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Life. It's always smacking me in the mouth.

I always used to get the message with an ex of mine when she packed a cork in her suitcase. Dead give away that.

Every time I have sex I got my wife pregnant and I have just the one child who is now 14.

My weapon hardly feels anything these days, because I can hardly feel my weapon at all.

Ooh, now there's a twist. I was thinking Chanel.

Yeah, was just going to ask you what the other side of your split personality felt.

I do trust a census to be honest. It's the consensus I always feel might be just a little bit dodgy.

No, cos that's just a nursery rhyme and was conjured up at least 8 years before Jodie Comer was even born.

In terms of football talk, it's fans who say 'heard it from a reliable source' 9 times out of 10 it's crap.

I think the correct phrasing is 'We need to give Michael Doyle a testimonial, or else'!

So is 'I'm not being funny, but that was hilarious ' offensive?

Surely depends on how it's used. I think I used it the other day and think it was about Burge. Something along the lines of 'He's a much better player these days to be fair'. Nowt disrespectful about that. :)

He's still got them.

Just has more detail on it doesn't it? For those who need to claim against their companies for expenses etc.

Which Michael Doyle turned up, the angry one,or the normal one?

She's gone already? ;)

Always rated her as an actress and first saw her in Thirteen. Very talented.

No, he's haunting BRR in the middle of the night.

You want to go out and get one of those radios that have more than one station. They're all the rage.

Most people would like too. I have a cute bum.