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One of my favourite things about Mick Harford was playing for someone who'd just conceded. The scoring team had this rehearsed celebration where they all lie down to do some kind of routine, and right on cue Harford comes into shot and just tramples through the entire group.

Not with inventive punslingers around.

No it isn't. These wacky nicknames are universally terrible.

In one of the old games that'd be the first thing I'd do to get McAllister away. He was too old to sell and too expensive to keep.

The vast majority of people staying away on principle will continue regardless. Some of those are likely to have ummed and ahhed over the decision not to go so a bit of good form would be enough of a sway to bring them round. It's human nature.

Is there a way we can add ourselves as Real Madrid and buy McSheffrey for £70m? Not that I used to get rid of deadwood that way of course.

Unless this is something else, it was all quite openly mentioned when he initially threw his name in the hat.

You can be Bono's +1, The Edge is getting his plugs put in that day he reckons.

They can't go to his meeting, I've invited them up to the treehouse where me and Vanilla Ice are hosting a soiree.

But you're talking as if people are creaming themselves over him, whereas all that actually seems evident is some kind of relief that someone's come in mixed with a caution or cautious optimism. The wages thing doesn't really suggest anything other than McDonald being vastly overpaid. Had you...

International signings, a brand new ground, what a summer!

I'm fully aware of how low we are. You're the one wistfully looking back to days of yore.

Well let's just get under the covers and sob because it's not 1999 any more.

Didn't he say this ages ago?

His goal at Ewood Park where he practically beat up Blackburn's defence is right up there in my favourite Cov goals.

On this nerd tangent, it's weird that my phone takes a miniscule SD card with twice the storage of the expensive hard drive I put in my first PC. Of course, it were all fields back then, RAM was rationed thanks to the war and the internet was in black and white.

Whoever this next guy is, I'm pre-disgusted.

You could take every Punch and Judy stall in the country combined and they wouldn't have as many puppets as SISU apparently do according to Matty.

He's by far the worst player we've brought in all summer. #SISUOUT #NOPM #ROFLMAO #ROLFHARRIS

Telegraph have got Paul Hall listed. When he was still a current player at Walsall he turned out for our Masters team when they had it at the Skydome. Scored a mazy dribble that would have had Ricky Villa purring.