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Wise Ernie? That's the wrong way round isn't it?

Parents are both 88. Zero knowledge of the internet, broadband, streaming,BBC iPlayer etc. and they do not have the internet. They only have Freeview and mainly just watch films on Talking Pictures TV and Film 4. Thing is, they have now given up and say they have seen everything. They do have...

Sofa. Water. Sky Sports News. Same old shit.

I voted to stay last time. If there's another vote I think I will vote to remain. Fickle I know.

And lo and behold, we get that wicket. Now we have the player in named after my younger day mission to make love to the Jam's frontman. Dickwella.

It's looking a bit worrying. Need one wicket. Get that and it changes everything, but obviously if these two keep going they will win easily.

Bloody hell, talk of polar opposites!! Watching the test this morning, but then popped to Tesco at 7. Had 5Live on and they said there had just been a wicket. They went to Jonathan Agnew, who said England got very lucky and that it was one of the flukiest wickets you will ever see and that the...

Aerial Pete? Yeah, I know him....or at least my friend does.

Life is so cruel sometimes.

I'm fine, except I woke up this morning to find me still married.

No I wasn't. Well, yes, I was, but only until 4. Now bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Or even better still, Rolf Harris.

Maybe, but do keep it to yourself and try not to spread it about.

Black armbands all round then tomorrow.

I didn't know that. Have they always been related? I thought Iceland did some whaling.

Ah, just found another cupboard I didn't know we had. Cup a Soup Mug Shots Bird's custard. All have palm oil.

Oh and some Bisto and Buterkist popcorn, which also have palm oil in them.

Hang on...... No, just the above, plus some sherry, some Lloyd Grossman pasta sauce, some pasta and some weird Russian shit.

Best avoid New Street just in case.

Oodles is the sort of thing your great auntie Flora would say though. No-one says oodles any more. Apart from when you just did then. And then me.