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I bet if you actually asked season ticket holders rather than round them up in a pretend stupid 'you lot' gang, they'd overwhelmingly tell you they don't believe a word he says too.

Under weaknesses you've put 'eczema'

1. When did you start worrying about the state the club was in? The summer that saw Keane and McAllister out, Bellamy in. Specifically since SISU came in though, not sure as I quickly got used to struggling in the Championship 2. How worried are you about the clubs future? Not at all, but more...

Now that's a quality sock. My apologies

Pfft. He's taking over Agent Provocateur, and here you are buying the Mrs five pairs of Donnay socks for a tenner.

This is the first I've heard of this rumour about a consortium. Imagine the quandary - Sisu out, Fisher in.

Cov Uni are just fresh off another spanking in the Varsity series, I don't know if they've ever won one.

Ok, but then who was in the pictures you've been sending me up to now?

Jester hats always struck me as more old fashioned than a modern thing, I can picture someone with a rosette, jester hat and a lovely perm.

If you're having to squeeze them on we're not looking at all

The award-winning scooptastic Observer reported it the other day but went with 'we'll be wearing sky blue' which got the usual. I'm surprised they're not using the occasion to bring out a special kit to be honest, considering we did it for a third round FA Cup game at Spurs, an end of season...

As one of the many season ticket holders who have shouted at the club on social media, they've promised me I can sit on the bench and two of the subs will feed me grapes and massage my shoulders. BOUT FUCKEN TIME

I had Barcelona to advance at 8/1 after the first leg. How often do you get those odds on Barcelona smashing a team at home?

Tim Fisher doesn't email, he just shouts his words into the human realm through a cursed ring of fire.

That's the spirit!

My eye is immediately drawn to MEGA FLAG. To be called mega, that must be fucking massi-

Where'd they bring it? Oy oy

He's thrown a kettle over a pub, what have you ever done?

Sold!