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I don’t care about the cost. We’ve signed the supercool 6’3” offspring of a threesome between Dion Dublin, Viktor Gyokeres and Callum Wilson* I reckon he could be box office. * Disclaimer – I accept that there may be occasional performances where this isn’t obvious

I think it's fair to say he's excited. And so am I.

Remember we've taken control of our borders. I reckon the immigration guys have looked at the videos and decided he's too good, and it wouldn't be fair on the other teams to allow him to play in the Championship.

Last night I actually had a dream that I was called to a secret meeting with Sky Blue Pete at a hotel bar deep in the countryside, and he said the club’s hierarchy had tipped him off that we were thinking of releasing Ben Turner if he didn’t get his act together. In fairness to the player we...

I’m convinced you all keep teasing me with anagrams. I reckon you are really referring to Slim Sheeger, the pacy winger from Colorado Rapids being brought in to keep Haji Wright company.

How many years after you married her did you get to the second stage?

That last one!

You guys realise that this is the Haji thread, and if he's just started reading it he'll think you're talking about him?

Not just us upgrading the training ground facilities then

Squirt rather than plonk I think

THE best keeper we've ever had IMO, and did as much as anyone else to get us into the top flight, keep us there in the tough early seasons, and get us into Europe. Arguably we might have got past Bayern Munich if he hadn't been injured for the first leg. Really weird that I jokingly referenced...

I do, but with my limited maths it just seemed you were underestimatng the wages by a factor of 4

Maybe they recalled Bill Glazier on a short term contract to do that

Get a few tall players to stand in front of the broken window

But the £20k wages are per week aren't they, not per month. £20k/week is £1m/year for just one player, so only 12 players on that salary costs £1m/month?

Not trying to be funny, but are you getting months, years and weeks mixed up?

What sarcasm? It was a genuine question. You say "90% of them are him miscontrolling, diving, missing the target or taking the wrong option". I didn't think it could possibly be the videos posted on here, so wondered if you'd found something else. I can't see any of that, so I'm baffled by your...

Genuine question - can you post a link to these videos you've found? I've watched at least 3 from recent seasons and haven't seen any of the weaknesses you mentioned. In fact he's looked like a powerful, skilful and threatening attacker who scores some great goals. If he can reproduce what I've...

Best combo since Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich.

I don't know how you can make that judgement, because from the videos I'm really excited to see what he can do. The fee is a bit frightening, but footballers cost ridiculous amounts now. Don't forget it's only a third of what we got for Vik.