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15 years ago I would have laughed if you'd have told me you could have an entire bookshelf on one little machine, that's time for you. Join me next week on Tomorrow's World, where Blyth Spartans win the Champions League.

I said Andy Thorn looked like an East End gangland boss, and I stick by that. Look at him!

Wait, what news is expected tomorrow?

Is this HS2 thing still going ahead? It seems like they're spending the equivalent of an entire small country's GDP in order to get to London 20 minutes quicker.

Bit early to say I reckon. We lost two in a row in September also and were a lot closer to the bottom then; if it continues into December alarm bells should start ringing, but I think it's a bit premature yet.

Where's the confirmation?

With those national teams the criteria tends to be a) who's from here? b) who haven't we asked yet?

Easy access to deep fat fryers

Quotes are definitely awry. Look:

I like how you called him Tim.

We don't win when I bet generally. Fiver on MK Dons it is.

I hide my 1D annual inside the jazzmags when on the train, it's the perfect ruse. Did you know Harry's favourite colour is green? He's so dreamy! (even though he looks mildly homeless)

I still put Warwickshire on the delivery address when I order stuff. Sounds classier than West Midlands, an effect admittedly ruined when I'm ordering animal porn and One Direction CDs.

Prepare to be mildly disturbed - http://www.topdrawersoccer.com/the91stminute/2013/02/this-2002-us-world-cup-photo-shoot-is-the-least-sexy-sexy-photo-shoot-of-all-time/

If someone shouts that at me one more time today...

If it wasn't for reserve games, I'm not sure I'd believe Willie Boland ever existed.

If all confessions were this tame, it'd make fewer priests horny and protect more kids.

Was Daniels playing that kind of role in that game when he scored the brace? Hopefully more of that kind of player tonight.