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The evil queen being Tim Fisher?

5 match winning performances that lead to an open topped bus tour of the city to adoring fans?

Yep, but using an optimistic eye, maybe because we will be in League One and he won't be good enough to join us there. :)

Yes.

Ah! All makes sense now! He brought Vincenti in because he looked a bit like Peter Crouch and plays the DKE twins because they remind him of Jimmy Krankie.

Not the sort of thing you would wish to verbalise to everyone anyway surely.

Stuart Pearce'd me nipples Colin Stein's overflowing

No way on God's earth that it was ever called La Chaumier. No one in Cov would have been able to pronounce it.

And when Super Bakes comes in our fortunes will sky rocket. It will be like introducing Lionel Messi to the Potters Green under 11's reserve team.

Yeah, the Monster Raving Loony ones.

You mean just Venus and Slade, surely? Mowbray was almost totally blameless, a foxy little minx and a living breathing godlike, divine deity, whose farts smelled of lavender, a rich onion gravy and golden sandy beaches.

Absolutely tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of games at HR where there was absolutely zero atmosphere. Become a bit of an urban legend that it was better than the Rioch. A lot of the time there it was much better times than we find ourselves in now and the opposition was much better too. You also...

But then Lincoln stuck their oar in and it was off again.

Saggy and droopy.

That I have been married 16 years even though it feels more like 50+.

Giorgio Chiellini. He's only 33 even though he has seemingly being playing since 1972. That it's over 30 years since we won the cup, even though it only feels like it is more like 20. Any others?

Sanchez Watt: Former Arsenal player sent off after referee mistakes his name for dissent