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Sorry to hear that Otis, some lowlifes out there presumably see old folk as easy targets.

Chav in Thailand might get ten years for graffiti on ancient monument. Pity we haven't got such penalties for the antisocial miscreants over here. It sums him up that he sprayed his own name 'Scouse Lee' (misspelling Scouse) and presumably wondered how he got caught!

Yes that is true, I do remember 2 situations pre-mobile phones that I came across which would have been helped so maybe I should carry it around a bit more. Still don't have to switch it on unless needed.

I do know someone who married and became Frances Francis or maybe the other way around.

Even if your body is just slightly damp from taking a shower there's no way you can pull a t-shirt on or pull socks up although of course, you keep trying because it becomes a stupid male challenge!

Used to try and debate these guys on Speakers' Corner in my younger argumentative days but what I remember more than the propaganda they spouted was the dead look in their eyes! Used to wonder if they had been drugged and I suppose in a way they had.

Don't actually use a mobile phone except for emergencies so in car glove box switched off most of the time. Costs me around £5 per year on payasyougo. It's a common assumption that everyone has one and people are confused if you can't provide a mobile number.

Unbelievable that he didn't pull over - big clue, you're on a motorway and there's oncoming traffic! No cones so it's not a contraflow situation. When I was driving in France they had huge chevron signs on slip roads leading off roundabouts to motorways to make sure you couldn't take wrong one.

I have it on good authority that the next Dr Who will have 24 assistants to reflect gender and ethnic diversity and the Daleks will be defeated by the anger management counselling.

Annoys me that BBC continually report on their own programs as 'news'. Don't find the bloke remotely funny in his day job either.

Love WILTY - one of the few panel shows to make me cry with laughter. Bob Mortimer absurdities absolutely brilliant as always.

Millions of podcasts out there to download to any device you like. Didn't even know that some cost money! Loads of free ones. I like Richard Herring's Leicester Square comedy interviews - some gems in there but not time left in your life to listen to them all there are so many - great if you...

Didn't realise but all the best witticisms are usually Groucho or maybe Woody Allen or Churchill sometimes Otis......

Stayed in a small hamlet near Charing in Kent and was surprised at how beautiful and quiet it was. Also how high we were - being able to see both coasts. This bit of the Weald was very wooded and we walked miles without seeing cars and we're lucky to have a great country pub just up the road...

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

They're foreign ladybirds coming over here taking the jobs of our native ladybirds. That's the problem with a global economy.

Just trying to protect others and you from yourself

I will settle out of court if Otis agrees to the injunction not to come near this forum with any of his jokes ever again.

Sorry Otis, all correspondence needs to be directed through my solicitors, Grabbit & Run.

See you in court