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And if so, what is it? My daughter and I call my missus Two. She is unaware. Everything with her is it's 'too cold, or too loud, or too hot, or too controversial, or too far, or too late, or too much.'

Yeah, and not the local Conservative party one.

Yeah, but obviously my wife doesn't 'get it.' She has called it 'embarrassing, sad and very cruel.' Can't be arsed to go over it all again with her. :(

My missus does that all the time. A brand new, never seen before programme and she will ask what is going to happen next! The power to predict the future is not something to be sniffed at though and would be a lovely string to my bow.

Isn't Knowle close to Solihull? Rather posh isn't it? Don't think they will like the oiks moving in to be honest. Same with Meriden.

On a mission from God, like the Blues Brothers? To bring comedy to the masses?

I'm currently reading the instructions to my carbon monoxide detector.

My other favourite is of the cleaning lady who used to work for us. One day I said to her, 'Kath, there's an eclipse of the Sun tomorrow, are you going to watch it?' 'Errm, what time is it happening?' '2 o'clock!' Says I. 'Oh, 2 o'clock in the morning or in the day?'

Best I have ever had (and I think I have told this before) was this bloke I used to work with. One day for some reason we were talking about the solar system and then on to the Sun and Earth. We then went on to talk how much bigger the Sun was to planet Earth and this bloke chirped up, 'What...

I thought Knoll closed down GMK years ago.

Happy to have a go at the arts for you. My daughter is in three drama groups, so I know quite a bit of what is going on in and around the city.

Yeah, not too bad. Plaster came down right on top of my head. Just concussion and cuts and bruises and a few abrasions and that's it. I didn't hit her that hard!

Tick one off for the men. Our carbon monoxide detector kept beeping just now, so I looked on the display of the unit and it had the code 97. Puzzled as to what that was I went and dug out the instructions. Couldn't see anything for the code 97, so still baffled I looked on the internet. The...

My missus was just in the bathroom and water started pouring down the kitchen ceiling below. I just went upstairs, gently tapped on the bathroom door and quite calmly said that water was coming into the kitchen. Had that been the other way round she would have gone totally ape shit about it...

Hope you can get the situation sorted. Sent from my Hudl 2 using Tapatalk

That's women for you, Daz.

I reckon they are all on drugs and therefore don't need the bedrooms because they all just float about in space over there.

I don't think they have won the lottery, or why else stay in the small council house? But it is very odd and rather annoying. The houses our side are the posh ones ;) and the ones on the opposite side of the road, much smaller and council owned. We know that because we keep seeing the...

Families that live across roads from you and only had one car, but now all of a sudden have five cars and are blocking up the street. Bleedin lottery winning, rub your nose in it, twats. Grrr!!!!

I think Elliot has just been misguided into thinking he has been doing the right thing for the club.