Bear83 · Feb 19, 2020

skyblue1991 said:
Stop watching porn and masturbating. Your natural reproductive urges will force you to talk to women in order to try and find a mate to reproduce with.

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

I have a problem with this as well

Wyken Sky Blue · Feb 20, 2020

SkyBlue_Bear83 said:
I have a problem with this as well

Firstly I have to say fair play for being honest about your worries and feelings on this forum!

I think you will feel worse with going for a prostitute or escort but completely understand why you would contemplate the idea.

Stop masturbating for a week. It will be extremely tough, particularly if you have got into the habit of doing it every day for a long time but you'll probably notice a difference within that time.

You are basically tricking your brain and telling it that you have a woman and you have attempted to reproduce. In reality you have used your hand and reproduced into a tissue. You release dopamine but you don't release the other chemicals your brain releases when with a woman, which is why you have the shitty feeling of guilt.

Replace porn with a book, drink plenty of water and get to sleep at 10pm every night; you are not missing out on anything (FOMO). Leave your phone/laptop/tablet away from your bed. Get yourself a UV simulated alarm clock (your brain releases the stress chemical cortisol when unnatural sounds wake you up, we are cave men after all)

Bookwise I would reccomend 'The subtle art of not giving a fuck' by Mark Mason.

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

Brighton Sky Blue · Feb 20, 2020

SkyBlue_Bear83 said:
Thanks for replies everyone.

I have briefly considered a prostitute and I get the thought process of getting your first time out of the way with someone you don’t care about so it’s not as big a deal when I meet someone I really like. But I’m not sure it fits into my morals, maybe if I was sure she wasn’t being exploited in some way and was in the business by personal choice.

Irrespective of what some might say it is more enjoyable with someone you care about. She won’t care if you’re not very good the first time.

skybluesam66 · Feb 20, 2020

Learn to love yourself - Take pride in how you look
Dont focus on a relationship - focus on friendship
The type of girl who you would really want a relationship with, will then just happen when they see what type of person you are

I am an introvert. I didnt have girlfriends at school. As most people , I am probably a 6/10 albeit a little overweight. But have had gorgeous girlfriends since then , and now an amazing wife for the last 30 years

I know many similar. I began to meet nice girls just as part of friendships that then developed. Try to be yourself and love yourself - and be kind, respectful, interested in them and show them how interesting you are

It is good to share interests, but just as important to have your own (its no good both being depressed when the City lose)

Dont be impressed by the poster above who brags about how many he has slept with this year

There are 1000's of amazing girls out there, feeling exactly the same as you - you may work with some of them - they may look on online sites , they may be friends of friends

vow · Feb 20, 2020

skybluesam66 said:
Learn to love yourself

My advice is very close to this too, but...Learn to Like yourself first!

Great post skybluesam66

clint van damme · Feb 20, 2020

skyblue1991 said:
Bookwise I would reccomend 'The subtle art of not giving a fuck' by Mark Mason.

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

cracking read. Makes a lot of sense.

fellatio_Martinez · Feb 20, 2020

SkyBlue_Bear83 said:
Thanks for replies everyone.

I have briefly considered a prostitute and I get the thought process of getting your first time out of the way with someone you don’t care about so it’s not as big a deal when I meet someone I really like. But I’m not sure it fits into my morals, maybe if I was sure she wasn’t being exploited in some way and was in the business by personal choice.

I hate to sound cliche but there's someone out for there for everyone and I guarantee that once you lose your virginity a whole different world of possibilities will open up for you.

I think most men are terrified of women when they're virgins because women are mysterious keepers of the vagina and only magical powers can unlock their heavenly charms but in reality there's no magic there. Women are just meat and bones like the rest of us that seek the same things we do. There's a line from the 40 year old virgin that I think rings true "don't put the puss on a pedestal" if you're speaking to a girl and you're nervous because of how she holds the key to your destiny then you'll just come across as being slightly odd which girls often see as a red flag.

My best advice would be to forget about the fact you've never been with a girl. When you go out to social gatherings or happen to find yourself chatting to a girl just act as if you've had an orgy the night before. Sex is like a sandwich to you. Fake it until you make it.

CovInEssex · Feb 20, 2020

fellatio_Martinez said:
Sex is like a sandwich to you. Fake it until you make it.

This fake sandwich doesn't taste like much

JulianDarbyFTW · Feb 20, 2020

fellatio_Martinez said:
if you're speaking to a girl and you're nervous because of how she holds the key to your destiny then you'll just come across as being slightly odd which girls often see as a red flag.

Back in 2000 or so I'd been single for a while, and had gone to Manchester to visit friends. We went to a club and I was dancing with a girl who was mates with a friend's other half, and I thought I was in, but it didn't turn out that way. The feedback I got afterwards was that the girl I danced with fancied me at first, but I came across as stinking of desperation (to be fair, I was drunk and pretty damn thirsty for skirt at that point). It really put her off, so she wasn't interested. It was a really important lesson; confidence attracts people, neediness doesn't.

PurpleBin · Feb 20, 2020

SkyBlue_Bear83 said:
Thanks for replies everyone.

I have briefly considered a prostitute and I get the thought process of getting your first time out of the way with someone you don’t care about so it’s not as big a deal when I meet someone I really like. But I’m not sure it fits into my morals, maybe if I was sure she wasn’t being exploited in some way and was in the business by personal choice.

You do what you want to do mate. You'll find it when you're least expecting it.

fellatio_Martinez · Feb 20, 2020

JulianDarbyFTW said:
pretty damn thirsty for skirt at that point). It really put her off, so she wasn't interested. It was a really important lesson; confidence attracts people, neediness doesn't.

Yeah, unfortunately the age old cliche of girls going for "bad boys" is true. They don't necessarily want to date a twat but the confidence the twat has is attractive.

SkyBlue_Bear83 · Feb 20, 2020

skyblue1991 said:
Firstly I have to say fair play for being honest about your worries and feelings on this forum!

I think you will feel worse with going for a prostitute or escort but completely understand why you would contemplate the idea.

Stop masturbating for a week. It will be extremely tough, particularly if you have got into the habit of doing it every day for a long time but you'll probably notice a difference within that time.

You are basically tricking your brain and telling it that you have a woman and you have attempted to reproduce. In reality you have used your hand and reproduced into a tissue. You release dopamine but you don't release the other chemicals your brain releases when with a woman, which is why you have the shitty feeling of guilt.

Replace porn with a book, drink plenty of water and get to sleep at 10pm every night; you are not missing out on anything (FOMO). Leave your phone/laptop/tablet away from your bed. Get yourself a UV simulated alarm clock (your brain releases the stress chemical cortisol when unnatural sounds wake you up, we are cave men after all)

Bookwise I would reccomend 'The subtle art of not giving a fuck' by Mark Mason.

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

I went 8 days recently without porn or masturbation, I was really struggling to sleep well by the last 2 days

fellatio_Martinez · Feb 21, 2020

I don't see the whole no fap movement as being particularly helpful to the average single man. If you're not getting sexual release from a partner and you have a high sex drive it's just going to make you more pent up. Masturbation is perfectly healthy and has many benefits both mentally and physically.

If you're choking the one eyed snake once a day it's no problem. If you're addicted and watching porn all day then that's another issue.

Wyken Sky Blue · Feb 21, 2020

SkyBlue_Bear83 said:
I went 8 days recently without porn or masturbation, I was really struggling to sleep well by the last 2 days

Because of urges?

Assuming you do it before you go to sleep, your brain has been so used to associating it with sleep and when it doesn't happy your brain receptors are wondering what is going on.

All these urges pass though, pain is temporary.

Maybe firstly quit the porn, it gives you an unrealistic view on sex and relationships and if you have to release then think about normal women.

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

ccfctommy · Feb 21, 2020

SkyBlue_Bear83 said:
I went 8 days recently without porn or masturbation, I was really struggling to sleep well by the last 2 days

I bet that first wank back was a cracker!

BodicoteSkyBlue · Feb 24, 2020

Not read the whole thread. Mate of mine at work attempted suicide at the weekend, currently in ITC not sure when I’ll see him next. Been wracking my brains as to what to say to him whenever I do get to see him next.

clint van damme · Feb 24, 2020

BodicoteSkyBlue said:
Not read the whole thread. Mate of mine at work attempted suicide at the weekend, currently in ITC not sure when I’ll see him next. Been wracking my brains as to what to say to him whenever I do get to see him next.

That's terrible. I think all you can do is let him know you're there for him.

Blind-Faith · Feb 24, 2020

BodicoteSkyBlue said:
Not read the whole thread. Mate of mine at work attempted suicide at the weekend, currently in ITC not sure when I’ll see him next. Been wracking my brains as to what to say to him whenever I do get to see him next.

my mrs attempted it Aswell by throwing herself off a bridge and underneath a hgv last may, ended up in ITC and in hospital for months, broke pretty much everything in her body and lost all her toes on her left foot.

All I can suggest is being there for him , I personally use humour in awkward situations , don’t try and force any information out of him , ask him by all means but he may not want to talk about it straight away. I hope he makes a full recovery. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you

tisza · Feb 24, 2020

BodicoteSkyBlue said:
Not read the whole thread. Mate of mine at work attempted suicide at the weekend, currently in ITC not sure when I’ll see him next. Been wracking my brains as to what to say to him whenever I do get to see him next.

One of the reasons I take this thread so seriously (and any mention of mental health) is because my eldest daughter made a suicide attempt last year. She suffers from borderline personality. We brought her home (she'd been living in Norway with her husband). With her it's been a case of keeping her close and watching for any sign of more issues.

A close friend tried several years ago. With him it has been a mixture of straightforwardness, humour and just being there. He'd been bottling things up and not feeling he could open about things because of feelings of inadequacy and perceived weakness. He knows he can call me anytime (day or night) and has done so when things get on top (or even before).

Nick · Feb 24, 2020

tisza said:
One of the reasons I take this thread so seriously (and any mention of mental health) is because my eldest daughter made a suicide attempt last year. She suffers from borderline personality. We brought her home (she'd been living in Norway with her husband). With her it's been a case of keeping her close and watching for any sign of more issues.

A close friend tried several years ago. With him it has been a mixture of straightforwardness, humour and just being there. He'd been bottling things up and not feeling he could open about things because of feelings of inadequacy and perceived weakness. He knows he can call me anytime (day or night) and has done so when things get on top (or even before).

Sorry to hear that, how are they both doing now?

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