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And leave Ant out of it.

Sourpuss in Boots?

Oh, all zero. Ming Central

Only if his mate is Jonathan Ross

Right, these are people I know. Okay, so I don't really know hardly anyone at all in reality, but they are at least people I have heard of.... Danny Hazel Graham Laura Alison Jeremy Dave

Geoff - Electrician Keith - Plumber or carpenter Giles- Accountant Rachael - HR Beryl - Tea lady Sally - Marketing

Plodding along, Pete. You have to. No choice. :)

Always a possibility of a daft sending off, or a soft penalty. It's a banana skin waiting to be trodden upon. We have to be as professional as hell and just make sure we get the three points, whether that be scrapily or not. 1-0 will do just fine.

Tarquin's are always posh and therefore automatically tosspots. Only ever met two though. It is weird though, because for many years every Mandy I ever met was gorgeous and every Sarah or Sophie, lovely. Never met a nice Sharon or Tracey. Bob's are usually dependable and chirpy chappies and...

Well, yep, because you have to factor in games against such as Leeds and West Brom and Sheffield Wednesday and Birmingham and Forest and Derby, where the away followings would be massive. If we were at the Ricoh right now I think we would be maybe getting around 13,500-14,000.

Kick Fu? Fook Yu?

He might have just had a defender's armpit in his face, to be fair.

It's because of the spoons.

I know that is more a statement, but I have duly edited that for you.

Yup. We could have it with the pose of him trampling on a wasp.

I will only accept that as long as we also declare that all penalties taken have to be toe punts only, and only headers and volleys count in open play.

I was really, really hoping no-one was going to mention Escape to Victory. Thanks a bunch for that, Daz. Ha. Entertaining, but one of the most ridiculous plots in the entire history of cinema. I think I spent the last half the film shaking my head in disbelief at its ludicrousness. I was...

Are you saying it was bent coppers?

Apart from the taxi for Robins people you mean?