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I emailed the ticket office on Tuesday. No reply.

Is your dad Michael Jackson?

Oh, you mean the transsexual? Yeah, he/she's nice. If you like that sort of thing.

Ah, right. Cheers. Good luck.

Have never heard of it. What does PIP stand for then?

Yup. He dare not miss and every time he got near goal he would look up at the stand and see if I was about to stick the pins in the doll. He scored - no pins.

Then they'd still be moaning that all the goals came in the first half.

What is pip? Or do you mean PPI?

NSS. Working from right to left. Me - Most people - Charlie

I always think of him as HIV. His Irritating Voice.

Or maybe big, gangly and awkward in the Kwame Thomas mould.

Nope. Going to be a lot quieter on here though if we do sign another one. What are all the moaning people going to have to moan about then? There's always something I suppose. We finish 6th and go up - 'We should have finished 5th'. We finish 5th - 'We should have finished 4th'. We finish 2nd...

Surely aids Clive Eakin though doesn't it?

I'm sure you'd get plenty of suggestions from posters on here, Nick. ;)

Excellent!!

Is his full name Chuks Aneke Outofthewindow?

Nope, but I just typed in CCFC Charlie and this is the only thing that kept coming up.

Does he have a German mate called 'Towelonthebackofthe'?

Yup. What's that young bloke's name at Portsmouth? Weren't we supposed to be showing some interest in him way, way back?