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Pre: Get ready Post: Party like it's 1999

Depends if the missus is feeling frisky or not.

Yeah, but it could be those c**ts from down Devon way.

Okay, I will let you have Fred and even, Binney too, but there's no way I am giving you Head.

You shouldn't mention matches after I have just been talking about straw.

What if you don't have any friends?

Wow! That's an upgrade on the last one. That one was made of straw and launched ....well umm......straw.

Are you merely doing that so a security bloke can ask 'Is that a rocket launcher in your pants or are you just pleased to see me?'

Tell you what, we can make a pact. If you can let us win this Monday, we will let you win the following Monday. Deal?

What's Levi wearing?

Ooh, can I play?

Oh you don't half wax lyrical, you card!

Can we actually take much pleasure though from beating up the little guy?

Best I can offer up is a battery operated tealight candle. I live more dangerous than you think though, cos I bought a multipack.

But I did and I didn't keep my pants on like him. Bet he'll be green with envy when he finds out.

Alternatively known as 'Musings of a natty dressed bald bloke.'

Only for compliments.

But then isn't God man made anyway?

I'm not sure buying Johnathan is our Forte.