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Maybe a little controversial but have you considered a prostitute? Not some smack head from Hillfields but going online and finding a proper escort who can either come round yours or book a night in a hotel somewhere. Maybe just getting that first experience out of the way will give you that...

Don’t do it. Final warning.

Don’t ever Google what the once lovely Jo Guest now looks like. Truly harrowing.

For a midday game on a Sunday, which is on TV and with no trains getting them in for kick off, you have to say fair play to them.

Because they couldn’t get over a 4ft fence for the best part of 5 minutes so hardly going to have a straightener in the car park.

Last minute shows spades, hammers and an axe. Two Gypsy families by the looks of it.

And some tracksuits and footballs if my memory serves me right.

‘On route’

I have a crusty sock that remembers it very well.

I thought the last couple of years have been a lot better. I’d never heard of Lloyd Griffith until last year and thought he was a good addition. But he clearly dumped them this year. Considering how many years it has been going to reinvent itself each year and try and keep it fresh can’t be easy.

What does that pay? About 22 Euros?

Have to say really enjoyed Class of ‘92.

Gilet’s. They’re fucking body warmers

Most passengers at airports.

Completely forgot about Looking for Eric. Good film.

Sat in Brum Airport as we speak. Had a coffee instead of a pint. Middle age has well and truly kicked it.

I’m going to put it out there..........I like The Football Factory! I think because Mr Dyer is the main man it is quite cool to not like it. However, still nowhere near as good as I.D. Nice one Gumbo!!!

Off the Benidorm on Thursday for 4 nights and then booked Croatia for 10 nights in June. Going to do a mini tour - Zagreb, Dubrovnik, Hvar and Split. Not been before so really looking forward to it.

I honestly don’t know whether you’re taking the piss or not......

That was too easy.. ..