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First bit of old tat. My sister in law has excitedly sent over this little beauty and my wife has said that I must share it with all my friends here on the football forum. A 2018 world cup football souvenir. Only it isn't. It just says Volgograd on it and the rest of the writing is just the...

But not crapper than we've already got.

Hopefully Crapper.

Oaky, the British Virgin Isles

If I had a mythical super budget I would go mental with it.

Bedford then.

Or Bedworth 2nd 11, girls.

Would prefer the socks to Take That any day of the week.

I really like Bob Mortimer, but was never keen on the Vic and Bob combination.

Wouldn't that be lovely. City promoted and Cov promoted too. :) Perfect!

If it's a team beginning with a B I reckon it is Brazil or Barcelona.

Sounds great, but would Raheem Sterling really fancy dropping down to League Two?

Not going to be great though for those then going up on a wet and windy Tuesday night down the line. Going to cut the following drastically.

What's for Father's Day, a pipe, tartan blanket and a packet of Werther's Originals?

Yeah, correct. Such a shame cos we could do with new players right now at this very moment, but it is indeed 2nd Jan, so we have two more game to go before any new players can play for us, unless of course, unattached.

I am a bit of one for sure. I do know there are pretty much only two places I truly like to be though. One is inside a vagina and the other is Pizza Hut.

I haven't looked at that yet, but was I one of them?

Yep. I have already written to Vernon Kay, Graham Norton and Taylor Swift for any suggestions.

Yes.

I worked in an office for 20 years and once had to go out for a pint of milk. Does that count?