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Anybody watching any coverage? Anybody there? I'm waiting for Dexy's and PJ Harvey to come on but in the meantime there's been the mire of sugarbabes and a K Pop band. So far it's making Godiva look potentially like Bloodstock.

So why don't we get an outfield player and stick some gloves on him then? You dork.

FFS, we're looking for a GK not a midfield general. I've heard David Copperfield is appalling at hanging wallpaper and fixing a pina colada so you may want to avoid one of his magic shows.

Well we've smashed the 'badly'.

Lev Yashin.

No but I've only heard good reports from people who have. Deffo on my short list in the near future.

Never mind the ballots.

We do (apparently) so I'd opt for spending the day around the pool.

If you think that's tax, you ain't seen nothin yet!

We've not been lucky once in this tournament so far - just massively underwhelming. Fantastic result for the Dutch last night though (y)

I think for the knockout stage we face the labour party - That's gonna be taxing.

More cards been flashed in this one than a trophy wife's shopping spree. Er, Brian.

How did that fucker in a black suit with white trainers dodge a straight red just for his dress sense?

Uh?

Sorry, apparently he's got a tulip on his calf.

There's no way he's gonna retire before America 2026. Even if they go out at the group stage he'll slime his way onto a Hollywood red carpet event.

That bloke in the crowd with the megaphone who gathered the ball as the HT whistle went never had a single tattoo on his back. The game's gone.

Apologies (for anybody watching in Black & White) it's on ITV4. But I think you've all gathered that by now :D

Is that Grunt Mitchell coaching the Czech's?

Like a home fixture this for the Turks. Has been for the last 100 years.