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My wife wanted to spice things up and asked me to play with her breasts. I was pleasantly surprised. I found a lump.

Now then" said the Doctor, "if you can remove your trousers and slip your underwear off for me... Thank you. And jump lightly on the spot.. good, good. Nice swing. Now if you can bend over this desk.. place your hands on top. Excellent. Hold still please, you will feel a little cold gel on your...

What does this country have in common with my wife's lady bits? Labour has ruined both of them.

Just before the Grand National began, I pulled my wife's knickers down. So I could amuse myself when I heard "And they're off!". Mind you, I probably shouldn't have been wearing her knickers in the first place.

What do you call a rabbit running down your face? A stray hair.

I can understand them coming on to take the pee over what happened a long time ago. What I do struggle to understand is that some of them wish Jimmy Hill dead and the City to go out of existence. So no matter what happens they are incapable of ever letting it go and will forever feel the need to...