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Yep

Yes, the ball number would be the same. But change our result and you really think that's the ONLY thing that changes?

That's not how the universe works

And deliberately pronouncing his name wrong to wind him up?

In a previous life he was in Boney M.

So if I understand that correctly, we've won 3 League Cup ties in the last 11 seasons?

Eew

We couldn't play all of those if we are 3 at the back + wingbacks

Pacy isn't the first word that springs to mind. But I think he'll be a good striker at this level.

Not sure whether you are saying he's deceptively slow, or deceptively quick when he gets going?!

How many marks out of 10 would you give the ratings?

No

Godden 5 – reasonable in his general play, but you can’t fluff three clear chances

An encouraging performance all round, unlucky to lose. There will be loads of entertainment this season. Wilson 8 – can’t fault him for anything Eccles 7 – barely mentioned by people in the pre-season discussions, but versatile and a key part of the squad Thomas 8 – looks a superb signing, but...

The AP were definitely a top non-league side in that period, and going there and mixing with the players in the bar afterwards was very different from watching First Division football at Highfield Road. Very easy for me to attend as well, so I followed them casually for a while, but I was only...

But the King of Shaves will help.

I don’t care about the cost. We’ve signed the supercool 6’3” offspring of a threesome between Dion Dublin, Viktor Gyokeres and Callum Wilson* I reckon he could be box office. * Disclaimer – I accept that there may be occasional performances where this isn’t obvious

I think it's fair to say he's excited. And so am I.

Remember we've taken control of our borders. I reckon the immigration guys have looked at the videos and decided he's too good, and it wouldn't be fair on the other teams to allow him to play in the Championship.

Last night I actually had a dream that I was called to a secret meeting with Sky Blue Pete at a hotel bar deep in the countryside, and he said the club’s hierarchy had tipped him off that we were thinking of releasing Ben Turner if he didn’t get his act together. In fairness to the player we...