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I know... I used just do No. 2 all over for years but then decided I wanted it longer on top and my wife refuses to do it. I'm not complaining - it's fun to be hirsute so long as it's not forever.

Exactly comrade! I expect that everyone you know is a racist (apart from you; Greta and Yasmin Ali Brown). You should no platform your uncle. That'll solve it.

Apologies, I realise this would have been upsetting for you. Let me put it right... decaff soy latte. OK now? Dry your tears and think about happier times. Like the last protest you went on or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look we've already established that I'm a vile capitalist and repress you and everyone else in your A level Sociology class all day long. Just get to work with the 5,000 word essay on why you are a victim. I'm looking forward to it! Also, are you up for some flash...

It's even worse since I wrote that. I've grown a beard so I can pretend I'm a hippy and not just a man without access to a barber.

I shag flags all the time. It's part of the Nazi code. Deal with it, bigot! For a change, this weekend me and my angry mob have been out repairing shop windows instead of installing statues. That's one in the eye for The Man!

That took a while. I'll confess I was nervous so early in our new friendship that you were shunning me. But I guess you were just enjoying a well-deserved soy latte. So you're a He? I assume you are a proud trans man, well done you! As a Nazi, I fully support you... just as long as you stay...

Hey @PVA , as we're just starting off on what I'm sure is going to be a wonderful relationship, would you mind telling me your pronouns? I would guess Xe/Xer or They/Them but I don't want to accidentally misgender you.

That's just Tony trying to win me back by using the phrase 'lazy trope'. I'm sorry Tony, it's a valiant effort but my heart now belongs to PVA. You can talk about Palestine and the oppressive western hegemony all you like but you'll always now be second best.

Tony, I'm sorry, PVA is my new favourite. There will always be a place in my heart for you but PVA is a top, top SJW. Of course I'm not in favour of social and racial justice... I'm literally Hitler! I'm also against climate justice; Black Lives Matter and I don't care where Jews live... At...

Mocking wokery is a hate crime. Or blasphemy. Or both. We should lock the fucker up and throw away the key.

It's a kind offer but I must decline.

You do make me laugh, Tony. Never change.

I love how your avatar has his hands on his hips, Tony. It helps me to imagine you standing away from your keyboard, hands on hips saying "That told them! Now I must finish that post about micro-aggressions in boxing... double-checking all my there/their/they'res to ensure they are incorrect...

Tony, we're being unfair to you. We should give you more time. Get in touch with Woke HQ, find out what you're supposed to think and get back to us when you've been told your opinion. What I will say is that we ever met and you were being unfairly attacked, verbally or physically, I would...

A lot of fuss about Hindu nationalism in India at the moment. Modi shut down tanneries in what many see as an attack on Indian Muslims (clearly Hindus cannot work there). I'm not a big fan of judging people in groups. I like how most people behave and I dislike how some others do. Muslims...