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The new club shop is going to have an Ann Summers section? Best seller - Dion replica dildo.

Someone's told him it'd sound good and people would like it. I agree with the general gist of it, but deep down I know he doesn't actually mean it. It's just another soundbite. It's the kind of thing Corbyn said, and Starmer, and was dismissed as leftie nonsense. It shows it doesn't matter what...

A thick bastard at Eton and a clever fucker from Foleshill. Who's getting into the top uni's? You have a great business idea and someone already established nicks it, undercuts you on price and ties you up in the courts regarding IPR until you go bust. Everyone is equal. Some are far more...

Tories would be VOTE FOR US *because we're better then you and we know it.

You don't win elections. You just do it when you've won it. Prorouging parliament. Refusing votes on Brexit bills in parliament.

That's because only headless chickens run around aimlessly

Shmmeee Does Kiev

I thought that was Putin's job?

That's my point. I think the vaccinations will take us to that stage where it will be considered an acceptable level of deaths in relation to what else would be lost. As I said, we've all just got to hope we or our loved ones won't be one of those.

I think we're going to have one of the famous French meltdowns with a lot of animosity in the squad.

But in many cases it was. People went back out, to work etc and we had a second wave that killed tens of thousands. And once it's done there's no going back. If they're dead they're dead and you'll never see them again. If you're looking to strike a balance that is one fat bastard on the other...

I was the same with the football where they were socially distanced for team line-ups etc. When they were doing the guard of honour for Man City the players were stood well back and apart from one another and then within five minutes they were pretty much standing on each others toes defending...

Not a bad idea though. If we bought Ronaldo's right bollock and Messi's left then started an academy insemination programme two decades down the lines we're golden. Although I'm surprised we haven't got a team full of Ndlovu's right now. Actually, scrap that - much better idea. Buy Gary Breen's...

or Claret Bourbon?

Faded into obscurity playing Sunday League until about 15 when I became disillusioned with the game and concentrated on other avenues.

It could only have been better if he'd had another mate dressed as a busty blonde who he'd get distracted chasing after the virus and chase them instead. With another mate dressed as a toff chasing him waving money.

He's enjoying some fava beans and a nice chianti

To be honest though do you not reckon there'd be a load over here that'd be the same if Johnson said the same in a foreign country. Those from the left who'd just be quite happy for him to have gone away and those on the right outraged that he's not called wherever he is a backward shithole...

One snapped ACL (Automatic Construction Loom) and we're stuffed.

Another indication of how sad I was (well, let's be honest, am) is that I was trying to think of a way you could get names onto shirts that could them be removed/replaced if a player was sold or if a fickle child got a new favourite player or we signed someone. Loads of ideas, but none I felt...