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I'll bet all the protesting women were friendless, hippy, bike riding, vegetarian lesbians. The blokes would have just been rent a mob, anything for a punch up. I'll bet each and everyone one of them will have received a Fed Ex package in their lifetime, did they turn them away at the...

Has he been found yet?

Cor blimey, Leon Best. I'd forgotten all about him.

If I can spread a little joy and laughter on the way, I'm a happy man! DON'T send me the dry cleaning bill!

300 people on a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning in a Coventry club? They must have got their dole early!!

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen. Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham.

I went to Boots this lunchtime. I was stopped outside by an employee & asked "Excuse me sir, what are your favourite grooming products?" I said, "Well, it's F@cebook, Haribo & puppies, obviously."

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

Do they charge you a quid for a pee whilst 'onboard'?

Who cares, he'll score for us either way!

You are only 16, don't get into card debt this early in your life..........................there's plenty of time between now and old age to do that!

Looking good then, are all these names 100% confirmed?

If you are female and dumb and desperate enough to volunteer to go on his show, you deserve all you get. I think Lemon is a complete tw*t but that's only my opinion.

Any names confirmed so far? Not suggesting anything but have been to similar games and you get the kit man, the husband of the tea lady etc etc.

Tell you what, I'll bet Bin Laden's cursing filling out his census form!