Advise needed (1 Viewer)

pipkin73 · Jun 25, 2018

As some of you know, my Mrs passed away last month (she was only 45). I was doing ok ish but i seem to be getting more depressed now that it is sinking in. I was thinking of going on to antidepressants but i know they have loads of side effects and become addictive. I know you will all say time helps, but at the moment time is making it worse. Living out here away from the family makes it harder as you can't just go and see them or stay with them, you have to keep working to pay the bills when you don't really want to get up. My question is this, have some of you been on antidepressants and if you have how much did they help, also how easy were they to come off after? Any other advise you can give me? I know this is not a help line but you all said to ask if i need help and i think we are mostly a community with anonymity, so i can say things i don't feel saying to those who know me.

ccfchoi87 · Jun 25, 2018

Sorry to hear that mate, hope all works out.

wingy · Jun 25, 2018

pipkin73 said:
As some of you know, my Mrs passed away last month (she was only 45). I was doing ok ish but i seem to be getting more depressed now that it is sinking in. I was thinking of going on to antidepressants but i know they have loads of side effects and become addictive. I know you will all say time helps, but at the moment time is making it worse. Living out here away from the family makes it harder as you can't just go and see them or stay with them, you have to keep working to pay the bills when you don't really want to get up. My question is this, have some of you been on antidepressants and if you have how much did they help, also how easy were they to come off after? Any other advise you can give me? I know this is not a help line but you all said to ask if i need help and i think we are mostly a community with anonymity, so i can say things i don't feel saying to those who know me.

I can’t help you on the particular question you ask pipkin but have you managed to keep going and getting up and out up to now?

pipkin73 · Jun 25, 2018

wingy said:
I can’t help you on the particular question you ask pipkin but have you managed to keep going and getting up and out up to now?

Getting up when i have to for work/Dog but apart from that i stay i bed. Opposite is when up, i won't go to bed as she passed away in bed. Heads up my arse and yet i've still won 200 on the bookies lol. Gotta try and laugh

Westendlad · Jun 25, 2018

Lost the old man 10 mths ago...Gutted but kept busy and tried not to dwell on memories to much. Thoughts are with you and hopefully someone on here can give you advice.

olderskyblue · Jun 26, 2018

If you need something to help, then you need something to help. That doesn't have to be drugs though. Try counselling? They must have some type of support system over there?

If you decide to go the drugs route, try to see a specialist, not just a gp. There are drugs to help that are far less addictive and damaging than others that some GP's prescribe. Try to have a plan of how long you will use them, and then wean off. Even less addictive drugs can still make you dependent on them.

Day by day mate, take it day by day. Find the "wins" each day, there's always something in a day that will feel like an achievement. Right now that might be just getting up and off to work, but mark that as a plus, and look for more when you can.

Just my opinion

pipkin73 · Jun 26, 2018

olderskyblue said:
If you need something to help, then you need something to help. That doesn't have to be drugs though. Try counselling? They must have some type of support system over there?

If you decide to go the drugs route, try to see a specialist, not just a gp. There are drugs to help that are far less addictive and damaging than others that some GP's prescribe. Try to have a plan of how long you will use them, and then wean off. Even less addictive drugs can still make you dependent on them.

Day by day mate, take it day by day. Find the "wins" each day, there's always something in a day that will feel like an achievement. Right now that might be just getting up and off to work, but mark that as a plus, and look for more when you can.

Just my opinion

Thanks mate, but i don't know of any English speaking counselling out here but even if there was then it would be like most other things out here, pigeon English. I've spoken to someone on pm and that has helped and he has given me some links and ideas, so will try them.

Thanks for all your help, some good advise there.

wingy · Jun 26, 2018

Good luck pipkin.

pipkin73 · Jun 26, 2018

wingy said:
Good luck pipkin.

Thanks mate

Otis · Jun 26, 2018

Sorry to hear, Pipkin.

Have never taken anti-depressents so can't help you there.

Totally agree with Older there. One day at a time. If you look past that it might well seem such a heavy burden upon you. You can see each day as little victories.

Are you watching the World Cup? That could prove to be a tremendous distraction.

I have been depressed before. Set myself a goal of doing at least one positive thing a day. Really hard, because you really don't feel like doing anything at all, but I felt it helped to try and focus on that one thing and set myself a tiny little goal.

One day at a time is a great way to go. Otherwise you can feel the whole world might just consume you.

And please don't stop chatting on here. Even just chatting on here a bit more might prove to be the distraction you need. Use us as a sounding board. And of course that is precisely something you can do from your bed!

What interests do you have? Because I have always written, that's what I did too. I played my guitar a lot. I wrote a lot. Started writing poetry too.

My advice would be to try and find one little thing that will keep you going, keep you ticking over and keep looking for those tiny little victories, no matter how miniscule they might at first seem.

Good luck and keep posting! The PM option is great too. Fellow SBTers might well have a lot more advice to give in this exact same field.

Astute · Jun 26, 2018

I would use drugs as a last resort.

Can't remember what thread it was but we spoke about this sort of thing within the last year. I knew people like yourself were just weak. I had been through several bad times in my life but just brushed it off. Not a problem.

Then bang it got me. Went from solving everyone's problems to not even wanting to go outside. I went from easy going to having a very short fuse. But on the outside I looked normal. I don't live as far away from my family as you but am still a couple of hundred miles away from the closest. And those nearest to me are 900 miles away.

But you have made the hardest move. You can talk about your situation. That isn't easy at all. Counselling is the best way forward. I was in denial. I didn't need it. But once I did I moved forward. But it is just as important to be able to have someone to talk to. Someone who will listen. Someone who will help you process what has happened.

You have a long tunnel ahead of you. But there is light at the end of it. And as you go along it will get brighter. I am on my journey. And I will be a better person for it. I now don't take things for granted. I try to look on the bright side of everything. It still isn't easy. But is getting better by the week.

Take it easy. Take it one day at a time. It is an invisible problem that many suffer from. It just isn't spoken about enough. You will get through it. Just don't do anything drastic without talking to someone. Someone who can give an honest view across.

Good luck mate.

skybluetony176 · Jun 26, 2018

The only thing I can suggest is bereavement counselling. Had a cousin go through something similar a few years ago when she lost her teenage son suddenly in a car crash. She took antidepressants for a while but they only mask the root cause of the problems so she wasn’t really getting any better. Ultimately it was the counselling that got her through the darkest days and allowed her to get on with life day to day.

xcraigx · Jun 26, 2018

I have taken anti depressants and found that I ended up feeling numb and had no interest in anything whatsoever. Much like being depressed really but lethargic with it. I'm not aware that they are addictive, I stopped taking them over night and that was that. Sorry for your loss.

smouch1975 · Jun 26, 2018

I would recommend counseling, far better option. I'm not sure where you are living but try a sporting club.

A training night and two beers after was my way back.

Proud to tell people ' I play football for my mental health '

Sent from my SM-N915G using Tapatalk

Otis · Jun 26, 2018

smouch1975 said:
I would recommend counseling, far better option. I'm not sure where you are living but try a sporting club.

A training night and two beers after was my way back.

Proud to tell people ' I play football for my mental health '

Sent from my SM-N915G using Tapatalk

We certainly can't say we watch it for that reason sometimes.

Sick Boy · Jun 26, 2018

I lost one of my best friends in my late teens and to be honest it devastated me and even now I still end up with some dark days. I was put on ADs but didn't get on with them and felt like a zombie with no interest in anything, just kind of existing.

As far as I can recall you're based in the Canaries? Is there anyway in which you could see a grief counseller there? I know it sounds cliché but talking about it really will help a lot more than ADs.

I wish you all the very best.

Nick · Jun 26, 2018

pipkin73 said:
Thanks mate, but i don't know of any English speaking counselling out here but even if there was then it would be like most other things out here, pigeon English. I've spoken to someone on pm and that has helped and he has given me some links and ideas, so will try them.

Thanks for all your help, some good advise there.

I know it might seem random but are there any who would do it via Skype? Somebody who is actually English so could understand phrases more etc.

I don't know if that's a thing or not.

olderskyblue · Jun 26, 2018

Nick said:
I know it might seem random but are there any who would do it via Skype? Somebody who is actually English so could understand phrases more etc.

I don't know if that's a thing or not.

They do, but only if you've got your own couch to lie on...

Actually, that's a good idea. Worth checking out.

jimmyhillsfanclub · Jun 26, 2018

First things first.......Its only been a month mate.....its bound to still be raw as fuck & it must be a struggle to see any break in the darkness at times.....

....but you're grieving.......and in order to do it properly, you probably need to be around people who love you & also feel your loss.

Obviously I don't know your work or financial situation, but if even remotely possible, take a couple weeks off ASAP.

Go visit & stay with family & friends......talk, remember your wife & all the good times with others who also shared those times & miss her too......have a good drink, a good laugh & good cry.

IMHO, Anti-depressants may well do more harm than good at present as they may inhibit your ability or willingness to fully process your loss.

Deleted member 5849 · Jun 26, 2018

What's been encouraging on this thread...

We're told often in the press there's a stigma around mental health, especially with men who struggle to open up.

We're not seeing it on this thread at least. Bravo to everyone who's contributed up till now, great to see skybluestalk taking the subject so seriously, yet so openly too.

bezzer · Jun 26, 2018

Fist of all, I'm really sorry for your loss.

I've not been in your situation when it comes to bereavement, but I have been on anti-depressants for another problem. For me they were the worst thing I could have done. I ended up coming off them after 3 weeks as the side effects were horrendous (I gather you know what they can be). All I'd suggest is you look for groups who are of like minded people. Your GP should be able to give you some people to contact. Failing that, talk to the Samaritans. I found they were a great help to me.

I really hope you can get through this difficult time......

Sky Blue Pete · Jun 26, 2018

I have two people very close to me who’ve needed medication for different reasons to you and each other. I think that it’s a perfectly valid step to say I’m not responding to normal daily situations as I was and I need to some help to do so for a short period of time. Can you imagine someone refusing to plaster their leg having broken it and expecting it to heal? Similarly it sounds like you need a little assistance at the moment and you’ve reached out and asked if anti depressants have helped anyone. They have my 2 friends and one is now off them and the other is still taking them and it’s really helped.

I don’t think they are the only thing and counselling is worth looking at. You could access it on line or other ways I’m sure.

What has happened is just not easy to overcome. We all feel for you and are here to read and respond and love you as members of the sky blues community.

This was shared with me recently and it’s been my experience watching my mum cope with her grief. You always have the sadness but learn to live with the pain and it becomes a part of you and a part of your ongoing experience of what we call life

Top video on this search

how does grief change over time bbc iplayer - Google Search

God bless you pipkin

TheDube · Jun 26, 2018

Sorry for your loss Pipkin. I've dealt with depression myself and went down the counselling route. First step is visiting your gp and being honest with them, that can be the hardest element.

People deal with depression in many ways, but there are ways out at all times! Also, I may be a complete random stranger to you, but I'm happy to talk about anything far and wide. Talking is always a help too!

pipkin73 · Jun 26, 2018

Nick said:
I know it might seem random but are there any who would do it via Skype? Somebody who is actually English so could understand phrases more etc.

I don't know if that's a thing or not.

Been sent a link to The Samaritans in Spain so i will prob go that route, thanks again though.

pipkin73 · Jun 26, 2018

Thanks for all the replies, kind words and advise from you all (plus the PMs). It good to know you can talk to strangers like this and get such a response. Very heart warming.
I have people out here i can talk to but i felt suffocated by them after so i've just been saying i'm ok. They have been to supportive if that makes sense and i just could not breath.
Anyway, thanks again everyone of you. As BT say, it's good to talk lol

Sick Boy · Jun 26, 2018

Deleted member 5849 said:
What's been encouraging on this thread...

We're told often in the press there's a stigma around mental health, especially with men who struggle to open up.

We're not seeing it on this thread at least. Bravo to everyone who's contributed up till now, great to see skybluestalk taking the subject so seriously, yet so openly too.

Hear hear! It's great to see but I do think us men suffer more internally than women, a lot would never admit to it though.

Sick Boy · Jun 26, 2018

pipkin73 said:
Thanks for all the replies, kind words and advise from you all (plus the PMs). It good to know you can talk to strangers like this and get such a response. Very heart warming.
I have people out here i can talk to but i felt suffocated by them after so i've just been saying i'm ok. They have been to supportive if that makes sense and i just could not breath.
Anyway, thanks again everyone of you. As BT say, it's good to talk lol

We are here for you any time, mate.

Covstu · Jun 26, 2018

Totally gutted for you. I haven’t been on antis myself but work in HR and seen a lot of people who do. Calibration of the right levels can take time which as an individual you might not see a major difference so you end up upping the dose.

As hard as it sounds, it’s going to be hard for the next 5-6 months. Daft things in the house will trigger you off and there is nothing you can do about it but it will get easier through time. For me antis are similar to alcohol, they mask the pain and really should only be used if you cannot function.

Try and set goals each day, maybe get away somewhere to clear the head. Give yourself a personal goal to achieve for charity or just for your own accomplishment but try and keep focused.

As I write this I know that is easier said than done but if you can focus your energy on something positive.

Hope it all works out fella

Malaka · Jun 26, 2018

There is some good info on here and articles to read

Get Help | Cruse Bereavement Care

Otis · Jun 26, 2018

Sick Boy said:
We are here for you any time, mate.

Except on play-off final weekend of course.

pipkin73 · Jun 26, 2018

Otis said:
Except on play-off final weekend of course.

Haha, that's fine i guess Autos will have to do

pipkin73 · Jun 26, 2018

Malaka said:
There is some good info on here and articles to read

Get Help | Cruse Bereavement Care

Cheers mate, will later when i finish my work.

pipkin73 · Jun 26, 2018

Covstu said:
Totally gutted for you. I haven’t been on antis myself but work in HR and seen a lot of people who do. Calibration of the right levels can take time which as an individual you might not see a major difference so you end up upping the dose.

As hard as it sounds, it’s going to be hard for the next 5-6 months. Daft things in the house will trigger you off and there is nothing you can do about it but it will get easier through time. For me antis are similar to alcohol, they mask the pain and really should only be used if you cannot function.

Try and set goals each day, maybe get away somewhere to clear the head. Give yourself a personal goal to achieve for charity or just for your own accomplishment but try and keep focused.

As I write this I know that is easier said than done but if you can focus your energy on something positive.

Hope it all works out fella

Someone said earlier to try and do 1 thing a day, even if it's just forcing myself to get out of bed. I done that today, lay there and remembered that and got my ass up. Now doing my work and getting things done. Thanks again all off you.

CovInEssex · Jun 26, 2018

I’ll echo a support network such as a sport group again. Doesn’t even have to be a sport, they have them for everything now, chess, video games, darts.

Having people around you will scratch the tribalism itch in our dna, give you structure in life and a means to improve (mentally and whatever the hobby is)

Nick · Jun 26, 2018

Cookie said:
I’ll echo a support network such as a sport group again. Doesn’t even have to be a sport, they have them for everything now, chess, video games, darts.

Having people around you will scratch the tribalism itch in our dna, give you structure in life and a means to improve (mentally and whatever the hobby is)

I went boxing training for a few months, it was great for the mind as well.

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