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Hackneyfox!!! Good God, good to see you again. You're like a long lost uncle just come back from the Great War. :D

Not at all. Last guest speaker was someone I'd never ever heard of before, a bald headed bloke called Paul Gadd or something.

I can't turn them off cos I've never turned them on.

I'm guessing, Ant and Dec, Brucie, Graham Norton and The Chuckle Brothers.

Same as with women?

Homesick, Edgy?

I'm not having a go, just wondering why they are so popular. I know they front Saturday tea time-ish shows on ITV don't they, and that is exactly the sort of low denominator brain fodder I really detest. Usually if it is a 'family' show it is rubbish. To my mind I feel it must be dumbed down...

Can someone please explain their appeal to me? I have never ever seen anything they have ever done (apart from the dreadful attempt years ago at recreating the classic Likely Lads episode about the duo not knowing the England score), so I honestly have not idea why they are so popular. Didn't...

Oh and NWNC, which I believe is No Woman No Cry.

Yeah, you'd need to do that too. The only term I really know with this sex abbreviations thing is BTW, but that is By The Way, so I am guessing this is for people who have sex by the roadside isn't it?

Could be. If so, not unexpected. We are just a feeder club.

Anyone know anything about him? Goalscoring midfielder? Playmaker? Ball winner? Silky skilled or tough tackling? I'd Wiki him but I'm lazy.

Thought that was a veneral disease.

Funnily enough, the same group also had to write their own short plays and another 14 year old wrote something called 'I've got a lovely box' and couldn't work out why everyone else in the group was sniggering.

I honestly don't know a lot of the abbreviations, but I do remember running a youth theatre a while back and some 14 year old girl came up to me and asked me what a Soapy Tit Wank was!

Big Beautiful Women? Is it really? I honestly didn't know that. And MILF is Mother's I'd Like Fingering?

Sisu? Sex Is Sucking Uterus?

You'll be going cold turkey soon.

I'm always a little confused by all the terminology. What does BBW stand for again? Is it Big Black Woman, Big Busty Wench, or Bugger Barry White? I only really know MILF, which I believe is Masterbation Is Like Fucking. Any others I need to be aware of?

Hi Daz. Lovely to see you. Pull up a deck chair and catch some rays. From the half-broken, faulty sunbeds.