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Salad puns and canal shitting, this is what we’ve been reduced to. Egg-citement for a Turds-day afternoon.

I will radish the day this is all over, Caesar SISU by the nuts and scream: “Lettuce have the club back, cos tomato-rrow you’ll be celery-ing Vik for pea-nuts.” Ham I making sense?

We may still get lose Hamer, which is a concern; either now or in the summer. Plus, our new recruitment staff are a bit of an unknown quantity, which makes it (typically) all round an anxious time as a supporter. These are the cards we’re dealt, we just can’t hold onto star players...

Dirty Leeds! If he goes, well, that’s us up the creek with regards to any sort of play off hopes. Unless MR can unearth another diamond in the rough, and pretty soon.

Why don’t you nail some on, and let me know?

If Vik had Drogba’s intelligence/finishing and Tore Andre Flo’s technique, he’d be on his way to Real Madrid or Barca. The lad has improved massively since he signed permanently, and there’s a good few years till he hits his prime. There’s serious potential in him, with the right...

If we don’t hear anything in a week or more, I fear our transfer window will a barren one.

A ‘z’ in any Scottish name is silent, isn’t it? I thought that, as in Menzies etc.

To be honest, I thought it was Big Ron commentating, and didn’t realise absorb much of what he was on about. Until it clicked that is was Danny Murphy. That reminds me, the entire BBC presenting staff for the World Cup were very annoying. Especially Lineker, who would descend into wild...

To be honest, I was still pronouncing it ‘yokkerez’ until I heard an audio clip of it pronounced ‘yoh-shear-rez’. My mind was sent back to when David Pleat used to co-commentate on matches, and how he’d butcher the foreign surnames whilst sounding quite amused doing so. Also, Paul Elliot...

I’d be quite touched if someone fell asleep on my shoulder, under two conditions: 1. They have to smell nice. 2. It’s a very attractive lady. Otherwise, they may get nudged onto the floor.

Ok, if I misread anything, that’s my bad. 👍🏻

Do you disagree with the factual statement I made, then?

Totally irrelevant; if Wrexham want it and we don’t, it’s clear cut. We’ve been embarrassed enough times to know that. I’m genuinely hoping that we can cruise past them with about 7-8 first team regulars, as a cup run will lift the spirits somewhat.

I demand silence, or I’ll turn you into a badger. Scoundrel.

I recall an instance of firework related idiocy when I lived in Nuneaton; the, uh, unsavoury lot next door (who seemed to think that Kestrel Super and weed were a staple diet) decided that they couldn’t wait for the cusp of New Year to set their fireworks off, but rather, chose about 2:30pm in...

Is he better than Burroughs, so you think?

Since I can’t attend matches, unless it’s Swansea or Cardiff away, maybe Brizzle, I have no idea who’s the most vocal/loudest player in our team; who is it? In my experience, it’s usually the big gob, flapping his arms around at set pieces who would be ideal captain material. I remember Kevin...

Soz Pete. lol

A few of these are definitely wishful thinking. I think Alan Carr will probably still be cracking the same jokes on TV in 50 years time, knowing our luck.